tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5080372433953859587.post798347868224453135..comments2023-08-06T07:02:49.496-04:00Comments on Little Steps Home: A Human Reaction That I Just Don't GetAmberhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09002997517784638068noreply@blogger.comBlogger10125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5080372433953859587.post-36312540580668467462012-04-20T09:26:03.121-04:002012-04-20T09:26:03.121-04:00I can't understand this type of grief directly...I can't understand this type of grief directly because I've never even experienced anyone very close to me dying (closest were my grand-mothers and my aunt) but I can imagine it when it's the most important person to you. I'm not sure if that could be me - I hope not especially since I have other responsibilities... But if both my kids died, I'd certainly feel like I have nothing left in this life.Candicehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15769515811889621243noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5080372433953859587.post-26947172474567546962012-04-17T04:16:37.260-04:002012-04-17T04:16:37.260-04:00I definitely think sudden death can be a huge fact...I definitely think sudden death can be a huge factor. <br /><br />I think it made a huge difference in my reaction to my father's death (he died when I was 17, from lung cancer), that I knew it was coming, it wasn't a surprise. It still hurt like hell, and I still today, 7½ years later, have days where I'm upset about it and cry for an hour or two, but then get up and continue taking care of my responsibilities.<br /><br />However, as said before, it also depends on how much of a life you have without that person, my grandfather never fully recovered from my grandmother's death, although she died of breast cancer and he also knew it would happen. But again, their lives were just so intertwined he didn't quite know who he was if it wasn't in relation to her.<br /><br />In the same way, I think it would've been much much worse for the teenage-me to have lost my mother, than my father. My father had Asperger's, and although I love(d) him dearly, he wasn't a huge part of my every day life. It was my mum who kept everything together, who I talked to about everything, who made sure we stayed in touch with family etc. Without my mum, the life of my entire family would've fell apart (and I probably, being the eldest daughter, would've been the one who'd try to pick up the pieces and bring it all back together).Rebekka @ Becky's Kaleidoscopehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08561986047548051036noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5080372433953859587.post-19305183510313850482012-04-12T11:00:38.846-04:002012-04-12T11:00:38.846-04:00Maybe all of the above? I don't know. It is ve...Maybe all of the above? I don't know. It is very sad, like I said, he really was a kind and wonderful person.Amberhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09002997517784638068noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5080372433953859587.post-44484095393332087132012-04-12T11:00:03.642-04:002012-04-12T11:00:03.642-04:00You know, I don't know. I only knew him throug...You know, I don't know. I only knew him through work and her not at all. She does have a job, but I don't know what it is. So that could be a factor, yes.<br /><br />I really just wish I didn't feel so harshly about people who react like this. I don't think they can help it, but it just drives me crazy. Happily, I know enough to never actually say anything like this to the people who react this way. Because that would be douchey.Amberhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09002997517784638068noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5080372433953859587.post-77324903434848777242012-04-12T10:58:17.580-04:002012-04-12T10:58:17.580-04:00:( I promise I would never hit you!:( I promise I would never hit you!Amberhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09002997517784638068noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5080372433953859587.post-5569557998058319762012-04-12T10:57:34.240-04:002012-04-12T10:57:34.240-04:00I know, I just remain so utterly baffled by it. I ...I know, I just remain so utterly baffled by it. I can think of reasons, like you've laid out, but I can't understand it at all. It just seems so pointless and self-destructive.Amberhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09002997517784638068noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5080372433953859587.post-8164393203672073092012-04-12T07:36:59.576-04:002012-04-12T07:36:59.576-04:00How sad about his sudden death. I wonder if she re...How sad about his sudden death. I wonder if she reacted this way because it was so sudden, and like others have suggested, her life was tied up into his too much. I feel sorry for her, but I do see your point as well.Susannehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03115294023069458287noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5080372433953859587.post-71745780033221644862012-04-11T17:50:14.450-04:002012-04-11T17:50:14.450-04:00In this particular case, I have to wonder if she h...In this particular case, I have to wonder if she had much purpose outside of him. If he was older, and felt that women were mostly supposed to be supportive, then a big part of her identity might have come from taking care of him. In that case, I can see how that would be a huge blow that could make it difficult to function. What do you do when you lose your primary purpose and identity?<br /><br />I've only seen one person in my life react at all close to that, thoug. When my aunt died, the next time I saw my uncle he was clearly not doing well. He was functioning, he was going to work and even met us for lunch and everything. But he had cancer, and there was this sort of resignation about him that he didn't really seem to have any motivation to fight it and keep going. We weren't very surprised when he died a month or so later. They did everything together, I can imagine that after she died nothing would have been the same and all the daily routine things would have hurt too much with her not there to do them with him. That's a lot of change and loss to take when you're older and have been doing the same thing with the same person every day for several decades.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07382787889525110718noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5080372433953859587.post-61678495450847433802012-04-10T17:33:25.361-04:002012-04-10T17:33:25.361-04:00I can actually you might want to hit me. as in, i...I can actually you might want to hit me. as in, if OH died suddenly and he wasnt old or ill. just dropped down dead, I wouldnt be able to go on. I've been with him all my adult life. from a teenager till now. All my hopes and dreams for us would die with him.Solhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00809314184012834659noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5080372433953859587.post-64525688855949216562012-04-10T16:33:20.806-04:002012-04-10T16:33:20.806-04:00Some people do not experience crippling grief. It...Some people do not experience crippling grief. Its not universal. Its usually experienced at the death of a child, parent, or spouse. Those that are extremely close and large parts of our lives. Even then, some do not experience it when that person passes. It has something to do with preparedness and personality. It also has to do with how reliant you were on that person to function. Like my grandmother never recovered from my grandfather's death because she was 100% dependent on him for everything including her social life. When he died, her life died with him. Its really hard for independent people to comprehend such a situation.<br /><br />I don't completely get it either. I could see it at the death of my child but I think I'd be horribly sad for a few days at the death of a parent or spouse. But that doesn't mean I would stop doing my responsibilities because of it.LKhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06170091976914539273noreply@blogger.com