First of all, guess what week it is! Go on, guess. I bet you'll never get it. :D
So what do ya'll think about aliens?
I was watching this show on tv this weekend, Ancient Aliens. The premise is that they're presenting evidence and theories about aliens interacting with humanity in ancient times. One of the prevailing theories, according to what I watched is that the aliens came here and created humanity as a slave race to help them mine whatever it was they needed from our planet. And humans worshiped them as gods. They interbred with humans, giving us the 'demigods' and nephilim.
Funnily enough, I'm reading 1 Enoch which (at least in the beginning) deals with the story of the Watchers and how they fell into lust with the daughters of man and forced God to wipe out humanity with the Flood to get rid of their seed and the wickedness they'd caused. Which is one of the stories that the proponents of the ancient alien theory say is an example of aliens breeding with humans and then other aliens putting a stop to it.
Aside from the whole alien thing, I find the idea of angels managing to breed with humans both compelling and odd. If they have no physical bodies, which we don't believe they do, how did they manage that? There're two versions of how it happened (not the mechanics, but the sequence of events). In the first one, the angels (Watchers) saw the daughters of men and were so attracted to them that they just had to have them. Once they were down there, having kids and living with these women, they started to teach them magic and other skills. In the second version, the Watchers went down to the humans to teach them useful things and while they were down there the daughters of men seduced them and led them into sin.
Either way, it ends with God sending out the four archangels to lay a smackdown on everyone and wiping out humanity to get rid of the mixed children, who were monstrous. Hence, the Flood.
Showing posts with label angels. Show all posts
Showing posts with label angels. Show all posts
Monday, August 1, 2011
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Hammer of the Gods: WAAAAAAH!
I know some people were all gungho about how Gabe could have faked that second death, but I think that detracts from the sacrifice he's supposed to have made for the choice of humanity. So while I want it to not have been a trick, I also need Gabriel to be brought back.
Ps: Kali is incredibly awesome, and I want her back, and I want to see Loki's kids. Hop to, Supernatural!
Sunday, September 19, 2010
Chuck favors the scorched earth approach to cleaning house
I did not make this macro. You can tell by how awesome it is. I found it on my comp, so I dl'd it from somewhere. And it bears *no* relation to this post!
I had a thought. Maybe this whole apocalypse thing was
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
Bobby = Awesome
The difference is, Sam and Dean would rather disobey their fates, their orders, to save each other, to save the world. They love one another in a fundamental, necessary way. More than they ever loved anything or anyone else. I just watched the fight scene at the end of When the Levee Breaks, and then Bobby chewing Dean a new one at the beginning of Lucifer Rising.
Absentee father/God, check. Righteous older brother, check. Rebellious younger brother, check. Apocalypse should go off as scheduled, yes?
But then there's Bobby! He's humanity, for the boys. He slaps them upside the head, calls them idjits, and MAKES THEM be good.
So, yeah. Bobby saves the world.
Also, maybe Chuck set all this up so that Michael and Lucifer could have one last chance to reconcile?
Saturday, September 4, 2010
Dean's problem with angels and god...
Dean: See this is why I can't get behind god.
Sam: What're you talking about?
Dean: If he doesn't exist? Fine. Bad crap happens to good people. That's how it is. No rhyme or reason, just random, horrible evil. I get it. Okay. I can roll with that. But if he is out there? What's wrong with him? Where the hell is he while all these decent people are getting torn to shreds? How does he live with himself? Why doesn't he help?
*pause* *both boys look to Bobby*
Bobby: I ain't touching this one with a ten foot pole.
As a note, apparently god deals with all this by drinking a lot.
Oooh...Sam's happiness about there being angels and therefore a good side to the supernatural - the existence of god...it's just sad, knowing what the angels are really like, what they're up to, and how they're just going to smear him and his loved ones all over the pavement.
Sam: What're you talking about?
Dean: If he doesn't exist? Fine. Bad crap happens to good people. That's how it is. No rhyme or reason, just random, horrible evil. I get it. Okay. I can roll with that. But if he is out there? What's wrong with him? Where the hell is he while all these decent people are getting torn to shreds? How does he live with himself? Why doesn't he help?
*pause* *both boys look to Bobby*
Bobby: I ain't touching this one with a ten foot pole.
As a note, apparently god deals with all this by drinking a lot.
Oooh...Sam's happiness about there being angels and therefore a good side to the supernatural - the existence of god...it's just sad, knowing what the angels are really like, what they're up to, and how they're just going to smear him and his loved ones all over the pavement.
Monday, August 30, 2010
I Can Find Thinkies Even In Non-Scary Horror Movies...
I went and saw The Last Exorcism this weekend. Not bad. It could have been so much better though, and it wasn't really scary. Though everyone elses' level of tolerance for this sort of thing may be lower than mine.
The basic premise, for those who don't know, is that this is a documentary that this preacher, Cotton M_____ (I can't remember his last name) is making with a two person crew. The man has made his living, since he was like...seven, as a preacher in his father's church, and he performed his first 'exorcism' when he was ten. After the birth of his son, however, Cotton has a crisis of faith, realizing that, in the hospital having found out that his preemie son will live, his first instinct is not to thank God, but to thank the doctors. However he continues to be a preacher and an exorcist until he sees an article (seven, eight years later, maybe? The son is sevenish, it looked like to me.) about an autistic boy who is killed during an 'exorcism', and this gives him nightmares. So he is having this documentary made to expose himself, and all the other 'exorcists' as frauds, to try and keep another child from being killed.
He picks out a request for exorcism at random, and (given that this is a horror movie) of course, it turns out that this is the one exorcism where the girl really is possessed. The whole time, Cotton and the crew think that it's abuse going on, and they're trying to rescue the girl, but that doesn't end well for them. I know, contain your shock! I think the film was trying to be Blair Witch-y, but sort of failed at that, and while it had creepy moments, and the girl playing Nell (possessed girl) did a really great job at being just slightly off, most of the time, and completely eerie and creepy at others.
There's this one scene where she's been locked into her room, alone, and they hear a conversation going on in there. And it really sounds like two different people talking. So they open it up, and she's just sitting there, in the same position she was when they closed the door, staring, dead pan, slack face. Of course, she says she wasn't talking, and so they slip out and as they're closing the door, you get this really quick flash of her whole face changing, and there's this slick, half-smile that's there and gone and I can't describe everything that changes on her face, but it goes from dull and sad and helpless to evil and creepy in like...two seconds.
Anyway. Cotton, at one point in an interview, says that, 'if you believe in the Bible, you have to believe in demons'.
Do you think that's true?
I tend, as we all know, to take a far less literal interpretation of the Bible than a lot of people. However, it's not even a question to me that demons and angels and the like exist. I can't prove it, I just know that it's true. But do you *have* to believe in supernatural beings if you believe in the Bible? Does it take away from your faith if you remove all the supernatural elements from the biblical stories and just rationalize them away? If you do that, what are you having faith in?
The basic premise, for those who don't know, is that this is a documentary that this preacher, Cotton M_____ (I can't remember his last name) is making with a two person crew. The man has made his living, since he was like...seven, as a preacher in his father's church, and he performed his first 'exorcism' when he was ten. After the birth of his son, however, Cotton has a crisis of faith, realizing that, in the hospital having found out that his preemie son will live, his first instinct is not to thank God, but to thank the doctors. However he continues to be a preacher and an exorcist until he sees an article (seven, eight years later, maybe? The son is sevenish, it looked like to me.) about an autistic boy who is killed during an 'exorcism', and this gives him nightmares. So he is having this documentary made to expose himself, and all the other 'exorcists' as frauds, to try and keep another child from being killed.
He picks out a request for exorcism at random, and (given that this is a horror movie) of course, it turns out that this is the one exorcism where the girl really is possessed. The whole time, Cotton and the crew think that it's abuse going on, and they're trying to rescue the girl, but that doesn't end well for them. I know, contain your shock! I think the film was trying to be Blair Witch-y, but sort of failed at that, and while it had creepy moments, and the girl playing Nell (possessed girl) did a really great job at being just slightly off, most of the time, and completely eerie and creepy at others.
There's this one scene where she's been locked into her room, alone, and they hear a conversation going on in there. And it really sounds like two different people talking. So they open it up, and she's just sitting there, in the same position she was when they closed the door, staring, dead pan, slack face. Of course, she says she wasn't talking, and so they slip out and as they're closing the door, you get this really quick flash of her whole face changing, and there's this slick, half-smile that's there and gone and I can't describe everything that changes on her face, but it goes from dull and sad and helpless to evil and creepy in like...two seconds.
Anyway. Cotton, at one point in an interview, says that, 'if you believe in the Bible, you have to believe in demons'.
Do you think that's true?
I tend, as we all know, to take a far less literal interpretation of the Bible than a lot of people. However, it's not even a question to me that demons and angels and the like exist. I can't prove it, I just know that it's true. But do you *have* to believe in supernatural beings if you believe in the Bible? Does it take away from your faith if you remove all the supernatural elements from the biblical stories and just rationalize them away? If you do that, what are you having faith in?
Demon = Human Soul + Archangel Power
So I have this theory. It's based on one of the interviews I read in the SPN mag this month.
In it, whoever was being interviewed said something along the lines of demons being the result of mixing a human soul with angelic power. So that says to me that all the demons powers, their juice, comes from Lucifer (and maybe the other angels that fell with him? Or did they just get their Grace yanked and born as humans? What happened to that 1/3 of the host of heaven?).
Now, your run of the mill, average demon (with the wide spread and variety of their powers notwithstanding), has black eyes. More powerful demons get to have different colored eyes. The original crossroads demon that we meet has red eyes. Azazel's eyes are yellow. Lillith and Alistair's eyes are white.
My theory, such as it is, is that the closer the demon gets to the original source, the more powerful they become, the more 'angelic' in power level they hit, their eyes lighten in color. Given that Lucifer, outside of a host, is (as far as we can see) a bright, bright light (I saw a fic once, where Cas described himself as a highly intelligent sunbeam in his true form - sarcastically, of course), this makes some sense to me.
Have we ever seen Crowley's demon eyes? I don't remember. But I want them to be not-black. Because, if he's essentially, by default, in charge of Hell (everyone bigger and badder than him appears to be dead), then he should be fairly badass.
In it, whoever was being interviewed said something along the lines of demons being the result of mixing a human soul with angelic power. So that says to me that all the demons powers, their juice, comes from Lucifer (and maybe the other angels that fell with him? Or did they just get their Grace yanked and born as humans? What happened to that 1/3 of the host of heaven?).
Now, your run of the mill, average demon (with the wide spread and variety of their powers notwithstanding), has black eyes. More powerful demons get to have different colored eyes. The original crossroads demon that we meet has red eyes. Azazel's eyes are yellow. Lillith and Alistair's eyes are white.
My theory, such as it is, is that the closer the demon gets to the original source, the more powerful they become, the more 'angelic' in power level they hit, their eyes lighten in color. Given that Lucifer, outside of a host, is (as far as we can see) a bright, bright light (I saw a fic once, where Cas described himself as a highly intelligent sunbeam in his true form - sarcastically, of course), this makes some sense to me.
Have we ever seen Crowley's demon eyes? I don't remember. But I want them to be not-black. Because, if he's essentially, by default, in charge of Hell (everyone bigger and badder than him appears to be dead), then he should be fairly badass.
Thursday, August 26, 2010
Tobit Chapter 14
Last chapter of Tobit...
1. Then Tobit ceased giving thanks.
*Tobit's Final Words*
2. He was fifty-eight years old when he lost his sight, and eight years later he regained it. Tobit did almsgiving, and continued to fear the Lord God, and gave thanks to Him. 3. He grew very old, and called his son and his son's sons, and said, "My son, take your sons. Behold, I have grown old, and I am departing from this life. 4. Depart to Media, my son, for I trust all the words Jonah the prophet spoke concerning Nineveh, that it will be overthrown. But in Media there will be more peace for a time. For our brethren in the land will be dispersed in the earth from the good land. Jerusalem shall be desolate, and the house of God therein will be burned up. It shall be desolate for a time.+
5. "But God will again have mercy on them, and He will return them to the land. They will build the house, but not as it was before, until the times of the age are fulfilled. After this, they will return from the captivity and build Jerusalem honorably. The house of God within her will be built as a glorious building for every generation forever, as the prophets said concerning her.+ 6. All the Gentiles shall return to truly fear the Lord God. They shall bury their idols in the earth, and all the Gentiles will bless the Lord.+ 7. His people will offer thanks to God, and the Lord will exalt His people. All who love the Lord God in truth and righteousness will rejoice. They will show mercy to our brethren.
8. "So now, my son, depart from Nineveh, since what the prophet Jonah said will doubtless come to pass. 9. But keep the law and the ordinances. Be merciful and righteous, that it may be well with you. Bury me decently, and your mother with me, but lodge no longer in Nineveh. 10. My son, observe what Aman did to Ahikar who reared him, how he led him from light into darkness, and how greatly he repaid him. Indeed Ahikar was saved, but as for that man, he was repaid with retribution and descended into darkness. Manasseh did almsgiving and was saved from the trap of death that was set for him. But Aman fell into the trap and was punished.+ 11. Now then, my children, observe what almsgiving does, and how righteousness delivers us."
After he said these things, his soul departed as he lay on his bed. He was one hundred and fifty-eight years old, and Tobias buried him gloriously.+ 12. When Anna died, he buried her with his father. Then Tobias departed with his wife and children to Ecbatana, to Raguel his father-in-law. 13. He grew old honorably and buried the parents of his wife most respectfully. They inherited their estate and that of Tobit his father.
14. Tobias died at Ecbatana of Media when he was one hundred and twenty-seven years old. 15. Before he died, he heard of the destruction of Nineveh, taken by Nebuchadnezzar and Ahasuerus. Thus before his death he rejoiced over Nineveh.
~~~
Notes:
+14:4 - Scholars agree that Nineveh was overthrown in 612 B.C. Jonah warned of the fall (Jon 3:3,4) and Nahum, in his book, records it.
+14:5 - The temple will be rebuilt, but not as it was before. The second temple, not as glorious, was completed in approximately 515 B.C. (see Hag 1:1-15).
+14:6 - The Gentiles: See note at 13:3.
+14:10 - Ahikar: See 1:21.
+14:11 - Almsgiving and righteousness: See 12:8,9
1. Then Tobit ceased giving thanks.
*Tobit's Final Words*
2. He was fifty-eight years old when he lost his sight, and eight years later he regained it. Tobit did almsgiving, and continued to fear the Lord God, and gave thanks to Him. 3. He grew very old, and called his son and his son's sons, and said, "My son, take your sons. Behold, I have grown old, and I am departing from this life. 4. Depart to Media, my son, for I trust all the words Jonah the prophet spoke concerning Nineveh, that it will be overthrown. But in Media there will be more peace for a time. For our brethren in the land will be dispersed in the earth from the good land. Jerusalem shall be desolate, and the house of God therein will be burned up. It shall be desolate for a time.+
5. "But God will again have mercy on them, and He will return them to the land. They will build the house, but not as it was before, until the times of the age are fulfilled. After this, they will return from the captivity and build Jerusalem honorably. The house of God within her will be built as a glorious building for every generation forever, as the prophets said concerning her.+ 6. All the Gentiles shall return to truly fear the Lord God. They shall bury their idols in the earth, and all the Gentiles will bless the Lord.+ 7. His people will offer thanks to God, and the Lord will exalt His people. All who love the Lord God in truth and righteousness will rejoice. They will show mercy to our brethren.
8. "So now, my son, depart from Nineveh, since what the prophet Jonah said will doubtless come to pass. 9. But keep the law and the ordinances. Be merciful and righteous, that it may be well with you. Bury me decently, and your mother with me, but lodge no longer in Nineveh. 10. My son, observe what Aman did to Ahikar who reared him, how he led him from light into darkness, and how greatly he repaid him. Indeed Ahikar was saved, but as for that man, he was repaid with retribution and descended into darkness. Manasseh did almsgiving and was saved from the trap of death that was set for him. But Aman fell into the trap and was punished.+ 11. Now then, my children, observe what almsgiving does, and how righteousness delivers us."
After he said these things, his soul departed as he lay on his bed. He was one hundred and fifty-eight years old, and Tobias buried him gloriously.+ 12. When Anna died, he buried her with his father. Then Tobias departed with his wife and children to Ecbatana, to Raguel his father-in-law. 13. He grew old honorably and buried the parents of his wife most respectfully. They inherited their estate and that of Tobit his father.
14. Tobias died at Ecbatana of Media when he was one hundred and twenty-seven years old. 15. Before he died, he heard of the destruction of Nineveh, taken by Nebuchadnezzar and Ahasuerus. Thus before his death he rejoiced over Nineveh.
~~~
Notes:
+14:4 - Scholars agree that Nineveh was overthrown in 612 B.C. Jonah warned of the fall (Jon 3:3,4) and Nahum, in his book, records it.
+14:5 - The temple will be rebuilt, but not as it was before. The second temple, not as glorious, was completed in approximately 515 B.C. (see Hag 1:1-15).
+14:6 - The Gentiles: See note at 13:3.
+14:10 - Ahikar: See 1:21.
+14:11 - Almsgiving and righteousness: See 12:8,9
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Perpetual Virginity
Susanne's causing trouble again! :p
Thanks for answering. So Mary was destined to never experience sex and Joseph was a good enough man to never again want it? Wow!
I always thought the Bible said she was a virgin until AFTER Jesus was born.
" 24When Joseph woke up, he did what the angel of the Lord had commanded him and took Mary home as his wife. 25But he had no union with her until she gave birth to a son. And he gave him the name Jesus."
I guess I always thought of "until" (vs. 25) in this way. Doesn't until usually imply a certain point when it happened?
Your way seems a bit more like making up neat traditions when I thought the Bible was pretty clear about it. Is this Tradition? Would it have been wrong for Mary to have sex with her own husband after Jesus was born? They were married. Sex within marriage is holy and sacred. OK'd by God. Plan of God. Nothing sinful. In fact withholding from sex is more sinful within marriage, I'd think.
To me it seems more realistic for Mary and Joseph to refrain from sex until sometime after Jesus' birth. Then later they had more children which are the ones referred to in the Bible as Jesus' brothers and sisters. No need to invent cousins although I understand what you mean that cousins could have sibling-like status in a culture that is very extended-family oriented.
Thanks for sharing your POV.
It's not *my* point of view, though. It's the Church's.
'Brother' has a broader definition in the Bible than just the son of your mother/father. It is used to identify not just actual brothers, but cousins and nephews as well. We see this when, in the OT when Lot is called Abraham's 'brother', when we know that he is actually his nephew. Or Jacob being called 'brother' of Lavan, when Lavan is his uncle. The reason behind this is that apparently neither Hebrew or Aramaic contain a word for cousin. So relations had to be expressed differently, i.e. 'son of the brother of the mother'. The relationship had to be understood in an almost roundabout way. If we accept that the term 'brother' is used in the Bible in this wider sense, how do we know that that is the sense it was used when referring to the 'brothers of Jesus'.
Some arguments against Mary and Joseph having children together:
1. When the Archangel Gabriel announces to Mary that she will conceive and bear a son, she asks how this can be, because she knows not man. Now, at this point, she is already betrothed to Joseph. So, logically, if you're a woman betrothed, expecting to marry, then the question of 'how', doesn't enter into it. You would expect that, in the normal course of relations between husband and wife, a child would be the result. So if Mary had anticipated having a typical relationship with Joseph, there would have been no issue with the how. Her even asking the question hints to the fact that she must not have expected their relationship to be typical. It seems reasonable that she expected to be betrothed to Joseph, and under his protection, but not to share his bed.
2. When Jesus was 12, the Holy Family consisted of three persons - Mary, Joseph, and Jesus (Luke 2:41-52). We know that Jesus was the first born of Mary. Not, of course, that first born must necessarily indicate that there are second, etc. borns. First born can also be *only*. Anyway. So, any children would have to be younger than Jesus. However, after the visit to the Temple in Jerusalem, St. Joseph disappears from scripture. It is likely (and this is Tradition), that Joseph died, being older than Mary by some many years, leaving her in the 'care' of her son, Jesus. So. If Mary and Joseph had had children after Jesus, they had to have been born after he was 12. Doing the math, that would, at best, make the oldest of them 18 at the time of Jesus' ministry. Given how the 'brothers' act, and how they are described as behaving in everything to Jesus as His guardians, they cannot be *younger* than Him. So the four 'brothers' that are mentioned cannot be natural brothers, since they could not be elder children of Mary and Joseph, or younger. They might have been step-brothers, the sons of Joseph from a previous marriage, or cousins. Not so much with this argument anymore. Sanil pointed out that the argument from silence doesn't really help.
3. Christ gave Mary to John to look after at the Crucifixion. If there had been brothers, her guardianship would have gone to them, by law. It speaks to there not being any that Jesus had to entrust her care to an unrelated male.
Now, the whole 'he knew her not until' thing. The word 'until' does not always mean that something happened after a certain point, but not before. For instance, Michal, David's wife? Is said to have born no children until the day of her death. Should we infer, then, that she had them after she was dead? No. It just means that she was barren. There are other examples, such as when Christ tells the Apostles He will be with them until the end of the age. Does that mean that after the end of the age He takes off? Goes and plays Scrabble?
As for Joseph and Mary not having the blessing of sex in their marriage. I have seen it argued, and it does make a certain amount of sense, though ymmv, that Joseph and Mary were never actually married. They were betrothed, but never married. Joseph remained as guardian to Mary and Jesus, in order that she should not be killed for being pregnant without a husband. However, in a sense, she was 'married' to God. So having sex with Joseph would have been adultery. After all, it's not as though Mary were simply an incubator, a convenient vessel for Christ, so that her interaction with Him and with the Holy Spirit doesn't 'count', in some sense.
Anyway. Keep in mind, please, that the Church existed before the Bible. The books that were chosen to be included in the Bible were chosen because they contained information that was important for salvation purposes. However, the Bible was never meant to be used apart from the teachings of the Church, and the Traditions thereof. It's not 'making up' little stories, but maintaining the beliefs that have been held since the beginning.
And what I've written above is just a poor example of the defenses for Mary's perpetual virginity that exist. If you look it up, there's been a metric ton of papers and books that have been written on the subject, both for and against.
Thanks for answering. So Mary was destined to never experience sex and Joseph was a good enough man to never again want it? Wow!
I always thought the Bible said she was a virgin until AFTER Jesus was born.
" 24When Joseph woke up, he did what the angel of the Lord had commanded him and took Mary home as his wife. 25But he had no union with her until she gave birth to a son. And he gave him the name Jesus."
I guess I always thought of "until" (vs. 25) in this way. Doesn't until usually imply a certain point when it happened?
Your way seems a bit more like making up neat traditions when I thought the Bible was pretty clear about it. Is this Tradition? Would it have been wrong for Mary to have sex with her own husband after Jesus was born? They were married. Sex within marriage is holy and sacred. OK'd by God. Plan of God. Nothing sinful. In fact withholding from sex is more sinful within marriage, I'd think.
To me it seems more realistic for Mary and Joseph to refrain from sex until sometime after Jesus' birth. Then later they had more children which are the ones referred to in the Bible as Jesus' brothers and sisters. No need to invent cousins although I understand what you mean that cousins could have sibling-like status in a culture that is very extended-family oriented.
Thanks for sharing your POV.
It's not *my* point of view, though. It's the Church's.
'Brother' has a broader definition in the Bible than just the son of your mother/father. It is used to identify not just actual brothers, but cousins and nephews as well. We see this when, in the OT when Lot is called Abraham's 'brother', when we know that he is actually his nephew. Or Jacob being called 'brother' of Lavan, when Lavan is his uncle. The reason behind this is that apparently neither Hebrew or Aramaic contain a word for cousin. So relations had to be expressed differently, i.e. 'son of the brother of the mother'. The relationship had to be understood in an almost roundabout way. If we accept that the term 'brother' is used in the Bible in this wider sense, how do we know that that is the sense it was used when referring to the 'brothers of Jesus'.
Some arguments against Mary and Joseph having children together:
1. When the Archangel Gabriel announces to Mary that she will conceive and bear a son, she asks how this can be, because she knows not man. Now, at this point, she is already betrothed to Joseph. So, logically, if you're a woman betrothed, expecting to marry, then the question of 'how', doesn't enter into it. You would expect that, in the normal course of relations between husband and wife, a child would be the result. So if Mary had anticipated having a typical relationship with Joseph, there would have been no issue with the how. Her even asking the question hints to the fact that she must not have expected their relationship to be typical. It seems reasonable that she expected to be betrothed to Joseph, and under his protection, but not to share his bed.
3. Christ gave Mary to John to look after at the Crucifixion. If there had been brothers, her guardianship would have gone to them, by law. It speaks to there not being any that Jesus had to entrust her care to an unrelated male.
Now, the whole 'he knew her not until' thing. The word 'until' does not always mean that something happened after a certain point, but not before. For instance, Michal, David's wife? Is said to have born no children until the day of her death. Should we infer, then, that she had them after she was dead? No. It just means that she was barren. There are other examples, such as when Christ tells the Apostles He will be with them until the end of the age. Does that mean that after the end of the age He takes off? Goes and plays Scrabble?
As for Joseph and Mary not having the blessing of sex in their marriage. I have seen it argued, and it does make a certain amount of sense, though ymmv, that Joseph and Mary were never actually married. They were betrothed, but never married. Joseph remained as guardian to Mary and Jesus, in order that she should not be killed for being pregnant without a husband. However, in a sense, she was 'married' to God. So having sex with Joseph would have been adultery. After all, it's not as though Mary were simply an incubator, a convenient vessel for Christ, so that her interaction with Him and with the Holy Spirit doesn't 'count', in some sense.
Anyway. Keep in mind, please, that the Church existed before the Bible. The books that were chosen to be included in the Bible were chosen because they contained information that was important for salvation purposes. However, the Bible was never meant to be used apart from the teachings of the Church, and the Traditions thereof. It's not 'making up' little stories, but maintaining the beliefs that have been held since the beginning.
And what I've written above is just a poor example of the defenses for Mary's perpetual virginity that exist. If you look it up, there's been a metric ton of papers and books that have been written on the subject, both for and against.
Sunday, August 22, 2010
'Houses of the Holy' and the Expendables
Given what happens in later seasons, I find Houses of the Holy increasingly ironic. Though I do have to say, they kept the arrival of the 'angel' fairly consistent with the later arrival of angels. The light, the shaking, the electrical issues. All it lacks is the ear splitting/bleeding 'feedback'. Though one could argue that that would be because all the people were those capable of hearing the angels talk. It'd kind of be in line with angelic behavior, too. Them being such dicks and all. Also, hell, that crypt has the *exact same statues* in pretty much the same layout as the convent in season four! Oh, Sammy, you hang onto that faith. We're going to need it to be there so we can crush it into dust, mix it with demon blood, and finger paint with it later.
Hah! Hadda thought! The last bad guy. The way he died. Cas totally was hanging around and smote him for Dean.
Mary Winchester to WeeDean: Angels are watching over you.
Audience: Waiting to steal your body!
oldPriest: Men cannot be angels.
Me: No, but they can be worn like suits by 'em!
re: The Expendables - There's a lot of really massively huge men, beating the crap out of other really massively huge men, and blowing shit up in insane ways. Plot does notmatterexist.
Best part? I got to see one of these
in 'action'.
Amber like big gun. Make big boom! YAY BOOM!
Hah! Hadda thought! The last bad guy. The way he died. Cas totally was hanging around and smote him for Dean.
Mary Winchester to WeeDean: Angels are watching over you.
Audience: Waiting to steal your body!
oldPriest: Men cannot be angels.
Me: No, but they can be worn like suits by 'em!
re: The Expendables - There's a lot of really massively huge men, beating the crap out of other really massively huge men, and blowing shit up in insane ways. Plot does not
Best part? I got to see one of these
in 'action'.
Amber like big gun. Make big boom! YAY BOOM!
Thursday, August 19, 2010
Tobit Chapter 13
*Tobit Exalts the Lord*
1. Then Tobit with exceeding joy wrote a prayer, saying:
2. "Blessed is God
Who lives unto the ages,
And blessed is His kingdom,
For He scourges, and is merciful;
He brings down into Hades,
And leads up.
There is no one who will escape His hand.+
3. Give thanks to Him before the nations,
O children of Israel,
For He scattered us among them.+
4. Make known His greatness there;
Exalt Him in the presence of the living,
For He is our Lord and God;
He is our Father unto all the ages.
5. He will scourge us for our wrongdoings,
But He will again have mercy
And gather us from all the nations,
Wherever you were dispersed among them.
6. If you return to Him with all your heart
And with all your soul,
To do the truth before Him,
Then He will turn to you
And not hide His presence from you.+
7. Behold for yourself what He will do for you,
And give thanks to Him fully with the organ of speech.
Bless the Lord of righteousness,
And exalt the King of the ages.
8. In the land of my captivity, I give thanks to Him,
And make known His might and majesty to a nation of sinners.
Be converted, you sinners,
And do righteousness before Him.
Who knows if He will desire you
And have mercy of you?
9. I exalt my God,
And my soul exalts the King of heaven
And will rejoice exceedingly in His majesty.
10. Let all speak of His majesty
And give thanks to Him in Jerusalem.
O Jerusalem, the holy city,
He will scourge you for the deeds of your sons,
But He will again show mercy to the sons of the righteous.
11. Give thanks to the Lord with goodness
And bless the King of the ages,
That His tabernacle may be restored again to you in joy.+
12. May He rejoice in you, the captives,
And may He love those who are distressed among you
Unto all generations forever.
13. Many Gentiles will come from afar
To the name of the Lord God,
Bearing gifts in their hands
And offerings to the King of heaven.
Generations of generations will offer You joyful worship.+
14. Cursed are all who hate You;
Blessed are all who love You forever.
15. Rejoice and be exceedingly glad for the children of the righteous,
For they will be gathered together
And will bless the Lord of the righteous.
Blessed are those who love You.
They will rejoice in Your peace.
16. Blessed are the many who grieved over all Your scourges,
For they will rejoice when they see all Your glory
And will rejoice forever.
Let my soul bless God the great King.
17. For Jerusalem will be built with sapphire and emerald,
And her walls with precious stones,
And her towers and battlements with pure gold.
The streets of Jerusalem will be paved with beryl, onyx, and stones from Ophir.+
18. All her streets will proclaim, 'Alleluia!'
And will give praise, saying,
'Blessed is God, who exalted you unto all the ages.'"
~~~
Notes:
+13:1 - As with many Old Testament prayers, the prayer of Tobit resembles many of the psalms.
+13:2 - Blessed is the kingdom is how we begin the Sunday worship of the Church.
+13:3 - The nations are the Gentile nations where God's children are scattered.
+13:6 - This promise is repeated to Israel throughout the Old Testament.
+13:11 - His tabernacle is the temple in Jerusalem.
+13:13 - The author of Tobit understands that one day many Gentiles will come to the King of heaven and that generations of generations of them will worship in what will be called the One Holy Church (see Jn 1:12).
+13: 17,18 - This passage also has in view the New Jerusalem (see Rev 21:1-3, 10, 11)
1. Then Tobit with exceeding joy wrote a prayer, saying:
2. "Blessed is God
Who lives unto the ages,
And blessed is His kingdom,
For He scourges, and is merciful;
He brings down into Hades,
And leads up.
There is no one who will escape His hand.+
3. Give thanks to Him before the nations,
O children of Israel,
For He scattered us among them.+
4. Make known His greatness there;
Exalt Him in the presence of the living,
For He is our Lord and God;
He is our Father unto all the ages.
5. He will scourge us for our wrongdoings,
But He will again have mercy
And gather us from all the nations,
Wherever you were dispersed among them.
6. If you return to Him with all your heart
And with all your soul,
To do the truth before Him,
Then He will turn to you
And not hide His presence from you.+
7. Behold for yourself what He will do for you,
And give thanks to Him fully with the organ of speech.
Bless the Lord of righteousness,
And exalt the King of the ages.
8. In the land of my captivity, I give thanks to Him,
And make known His might and majesty to a nation of sinners.
Be converted, you sinners,
And do righteousness before Him.
Who knows if He will desire you
And have mercy of you?
9. I exalt my God,
And my soul exalts the King of heaven
And will rejoice exceedingly in His majesty.
10. Let all speak of His majesty
And give thanks to Him in Jerusalem.
O Jerusalem, the holy city,
He will scourge you for the deeds of your sons,
But He will again show mercy to the sons of the righteous.
11. Give thanks to the Lord with goodness
And bless the King of the ages,
That His tabernacle may be restored again to you in joy.+
12. May He rejoice in you, the captives,
And may He love those who are distressed among you
Unto all generations forever.
13. Many Gentiles will come from afar
To the name of the Lord God,
Bearing gifts in their hands
And offerings to the King of heaven.
Generations of generations will offer You joyful worship.+
14. Cursed are all who hate You;
Blessed are all who love You forever.
15. Rejoice and be exceedingly glad for the children of the righteous,
For they will be gathered together
And will bless the Lord of the righteous.
Blessed are those who love You.
They will rejoice in Your peace.
16. Blessed are the many who grieved over all Your scourges,
For they will rejoice when they see all Your glory
And will rejoice forever.
Let my soul bless God the great King.
17. For Jerusalem will be built with sapphire and emerald,
And her walls with precious stones,
And her towers and battlements with pure gold.
The streets of Jerusalem will be paved with beryl, onyx, and stones from Ophir.+
18. All her streets will proclaim, 'Alleluia!'
And will give praise, saying,
'Blessed is God, who exalted you unto all the ages.'"
~~~
Notes:
+13:1 - As with many Old Testament prayers, the prayer of Tobit resembles many of the psalms.
+13:2 - Blessed is the kingdom is how we begin the Sunday worship of the Church.
+13:3 - The nations are the Gentile nations where God's children are scattered.
+13:6 - This promise is repeated to Israel throughout the Old Testament.
+13:11 - His tabernacle is the temple in Jerusalem.
+13:13 - The author of Tobit understands that one day many Gentiles will come to the King of heaven and that generations of generations of them will worship in what will be called the One Holy Church (see Jn 1:12).
+13: 17,18 - This passage also has in view the New Jerusalem (see Rev 21:1-3, 10, 11)
Thursday, August 12, 2010
Tobit Chapter 12
*Raphael Reveals His Identity*
1. Tobit summoned his son Tobias and said to him, "My son, see to the wages of the man who went with you, and we must add to them."+ 2. He replied to him, "My father, it is no harm for me to give him half of what I brought. 3. For he brought me safely to you, healed my wife, and brought me the silver. Likewise he healed you." 4. The elderly man replied, "He more than earned it." 5. So he called the angel and said to him, "Take half of everything you brought."
6. Then Raphael secretly called the two of them, and said to them, "Bless God and give Him thanks. Ascribe greatness to Him and give thanks in the presence of all the living for what He has done for you. It is good to bless God and to exalt His name. Make known the words of God's works honorably and do not delay to give thanks to Him. 7. It is noble to keep hidden the secret of a king, but glorious to unveil the works of God. Do good, and evil will not find you. 8. Prayer is good with fasting, almsgiving, and righteousness. A few prayers with righteousness are better than many with wrongdoing. It is better to do almsgiving than to lay up gold.+ 9. For almsgiving rescues one from death, and it will wash away every sin. Those who do almsgiving and are righteous will be full of life. 10. But those who sin are enemies of their own life.
11. "I will not hide anything from you. Indeed, I did say that it is good to conceal the secret of a king, but to reveal gloriously the works of God. 12. Now when you and your daughter-in-law Sarah prayed, I brought the remembrance of your prayer before the Holy One. When you also buried the dead, I was likewise present with you.+ 13. Then too, when you did not hesitate to stand up and leave your dinner so as to depart and care for the dead, your doing what is good did not escape me; but I was with you. 14. Now God sent me to heal you and Sarah your daughter-in-law. 15. I am Raphael, one of the seven holy angels who report the prayers of the saints and who enter before the glory of the Holy One."+
16. The two of them were troubled and fell upon their faces, for they were afraid. 17. But he said to them, "Do not be afraid, for peace shall be with you. But bless God forever. 18. For I did not come of my own good will, but rather by the will of our God. Therefore bless Him forever. 19. All these days I appeared to you I did not eat or drink; but you were seeing a vision. 20. Now give thanks to God, because I am ascending to Him who sent me. Write in a book everything that was accomplished."+
21. Then they stood up, but no longer saw him. 22. They acknowledged the great and wondrous works of God, and how the angel of the Lord had appeared to them.
~~~
+12:1-5 - Note the spirit of generosity in Tobit and Tobias. Whereas many modern believers hesitate to return even ten percent to God, these men offered God's servant half of everything they brought!
+12:8,9 - The Archangel Raphael's exhortation is remarkably similar to one section of Jesus' Sermon on the Mount. In Matthew 6, Jesus spoke of fasting (6:16-18), almsgiving (6:1-4), prayer (6:5-13), and righteousness (6:33).
+12:12-14 - Raphael's ministry to Tobit's family is that of a guardian angel. Note he carries Sarah's prayer before the Holy One, he is present with those he serves, and he is sent by God to bring healing. "Angel" means "messenger".
+12:15 - Raphael reveals himself to Tobit and Tobias as one of seven holy angels who appear before the glory of the Holy One (see Rev. 1:4). These seven are also called archangels. The names of four of them are revealed: Raphael, Gabriel (Dan 9:21; Lk 1:19, 26-28), Michael (Dan 10:21; Jude 9) and Uriel (2 Esdras 4:1).
+12:20 - Raphael is ascending to God to appear "before His throne" (Rev 1:4).
1. Tobit summoned his son Tobias and said to him, "My son, see to the wages of the man who went with you, and we must add to them."+ 2. He replied to him, "My father, it is no harm for me to give him half of what I brought. 3. For he brought me safely to you, healed my wife, and brought me the silver. Likewise he healed you." 4. The elderly man replied, "He more than earned it." 5. So he called the angel and said to him, "Take half of everything you brought."
6. Then Raphael secretly called the two of them, and said to them, "Bless God and give Him thanks. Ascribe greatness to Him and give thanks in the presence of all the living for what He has done for you. It is good to bless God and to exalt His name. Make known the words of God's works honorably and do not delay to give thanks to Him. 7. It is noble to keep hidden the secret of a king, but glorious to unveil the works of God. Do good, and evil will not find you. 8. Prayer is good with fasting, almsgiving, and righteousness. A few prayers with righteousness are better than many with wrongdoing. It is better to do almsgiving than to lay up gold.+ 9. For almsgiving rescues one from death, and it will wash away every sin. Those who do almsgiving and are righteous will be full of life. 10. But those who sin are enemies of their own life.
11. "I will not hide anything from you. Indeed, I did say that it is good to conceal the secret of a king, but to reveal gloriously the works of God. 12. Now when you and your daughter-in-law Sarah prayed, I brought the remembrance of your prayer before the Holy One. When you also buried the dead, I was likewise present with you.+ 13. Then too, when you did not hesitate to stand up and leave your dinner so as to depart and care for the dead, your doing what is good did not escape me; but I was with you. 14. Now God sent me to heal you and Sarah your daughter-in-law. 15. I am Raphael, one of the seven holy angels who report the prayers of the saints and who enter before the glory of the Holy One."+
16. The two of them were troubled and fell upon their faces, for they were afraid. 17. But he said to them, "Do not be afraid, for peace shall be with you. But bless God forever. 18. For I did not come of my own good will, but rather by the will of our God. Therefore bless Him forever. 19. All these days I appeared to you I did not eat or drink; but you were seeing a vision. 20. Now give thanks to God, because I am ascending to Him who sent me. Write in a book everything that was accomplished."+
21. Then they stood up, but no longer saw him. 22. They acknowledged the great and wondrous works of God, and how the angel of the Lord had appeared to them.
~~~
+12:1-5 - Note the spirit of generosity in Tobit and Tobias. Whereas many modern believers hesitate to return even ten percent to God, these men offered God's servant half of everything they brought!
+12:8,9 - The Archangel Raphael's exhortation is remarkably similar to one section of Jesus' Sermon on the Mount. In Matthew 6, Jesus spoke of fasting (6:16-18), almsgiving (6:1-4), prayer (6:5-13), and righteousness (6:33).
+12:12-14 - Raphael's ministry to Tobit's family is that of a guardian angel. Note he carries Sarah's prayer before the Holy One, he is present with those he serves, and he is sent by God to bring healing. "Angel" means "messenger".
+12:15 - Raphael reveals himself to Tobit and Tobias as one of seven holy angels who appear before the glory of the Holy One (see Rev. 1:4). These seven are also called archangels. The names of four of them are revealed: Raphael, Gabriel (Dan 9:21; Lk 1:19, 26-28), Michael (Dan 10:21; Jude 9) and Uriel (2 Esdras 4:1).
+12:20 - Raphael is ascending to God to appear "before His throne" (Rev 1:4).
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
Thursday, August 5, 2010
Tobit Chapter 11
*Tobit's Blindness Is Healed*
1. He traveled until they approached Nineveh. Here Raphael said to Tobias,+ 2. "My brother, are you not aware of how you left your father? 3. Let us run ahead of your wife and prepare the house. 4. Take the gall of the fish in your hand." So they proceeded, and the dog followed behind them.
5. Meanwhile Anna sat gazing upon the road for her boy. 6. She perceived that he was coming and said to the father, "Behold, your son is coming, and the man traveling with him!"
7. Raphael said, "I know that the eyes of your father will open. 8. Rub the gall on his eyes. When the eyes sting, he will rub them and cause the white film to fall away. He will then see you."
9. Then Anna ran up to her son and fell upon his neck and said to him, "I have seen you, my child. From this day, I am now ready to die!" So they both wept. 10. Then Tobit came out of the door. He stumbled, but his son ran up to him. 11. He took hold of his father and dabbed the gall on the eyes of his father, saying, "Father, take courage!"+ 12. Then as his eyes stung, he rubbed them, and the white films peeled off from the corners of his eyes. 13. When he saw his son, he fell upon his neck, weeping, and said, 14. "Blessed are You, O God, and blessed is Your name unto the ages. Blessed are all Your holy angels, for You scourged me but had mercy on me. Behold, I see Tobias my son." 15. His son went in rejoicing and told his father the great things that had happened to him in Media.
16. Then Tobit rejoiced and blessed God as he went to meet his daughter-in-law at the gate of Nineveh. But those who saw him as he walked along were amazed that he could see. Tobit gave thanks before them, because God had mercy on him.+ 17. Then as Tobit drew near to meet Sarah, his daughter-in-law, he blessed her, saying, "May you be in good health, my daughter! Blessed is God who brought you to us, and blessed are your father and your mother!"
18. So there was rejoicing among all his brethren in Nineveh. 19. Even Ahikar and his nephew Nadab came, for the wedding feast for Tobias was kept with gladness for seven days.
~~~
Notes:
+11:1-3 - Raphael and Tobias decide to leave Sarah at the city gate of Nineveh (see 11:16) and run ahead to meet the worried parents.
+11:11, 12 - Following Raphael's instructions (11:7), Tobias dabbed the gall on the eyes of his father. Tobit was healed of his blindness.
+11:16, 17 - Tobit did four things en route to the gate of Nineveh which are instructive for all fathers, and for all believers: (1) he rejoiced, as St. Paul so often encouraged the Philippians to do; (2) he blessed God for his son's new bride; (3) he publicly gave thanks for his restored eyesight; and (4) he blessed his family. God loves a grateful servant.
1. He traveled until they approached Nineveh. Here Raphael said to Tobias,+ 2. "My brother, are you not aware of how you left your father? 3. Let us run ahead of your wife and prepare the house. 4. Take the gall of the fish in your hand." So they proceeded, and the dog followed behind them.
5. Meanwhile Anna sat gazing upon the road for her boy. 6. She perceived that he was coming and said to the father, "Behold, your son is coming, and the man traveling with him!"
7. Raphael said, "I know that the eyes of your father will open. 8. Rub the gall on his eyes. When the eyes sting, he will rub them and cause the white film to fall away. He will then see you."
9. Then Anna ran up to her son and fell upon his neck and said to him, "I have seen you, my child. From this day, I am now ready to die!" So they both wept. 10. Then Tobit came out of the door. He stumbled, but his son ran up to him. 11. He took hold of his father and dabbed the gall on the eyes of his father, saying, "Father, take courage!"+ 12. Then as his eyes stung, he rubbed them, and the white films peeled off from the corners of his eyes. 13. When he saw his son, he fell upon his neck, weeping, and said, 14. "Blessed are You, O God, and blessed is Your name unto the ages. Blessed are all Your holy angels, for You scourged me but had mercy on me. Behold, I see Tobias my son." 15. His son went in rejoicing and told his father the great things that had happened to him in Media.
16. Then Tobit rejoiced and blessed God as he went to meet his daughter-in-law at the gate of Nineveh. But those who saw him as he walked along were amazed that he could see. Tobit gave thanks before them, because God had mercy on him.+ 17. Then as Tobit drew near to meet Sarah, his daughter-in-law, he blessed her, saying, "May you be in good health, my daughter! Blessed is God who brought you to us, and blessed are your father and your mother!"
18. So there was rejoicing among all his brethren in Nineveh. 19. Even Ahikar and his nephew Nadab came, for the wedding feast for Tobias was kept with gladness for seven days.
~~~
Notes:
+11:1-3 - Raphael and Tobias decide to leave Sarah at the city gate of Nineveh (see 11:16) and run ahead to meet the worried parents.
+11:11, 12 - Following Raphael's instructions (11:7), Tobias dabbed the gall on the eyes of his father. Tobit was healed of his blindness.
+11:16, 17 - Tobit did four things en route to the gate of Nineveh which are instructive for all fathers, and for all believers: (1) he rejoiced, as St. Paul so often encouraged the Philippians to do; (2) he blessed God for his son's new bride; (3) he publicly gave thanks for his restored eyesight; and (4) he blessed his family. God loves a grateful servant.
Saturday, July 31, 2010
SPN Season 6: CROWLEY!
Somebody posted a link from ComiCon of a vid they took. It's...kinda sideways and you miss some dialogue what with all the screaming and squeeing and HAPPY FANGIRLING, but, CROWLEY AND BOBBY!
2010 ComiCon SPN Panel Opening Vid
Also, I can't decide if I love my fandom more, or if I'm vaguely disturbed by the fact that there's a Bobby/Crowley comm. Either way, I'm off to check out the fics...
2010 ComiCon SPN Panel Opening Vid
Also, I can't decide if I love my fandom more, or if I'm vaguely disturbed by the fact that there's a Bobby/Crowley comm. Either way, I'm off to check out the fics...
Friday, July 30, 2010
Book: Good Omens by Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett
'CAVEAT: Bringing about Armageddon can be dangerous. Do not attempt it in your own home.'
I'm...fairly certain that everyone is aware of my DEEP AND ABIDING LOVE for this book by now. But...if you're not, you will be. This might, possibly, be my most favorite book of all time. Ever. Unto infinity. It combines things that I like: intelligent, snarky comedy, angels and demons, and the apocalypse. Honestly, put angels and demons in pretty much anything, and I'm there. Do it well? Give them personalities and not just make them giant, boring forces of nature? And I will bear your children. So, y'know, I'm just saying. These two authors pretty much own me for having produced this book.
Now then. The book starts out, In the Beginning, which I have already recreated for you at the appropriate post. For those who don't want to go back and read that (shame on you and your house! Read it now!), basically, it's the Garden of Eden, shortly after the whole, 'Apple' Incident. Crawly, the demon who convinced Eve that fruit looked mighty yummy, and Aziraphale, the angel set to guard the Eastern Gate, are having a discussion. Each one wondering what they just did there, and Aziraphale, at least, feeling a bit guilty about having given Adam and Eve his flaming sword, for protection.
For further fall out from this, I direct you to this passage from later in the book. We are discussing Aziraphale's precious collection of 'odd' Bibles. This is a footnote:
'The Buggre Alle This Bible was also noteworthy for having twenty-seven verses in the third chapter of Genesis, instead of the more usual twenty-four.
They followed verse 24, which in the King James version reads:
"So he drove out the man; and he placed at the east gate of the garden of Eden Cherubims, and a flaming sword which turned every way, to keep the way of the tree of life," and read:
25. And the Lord spake unto the Angel that guarded the eastern gate, saying 'Where is the flaming sword which was given unto thee?'
26. And the Angel said, 'I had it here only a moment ago, I must have put it down some where, forget my own head next'
27. And the Lord did not ask him again.
It appears that these verses were inserted during the proof stage. In those days it was common practice for printers to hang proof sheets to the wooden beams outside their shops, for the edification of the populace and some free proofreading, and since the whole print run was subsequently burned anyway, no one bothered to take up this matter with the nice Mr. A. Ziraphale, who ran the bookshop two doors along and was always so helpful with the translations, and whose handwriting was instantly recognizable.'
Anyway. So, Aziraphale and Crawly (who changes his name to the more appropriate Anthony J. Crowley at the soonest opportunity) are left on earth after the whole Garden thing goes south, as their representative sides' agents on earth. They spend a good four, five thousand years kicking the crap out of one another, we presume, until they come to The Arrangement. Meaning, both of them realized that their time and energy could be better spent, that neither of their 'bosses' really cared who did the miracles/tempting (seeing as how Crowley is, actually, an angel who 'did not so much fall as saunter vaguely downwards', he can still do miracles), so long as it got done, and that they had more in common with one another, than with the beings who were on their 'side'. So they became friends.
The story picks up with the, well, the beginning of the end. Crowley is called to a meeting, in a graveyard, with two Dukes of Hell. He arrives, stylishly, in his 1926 Bentley, which he has had, mint perfect, since it came off the line, doesn't need petrol, ever, and somehow manages to turn all cassettes left in it to Queen within a fortnight. To his great dismay, he's handed the infant antichrist, and told to deliver him to his new family so they can get going with this whole apocalypse thing.
Crowley delivers, reluctantly, the infant to the hospital, and flees. After he leaves, the nun he handed the baby to (who happens to be an airhead), manages to give the antichrist, not to the American diplomat's family, but to Mr. and Mrs. Young, of Lower Tadfield, England. So, while all the forces of Hell are watching the diplomat child (who, painfully, gets named Warlock), the antichrist is being raised in the middle of nowhere, Britain.
Crowley, having done his job, turns to Aziraphale for ideas, since they've both gone native, and really would rather the apocalypse didn't happen, thank you very much. This is where the Drunken Conversation of Awesome happens.
The boys decide to try and counter the hellish education meant for little Warlock (who, you will recall, is actually a perfectly normal baby, and not the antichrist at all. Just badly named.), in the hopes that he will turn out normal, and not, y'know, Evil. Which they proceed to do, for eleven years.
At the antichrists eleventh birthday, he's supposed to get a pet Hellhound, which will find him and be the beginning of the end. Then all his powers start to kick in, and, well. Sky turning to blood, seas boiling, etc. All sorts of nastiness. Crowley and Aziraphale attend Warlock's party (Crowley comes as part of the catering staff, and Aziraphale attempts to be a magician. It doesn't go well, especially for the dove Aziraphale stuffed up his sleeve. But don't worry, Crowley miracles it back to life later.), to see if their plan did any good.
Only....no Hellhound. So Crowley 'phones home'.
'He opened the car door, flipped on the radio. "I-should-be-so-lucky-lucky-lucky-lucky-lucky, I-should-be-so-lucky-in- HELLO CROWLEY."
"Hello. Um, who is this?"
"DAGON, LORD OF THE FLIES, MASTER OF MADNESS, UNDERDUKE OF THE SEVENTH TORMENT. WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU?"
"The hell-hound. I'm just, uh, just checking that it got off okay."
"RELEASED TEN MINUTES AGO. WHY? HASN'T IT ARRIVED? IS SOMETHING WRONG?"
"Oh no. Nothing wrong. Everything's fine. Oops, I can see it now. Good dog. Nice dog. Everything's terrific. You're doing a great job down there, people. Well, lovely talking to you, Dagon. Catch you soon, huh?"'
But, of course, there is no Hellhound. Rather, the Hellhound has found the *actual* Antichrist, and, fitting itself to its masters unconscious desires, turned itself into an adorable, small, yappy mutt. This does, however, make Crowley and Aziraphale aware that they have, somehow, managed to mislay the antichrist. So they head off to the hospital where he was switched, to try and track where the real antichrist went.
A tip: Don't drive with Crowley.
'The car's engine coughed into life and the car leapt forward, forcing Aziraphale back into the seat.
"And then what?" he said.
"And then we find the child."
"And then what?" The angel shut his eyes as the car crabbed around a corner.
"Don't know."
"Good grief."
"I suppose - get off the road you clown - your people wouldn't consider - and the scooter you rode in on! - giving me asylum?"
"I was going to ask you the same thing - Watch out for that pedestrian!"
"It's on the street, it knows the risks it's taking!" said Crowley.'
'At least cars were better than horses. ... The only horses he could be seen riding on business, in the old days, were big black jobs with eyes like flame and hooves that struck sparks. That was de rigeur for a demon. Usually, Crowley fell off. He wasn't much good with animals.'
So they head off, back to the hospital which is in the countryside somewhere. And then...they get there. But things have changed.
'They got out of the car. Thirty seconds later, someone shot both of them. With incredible accuracy.
.
.
.
'Crowley sank down with his back against a statue. Aziraphale had already toppled backward into a rhododendron bush, a dark stain spreading across his coat.
Crowley felt dampness suffusing his own shirt.
This was ridiculous. The last thing he needed now was to be killed. It would require all sorts of explanations. They didn't hand out new bodies just like that; they always wanted to know what you'd done with the old one. It was like trying to get a new pen from a particularly bloody-minded stationary department.
He looked at his hand in disbelief.
Demons have to be able to see in the dark. And he could see that his hand was yellow. He was bleeding yellow.
Gingerly, he tasted a finger.
Then he crawled over to Aziraphale and checked the angel's shirt. If the stain on it was blood, something had gone very wrong with biology.
"Oh, that stung," moaned the fallen angel. "Got me right under the ribs."
"Yes, but do you normally bleed blue?" said Crowley.
Aziraphale's eyes opened. His right hand patted his chest. He sat up. He went through the same crude forensic self-examination as Crowley.
"Paint?" he said.
Crowley nodded.
"What're they playing at?" said Aziraphale.
"I don't know," said Crowley, "but I think it's called silly buggers." His tone suggested that he could play, too. And do it better.'
At which point the boys find themselves in the midst of a team-building exercise for some corporation, and, because he's Crowley, he turns all their paintball guns into *real* guns.
'"That was a pretty low trick," said Aziraphale, as they strolled through the empty corridors.
"What'd I do? What'd I do?" said Crowley, pushing open doors at random.
"There are people out there shooting one another!"
"Well, that's just it, isn't it? They're doing it to themselves. It's what they really want to do. I just assisted them. Think of it as a microcosm of the universe. Free will for everyone. Ineffable, right?"
Aziraphale glared.
"Oh, all right," said Crowley wretchedly. "No one's actually going to get killed. They're all going to have miraculous escapes. It wouldn't be any fun otherwise."
Aziraphale relaxed. "You know, Crowley," he said, beaming, "I've always said that, deep down, you're really quite a-"
"All right, all right," Crowley snapped. "Tell the whole blessed world, why don't you?"'
They find the idiot-nun-turned-entrepreneur, and discover that they have no way to track down the antichrist. They are, emphatically, boned.
'"Doesn't bear thinking about it, does it," said Aziraphale, gloomily.
"All the higher life forms scythed away, just like that."
"Terrible."
"Nothing but dust and fundamentalists."
"That was nasty."
"Sorry. Couldn't resist it."'
Crowley decides that the best course of action is to head home and get some sleep.
'"You don't need sleep. I don't need sleep. Evil never sleeps, and Virtue is ever-vigilant."
"Evil in general, maybe. This specific part of it has got into the habit of getting its head down occasionally."' (Crowley actually slept through the entire 14th century.)
Apocalyptic-y stuff goes on, yadda, (you need to read the book for these parts, people), and then we get back to Crowley, and his flat.
'In fact the only things in the flat Crowley devoted any personal attention to were the houseplants. They were huge and green and glorious, with shiny, healthy, lustrous leaves.
This was because, once a week, Crowley went around the flat with a green plastic plant mister, spraying the leaves, and talking to the plants.
He had heard about talking to plants in the early seventies, on Radio Four, and thought it an excellent idea. Although talking is perhaps the wrong word for what Crowley did.
What he did was put the fear of God into them.
More precisely, the fear of Crowley.
In addition to which, every couple of months Crowley would pick out a plant that was growing too slowly, or succumbing to leaf-wilt or browning, or just didn't look quite as good as the others, and he would carry it around to all the other plants. "Say goodbye to your friend," he'd say to them. "He just couldn't cut it..."
Then he would leave the flat with the offending plant, and return an hour or so later with a large, empty flower pot, which he would leave somewhere conspicuously around the flat.
The plants were the most luxurious, verdant, and beautiful in London. Also the most terrified.'
(Which scene led me to the following macro.)
MOAR APOCALYPSE STUFF! THE FOUR HORSE PERSONS OF THE APOCALYPSE! A HELLHOUND NAMED DOG! ATLANTIS RISING FROM THE SEA! TIBETANS DIGGING TUNNELS! A PROFESSIONAL DESCENDANT AND A WITCHFINDER! ANGEL RIDING A MOPED INSIDE A PAINTED JEZEBEL!
CROWLEY AND AZIRAPHALE BEING AWESOME LIKE NOBODIES' BUSINESS!
READ THIS BOOK!
Thursday, July 29, 2010
Tobit Chapter 10
*Anna's Distress*
1. Tobit his father was counting each day. But when the days needed to complete the journey ended and they had not returned,+ 2. he asked, "Has he perhaps been dishonored? Or has Gabael died and no one gave him the silver?" 3. So he was very distressed. 4. Then his wife told him, "The young man has perished. That is why he is delayed." Then she began to weep for him and said, 5. "Nothing matters to me, my child, the light of my eyes, for I permitted you to go." 6. So Tobit said to her, "Be silent and have no more thoughts about it. He is in good health."
7. She replied to him, "You be quiet. Do not deceive me. My child has perished." Then throughout the day she went outside to the road by which he had departed, and during the day she did not eat bread. At night she did not cease lamenting for her son Tobias until the fourteen days of the wedding feast were over, the days Raguel swore him to celebrate there.
*The Bride and Groom Depart*
8. Then Tobias said to Raguel, "Send me back, for my father and my mother no longer hope they will see me."+ 9. But his father-in-law said to him, "Stay with me, and I will send messengers to your father. They will make clear to him how you are doing." But Tobias said, "No indeed. On the contrary, send me back to my father."
10. Then Raguel arose and gave Sarah his wife to him, and half of his belongings in servants, cattle, and silver. 11. Then he blessed them and sent them on their way, saying, "May the God of heaven prosper you, my children, before the day I die." 12. To his daughter he said, "Honor your husband's mother and father, for they are now your parents. Let me hear a good report of you," and he kissed her. 13. Then Edna said to Tobias, "My beloved brother, may the Lord of heaven bring you back and grant me to see your children from my daughter Sarah, that I may rejoice before the Lord. Behold, I am entrusting my daughter to your care. Do not grieve her."+ 14. With this, Tobias went on his way blessing God that He had prospered his journey. Then he blessed Raguel and Edna his wife.
~~~
+10:1-7 - The extended fourteen days of the wedding feast (v.7) cause friction between Tobit and Anna because Tobias has not returned home. They try to hush each other up (vv.6, 7).
+10:8-10 - Raguel wants the newlyweds to stay even longer, but Tobias prevails. They depart with a blessing.
+10:13 - Edna's request to see your children from my daughter Sarah is echoed by the Orthodox priest at the crowning service, praying that the wedded couple will "see your children's children."
1. Tobit his father was counting each day. But when the days needed to complete the journey ended and they had not returned,+ 2. he asked, "Has he perhaps been dishonored? Or has Gabael died and no one gave him the silver?" 3. So he was very distressed. 4. Then his wife told him, "The young man has perished. That is why he is delayed." Then she began to weep for him and said, 5. "Nothing matters to me, my child, the light of my eyes, for I permitted you to go." 6. So Tobit said to her, "Be silent and have no more thoughts about it. He is in good health."
7. She replied to him, "You be quiet. Do not deceive me. My child has perished." Then throughout the day she went outside to the road by which he had departed, and during the day she did not eat bread. At night she did not cease lamenting for her son Tobias until the fourteen days of the wedding feast were over, the days Raguel swore him to celebrate there.
*The Bride and Groom Depart*
8. Then Tobias said to Raguel, "Send me back, for my father and my mother no longer hope they will see me."+ 9. But his father-in-law said to him, "Stay with me, and I will send messengers to your father. They will make clear to him how you are doing." But Tobias said, "No indeed. On the contrary, send me back to my father."
10. Then Raguel arose and gave Sarah his wife to him, and half of his belongings in servants, cattle, and silver. 11. Then he blessed them and sent them on their way, saying, "May the God of heaven prosper you, my children, before the day I die." 12. To his daughter he said, "Honor your husband's mother and father, for they are now your parents. Let me hear a good report of you," and he kissed her. 13. Then Edna said to Tobias, "My beloved brother, may the Lord of heaven bring you back and grant me to see your children from my daughter Sarah, that I may rejoice before the Lord. Behold, I am entrusting my daughter to your care. Do not grieve her."+ 14. With this, Tobias went on his way blessing God that He had prospered his journey. Then he blessed Raguel and Edna his wife.
~~~
+10:1-7 - The extended fourteen days of the wedding feast (v.7) cause friction between Tobit and Anna because Tobias has not returned home. They try to hush each other up (vv.6, 7).
+10:8-10 - Raguel wants the newlyweds to stay even longer, but Tobias prevails. They depart with a blessing.
+10:13 - Edna's request to see your children from my daughter Sarah is echoed by the Orthodox priest at the crowning service, praying that the wedded couple will "see your children's children."
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
SPN Season 6 SQUEEEEEEEEEEE
ComiCon interviews!
Misha is confirmed for Cas for Season 6, and Gabriel will be back! Ben Edlund says so! SOMEHOW, SOMEWAY, GABRIEL! I *NEED* IT TO BE RICHARD SPEIGHT, JR. OKAY? A NEW BODY IS NOT ACCEPTABLE!
ALSO, MEBBE HIS KIDS? LOKI'S KIDS WOULD BE AWESOME AND HORRIFIC AND AWESOME ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Misha is confirmed for Cas for Season 6, and Gabriel will be back! Ben Edlund says so! SOMEHOW, SOMEWAY, GABRIEL! I *NEED* IT TO BE RICHARD SPEIGHT, JR. OKAY? A NEW BODY IS NOT ACCEPTABLE!
ALSO, MEBBE HIS KIDS? LOKI'S KIDS WOULD BE AWESOME AND HORRIFIC AND AWESOME ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Good Omens: The Beginning (why yes, I might be doing this for a bit. you'll live.)
IT WAS A NICE DAY.
All the days had been nice. There had been rather more than seven of them so far, and rain hadn't been invented yet. But clouds massing east of Eden suggested that the first thunderstorm was on its way, and it was going to be a big one.
The angel of the Eastern Gate put his wings over his head to shield himself from the first drops.
"I'm sorry," he said politely. "What was it you were saying?"
"I said, that one went down like a lead balloon," said the serpent.
"Oh. Yes," said the angel, whose name was Aziraphale.
"I think it was a bit of an overreaction, to be honest," said the serpent. "I mean, first offense and everything. I can't see what's so bad about knowing the difference between good and evil, anyway."
"It must be bad," reasoned Aziraphale, in the slightly concerned tones of one who can't see it either, and is worrying about it, "otherwise you wouldn't have been involved."
"They just said, Get up there and make some trouble," said the serpent, whose name was Crawly, although he was thinking of changing it now. Crawly, he'd decided, was not him.
"Yes, but you're a demon. I'm not sure if it's actually possible for you to do good," said Aziraphale. "It's down to your basic, you know, nature. Nothing personal, you understand."
"You've got to admit it's a bit of a pantomime, though," said Crawly. "I mean, pointing out the Tree and saying 'Don't Touch' in big letters. Not very subtle, is it? I mean, why not put it on top of a high mountain or a long way off? Makes you wonder what He's really planning."
"Best not to speculate, really," said Aziraphale. "You can't second-guess ineffability, I always say. There's Right, and there's Wrong. If you do Wrong when you're told to do Right, you deserve to be punished. Er."
They sat in embarrassed silence, watching the raindrops bruise the first flowers.
Eventually Crawly said, "Didn't you have a flaming sword?"
"Er," said the angel. A guilty expression passed across his face, and then came back and camped there.
"You did, didn't you?" said Crawly. "It flamed like anything."
"Er, well—"
"It looked very impressive, I thought."
"Yes, but, well—"
"Lost it, have you?"
"Oh no! No, not exactly lost, more—"
"Well?"
Aziraphale looked wretched. "If you must know," he said, a trifle testily, "I gave it away."
Crawly stared up at him.
"Well, I had to," said the angel, rubbing his hands distractedly. "They looked so cold, poor things, and she's expecting already, and what with the vicious animals out there and the storm coming up I thought, well, where's the harm, so I just said, look, if you come back there's going to be an almighty row, but you might be needing this sword, so here it is, don't bother to thank me, just do everyone a big favor and don't let the sun go down on you here."
He gave Crawly a worried grin.
"That was the best course, wasn't it?"
"I'm not sure it's actually possible for you to do evil," said Crawly sarcastically. Aziraphale didn't notice the tone.
"Oh, I do hope so," he said. "I really do hope so. Its been worrying me all afternoon."
They watched the rain for a while.
"Funny thing is," said Crawly, "I keep wondering whether the apple thing wasn't the right thing to do, as well. A demon can get into real trouble, doing the right thing." He nudged the angel. "Funny if we both got it wrong, eh? Funny if I did the good thing and you did the bad one, eh?"
"Not really," said Aziraphale.
Crawly looked at the rain.
"No," he said, sobering up. "I suppose not."
Slate-black curtains tumbled over Eden. Thunder growled among the hills. The animals, freshly named, cowered from the storm.
Far away, in the dripping woods, something bright and fiery flickered among the trees.
It was going to be a dark and stormy night.
-Neil Gaiman, Good Omens, p. 3-5
All the days had been nice. There had been rather more than seven of them so far, and rain hadn't been invented yet. But clouds massing east of Eden suggested that the first thunderstorm was on its way, and it was going to be a big one.
The angel of the Eastern Gate put his wings over his head to shield himself from the first drops.
"I'm sorry," he said politely. "What was it you were saying?"
"I said, that one went down like a lead balloon," said the serpent.
"Oh. Yes," said the angel, whose name was Aziraphale.
"I think it was a bit of an overreaction, to be honest," said the serpent. "I mean, first offense and everything. I can't see what's so bad about knowing the difference between good and evil, anyway."
"It must be bad," reasoned Aziraphale, in the slightly concerned tones of one who can't see it either, and is worrying about it, "otherwise you wouldn't have been involved."
"They just said, Get up there and make some trouble," said the serpent, whose name was Crawly, although he was thinking of changing it now. Crawly, he'd decided, was not him.
"Yes, but you're a demon. I'm not sure if it's actually possible for you to do good," said Aziraphale. "It's down to your basic, you know, nature. Nothing personal, you understand."
"You've got to admit it's a bit of a pantomime, though," said Crawly. "I mean, pointing out the Tree and saying 'Don't Touch' in big letters. Not very subtle, is it? I mean, why not put it on top of a high mountain or a long way off? Makes you wonder what He's really planning."
"Best not to speculate, really," said Aziraphale. "You can't second-guess ineffability, I always say. There's Right, and there's Wrong. If you do Wrong when you're told to do Right, you deserve to be punished. Er."
They sat in embarrassed silence, watching the raindrops bruise the first flowers.
Eventually Crawly said, "Didn't you have a flaming sword?"
"Er," said the angel. A guilty expression passed across his face, and then came back and camped there.
"You did, didn't you?" said Crawly. "It flamed like anything."
"Er, well—"
"It looked very impressive, I thought."
"Yes, but, well—"
"Lost it, have you?"
"Oh no! No, not exactly lost, more—"
"Well?"
Aziraphale looked wretched. "If you must know," he said, a trifle testily, "I gave it away."
Crawly stared up at him.
"Well, I had to," said the angel, rubbing his hands distractedly. "They looked so cold, poor things, and she's expecting already, and what with the vicious animals out there and the storm coming up I thought, well, where's the harm, so I just said, look, if you come back there's going to be an almighty row, but you might be needing this sword, so here it is, don't bother to thank me, just do everyone a big favor and don't let the sun go down on you here."
He gave Crawly a worried grin.
"That was the best course, wasn't it?"
"I'm not sure it's actually possible for you to do evil," said Crawly sarcastically. Aziraphale didn't notice the tone.
"Oh, I do hope so," he said. "I really do hope so. Its been worrying me all afternoon."
They watched the rain for a while.
"Funny thing is," said Crawly, "I keep wondering whether the apple thing wasn't the right thing to do, as well. A demon can get into real trouble, doing the right thing." He nudged the angel. "Funny if we both got it wrong, eh? Funny if I did the good thing and you did the bad one, eh?"
"Not really," said Aziraphale.
Crawly looked at the rain.
"No," he said, sobering up. "I suppose not."
Slate-black curtains tumbled over Eden. Thunder growled among the hills. The animals, freshly named, cowered from the storm.
Far away, in the dripping woods, something bright and fiery flickered among the trees.
It was going to be a dark and stormy night.
-Neil Gaiman, Good Omens, p. 3-5
Monday, July 26, 2010
I Present, The 'Big Damn Brains' Conversation aka An Angel and A Demon Walk Into a Back Room
from Good Omens, because I'm reading it for the millionth time, and I want to!
AND NOW IT WAS THREE O'CLOCK. The Antichrist had been on Earth for fifteen hours, and one angel and one demon had been drinking solidly for three of them.
They sat opposite one another in the back room of Aziraphale's dingy old bookshop in Soho.
Most bookshops in Soho have back rooms, and most of the back rooms are filled with rare, or at least very expensive, books. But Aziraphale's books didn't have illustrations. They had old brown covers and crackling pages. Occasionally, if he had no alternative, he'd sell one.
And, occasionally, serious men in dark suits would come calling and suggest, very politely, that perhaps he'd like to sell the shop itself so that it could be turned into the kind of retail outlet more suited to the area. Sometimes they'd offer cash, in large rolls of grubby fifty-pound notes. Or, sometimes, while they were talking, other men in dark glasses would wander around the shop shaking their heads and saying how flammable paper was, and what a firetrap he had here.
And Aziraphale would nod and smile and say that he'd think about it. And then they'd go away. And they'd never come back.
Just because you're an angel doesn't mean you have to be a fool.
The table in front of the two of them was covered with bottles.
"The point is," Crowley said, "the point is. The point is." He tried to focus on Aziraphale.
"The point is," he said, and tried to think of a point.
"The point I'm trying to make," he said, brightening, "is the dolphins. That's my point."
"Kind of fish," said Aziraphale.
"Nononono," said Crowley, shaking a finger. "'S mammal. Your actual mammal. Difference is-" Crowley waded through the swamp of his mind and tried to remember the difference. "Difference is, they-"
"Mate out of water?" volunteered Aziraphale.
Crowley's brow furrowed. "Don't think so. Pretty sure that's not it. Something about their young. Whatever." He pulled himself together. "The point is. The point is. Their brains."
He reached for a bottle.
"What about the brains?" said the angel.
"Big brains. That's my point. Size of. Size of. Size of damn big brains. And then there's the whales. Brain city, take it from me. Whole damn sea full of brains."
"Kraken," said Aziraphale, staring moodily into his glass.
Crowley gave him the long cool look of someone who has just had a girder dropped in front of his train of thought.
"Uh?"
"Great big bugger," said Aziraphale. "Sleepeth beneath the thunders of the upper deep. Under loads of huge and unnumbered polupol- polipo- bloody great seaweeds, you know. Supposed to rise to the surface right at the end, when the sea boils."
"Yeah?"
"Fact."
"There you are, then," said Crowley, sitting back. "Whole sea bubbling, poor old dolphins so much seafood gumbo, no one giving a damn. Same with gorillas. Whoops, they say, sky gone all red, stars crashing to the ground, what they putting in the bananas these days? And then-"
"They make nests, you know, gorillas," said the angel, pouring another drink and managing to hit the glass on the third go.
"Nah."
"God's truth. Saw a film. Nests."
"That's birds," said Crowley.
"Nests," insisted Aziraphale.
Crowley decided not to argue the point.
"There you are then," he said. "All creatures great and smoke. I mean small. Great and small. Lot of them with brains. And then, bazamm."
"But you're part of it," said Aziraphale. "You tempt people. You're good at it."
Crowley thumped his glass on the table. "That's different. They don't have to say yes. That's the ineffable bit, right? Your side made it up. You've got to keep testing people. But not to destruction."
"All right. All right. I don't like it any more than you, but I told you, I can't disod- disoy- not do what I'm told. 'M a'nangel."
"There's no theaters in Heaven," said Crowley. "And very few films."
"Don't you try to tempt me," said Aziraphale wretchedly. "I know you, you old serpent."
"Just you think about it," said Crowley relentlessly, "You know what eternity is? You know what eternity is? I mean, d'you know what eternity is? There's this big mountain, see, a mile high at the end of the universe, and once every thousand years there's this little bird-"
"What little bird?" said Aziraphale suspiciously.
"This little bird I'm talking about. And every thousand years-"
"The same bird every thousand years?"
Crowley hesitated. "Yeah," he said.
"Bloody ancient bird, then."
"Okay. And every thousand years this bird flies-"
"-limps-"
"-flies all the way to this mountain and sharpens its beak-"
"Hold on. You can't do that. Between here and the end of the universe there's loads of-" The angel waved a hand expansively, if a little unsteadily. "Loads of buggerall, dear boy."
"But it gets there anyway," Crowley persevered.
"How?"
"It doesn't matter!"
"It could use a spaceship," said the angel.
Crowley subsided a bit. "Yeah," he said. "If you like. Anyway, this bird-"
"Only it is the end of the universe we're talking about," said Aziraphale. "So it'd have to be one of those spaceships where your descendants are the ones who get out at the other end. You have to tell your descendants, you say, When you get to the Mountain, you've got to-" He hesitated. "What have they got to do?"
"Sharpen its beak on the mountain," said Crowley. "And then it flies back-"
"-in the spaceship-"
"And after a thousand years it goes and does it all again," said Crowley quickly.
There was a moment of drunken silence.
"Seems a lot of effort just to sharpen a beak," mused Aziraphale.
"Listen," said Crowley urgently, "the point is that when the bird has worn the mountain down to nothing, right, then-"
Aziraphale opened his mouth. Crowley just knew he was going to make some point about the relative hardness of birds' beaks and granite mountains, and plunged on quickly.
"-then you still won't have finished watching The Sound of Music."
Aziraphale froze.
"And you'll enjoy it," Crowley said relentlessly. "You really will."
"My dear boy-"
"You won't have a choice."
"Listen-"
"Heaven has no taste."
"Now-"
"And not one single sushi restaurant."
A look of pain crossed the angel's suddenly very serious face.
"I can't cope with this while 'm drunk," he said. "I'm going to sober up."
"Me too."
The both winced as the alcohol left their bloodstreams, and sat up a bit more neatly. Aziraphale straightened his tie.
"I can't interfere with divine plans," he croaked.
Crowley looked speculatively into his glass, then filled it again.
"What about diabolical ones?" he said.
"Pardon?"
"Well, it's got to be a diabolical plan, hasn't it? We're doing it. My side."
"Ah, but it's all part of the overall divine plan," said Aziraphale. "Your side can't do anything without it being part of the ineffable divine plan," he added, with a trace of smugness.
"You wish!"
"No, that's the-" Aziraphale snapped his fingers irritably. "The thing. What d'you call it in your colorful idiom? The line at the bottom."
"The bottom line."
"Yes. It's that."
"Well...if you're sure..." said Crowley.
"No doubt about it."
Crowley looked up slyly.
"Then you can't be certain, correct me if I'm wrong, you can't be certain that thwarting it isn't part of the divine plan too. I mean, you're supposed to thwart the wiles of the Evil One at every turn, aren't you?"
Aziraphale hesitated.
"There is that, yes."
"You see a wile, you thwart it. Am I right?"
"Broadly, broadly. Actually I encourage humans to do the actual thwarting. Because of ineffability, you understand."
"Right. Right. So all you've got to do is thwart. Because if I know anything," said Crowley urgently, "it's that the birth is just the start. It's the upbringing that's important. It's the Influence. Otherwise the child will never learn to use its powers." He hesitated. "At least, not necessarily as intended."
"Certainly our side won't mind me thwarting you," said Aziraphale thoughtfully. "They won't mind that at all."
"Right. It'd be a real feather in your wing." Crowley gave the angel an encouraging smile.
"What will happen to the child if it doesn't get a Satanic upbringing, though?" said Aziraphale.
"Probably nothing. It'll never know."
"But genetics-"
"Don't tell you from genetics. What've they got to do with it?" said Crowley. "Look at Satan. Created as an angel, grows up to be the Great Adversary. Hey, if you're going to go on about genetics, you might as well say the kid will grow up to be an angel. After all, his father was really big in Heaven in the old days. Saying he'll grow up to be a demon just because his dad became one is like saying a mouse with its tail cut off will give birth to tailless mice. No. Upbringing is everything. Take it from me."
"And without unopposed Satanic influences-"
"Well, at worst Hell will have to start all over again. And the Earth gets at least another eleven years. That's got to be worth something, hasn't it?"
Now Aziraphale was looking thoughtful again."
"You're saying the child isn't evil of itself?" he said slowly.
"Potentially evil. Potentially good, too, I suppose. Just this huge powerful potentiality, waiting to be shaped," said Crowley. He shrugged. "Anyway, why're we talking about this good and evil? They're just names for sides. We know that."
"I suppose it's got to be worth a try," said the angel. Crowley nodded encouragingly.
"Agreed?" said the demon, holding out his hand.
The angel shook it, cautiously.
"It'll certainly be more interesting than saints," he said.
"And it'll be for the child's own good, in the long run," said Crowley. "We'll be godfathers, sort of. Overseeing his religious upbringing, you might say."
Aziraphale beamed.
"You know, I'd never have thought of that," he said. "Godfathers. Well, I'll be damned."
"It's not too bad," said Crowley, "when you get used to it."
-Good Omens, p. 47-52, Neil Gaiman
AND NOW IT WAS THREE O'CLOCK. The Antichrist had been on Earth for fifteen hours, and one angel and one demon had been drinking solidly for three of them.
They sat opposite one another in the back room of Aziraphale's dingy old bookshop in Soho.
Most bookshops in Soho have back rooms, and most of the back rooms are filled with rare, or at least very expensive, books. But Aziraphale's books didn't have illustrations. They had old brown covers and crackling pages. Occasionally, if he had no alternative, he'd sell one.
And, occasionally, serious men in dark suits would come calling and suggest, very politely, that perhaps he'd like to sell the shop itself so that it could be turned into the kind of retail outlet more suited to the area. Sometimes they'd offer cash, in large rolls of grubby fifty-pound notes. Or, sometimes, while they were talking, other men in dark glasses would wander around the shop shaking their heads and saying how flammable paper was, and what a firetrap he had here.
And Aziraphale would nod and smile and say that he'd think about it. And then they'd go away. And they'd never come back.
Just because you're an angel doesn't mean you have to be a fool.
The table in front of the two of them was covered with bottles.
"The point is," Crowley said, "the point is. The point is." He tried to focus on Aziraphale.
"The point is," he said, and tried to think of a point.
"The point I'm trying to make," he said, brightening, "is the dolphins. That's my point."
"Kind of fish," said Aziraphale.
"Nononono," said Crowley, shaking a finger. "'S mammal. Your actual mammal. Difference is-" Crowley waded through the swamp of his mind and tried to remember the difference. "Difference is, they-"
"Mate out of water?" volunteered Aziraphale.
Crowley's brow furrowed. "Don't think so. Pretty sure that's not it. Something about their young. Whatever." He pulled himself together. "The point is. The point is. Their brains."
He reached for a bottle.
"What about the brains?" said the angel.
"Big brains. That's my point. Size of. Size of. Size of damn big brains. And then there's the whales. Brain city, take it from me. Whole damn sea full of brains."
"Kraken," said Aziraphale, staring moodily into his glass.
Crowley gave him the long cool look of someone who has just had a girder dropped in front of his train of thought.
"Uh?"
"Great big bugger," said Aziraphale. "Sleepeth beneath the thunders of the upper deep. Under loads of huge and unnumbered polupol- polipo- bloody great seaweeds, you know. Supposed to rise to the surface right at the end, when the sea boils."
"Yeah?"
"Fact."
"There you are, then," said Crowley, sitting back. "Whole sea bubbling, poor old dolphins so much seafood gumbo, no one giving a damn. Same with gorillas. Whoops, they say, sky gone all red, stars crashing to the ground, what they putting in the bananas these days? And then-"
"They make nests, you know, gorillas," said the angel, pouring another drink and managing to hit the glass on the third go.
"Nah."
"God's truth. Saw a film. Nests."
"That's birds," said Crowley.
"Nests," insisted Aziraphale.
Crowley decided not to argue the point.
"There you are then," he said. "All creatures great and smoke. I mean small. Great and small. Lot of them with brains. And then, bazamm."
"But you're part of it," said Aziraphale. "You tempt people. You're good at it."
Crowley thumped his glass on the table. "That's different. They don't have to say yes. That's the ineffable bit, right? Your side made it up. You've got to keep testing people. But not to destruction."
"All right. All right. I don't like it any more than you, but I told you, I can't disod- disoy- not do what I'm told. 'M a'nangel."
"There's no theaters in Heaven," said Crowley. "And very few films."
"Don't you try to tempt me," said Aziraphale wretchedly. "I know you, you old serpent."
"Just you think about it," said Crowley relentlessly, "You know what eternity is? You know what eternity is? I mean, d'you know what eternity is? There's this big mountain, see, a mile high at the end of the universe, and once every thousand years there's this little bird-"
"What little bird?" said Aziraphale suspiciously.
"This little bird I'm talking about. And every thousand years-"
"The same bird every thousand years?"
Crowley hesitated. "Yeah," he said.
"Bloody ancient bird, then."
"Okay. And every thousand years this bird flies-"
"-limps-"
"-flies all the way to this mountain and sharpens its beak-"
"Hold on. You can't do that. Between here and the end of the universe there's loads of-" The angel waved a hand expansively, if a little unsteadily. "Loads of buggerall, dear boy."
"But it gets there anyway," Crowley persevered.
"How?"
"It doesn't matter!"
"It could use a spaceship," said the angel.
Crowley subsided a bit. "Yeah," he said. "If you like. Anyway, this bird-"
"Only it is the end of the universe we're talking about," said Aziraphale. "So it'd have to be one of those spaceships where your descendants are the ones who get out at the other end. You have to tell your descendants, you say, When you get to the Mountain, you've got to-" He hesitated. "What have they got to do?"
"Sharpen its beak on the mountain," said Crowley. "And then it flies back-"
"-in the spaceship-"
"And after a thousand years it goes and does it all again," said Crowley quickly.
There was a moment of drunken silence.
"Seems a lot of effort just to sharpen a beak," mused Aziraphale.
"Listen," said Crowley urgently, "the point is that when the bird has worn the mountain down to nothing, right, then-"
Aziraphale opened his mouth. Crowley just knew he was going to make some point about the relative hardness of birds' beaks and granite mountains, and plunged on quickly.
"-then you still won't have finished watching The Sound of Music."
Aziraphale froze.
"And you'll enjoy it," Crowley said relentlessly. "You really will."
"My dear boy-"
"You won't have a choice."
"Listen-"
"Heaven has no taste."
"Now-"
"And not one single sushi restaurant."
A look of pain crossed the angel's suddenly very serious face.
"I can't cope with this while 'm drunk," he said. "I'm going to sober up."
"Me too."
The both winced as the alcohol left their bloodstreams, and sat up a bit more neatly. Aziraphale straightened his tie.
"I can't interfere with divine plans," he croaked.
Crowley looked speculatively into his glass, then filled it again.
"What about diabolical ones?" he said.
"Pardon?"
"Well, it's got to be a diabolical plan, hasn't it? We're doing it. My side."
"Ah, but it's all part of the overall divine plan," said Aziraphale. "Your side can't do anything without it being part of the ineffable divine plan," he added, with a trace of smugness.
"You wish!"
"No, that's the-" Aziraphale snapped his fingers irritably. "The thing. What d'you call it in your colorful idiom? The line at the bottom."
"The bottom line."
"Yes. It's that."
"Well...if you're sure..." said Crowley.
"No doubt about it."
Crowley looked up slyly.
"Then you can't be certain, correct me if I'm wrong, you can't be certain that thwarting it isn't part of the divine plan too. I mean, you're supposed to thwart the wiles of the Evil One at every turn, aren't you?"
Aziraphale hesitated.
"There is that, yes."
"You see a wile, you thwart it. Am I right?"
"Broadly, broadly. Actually I encourage humans to do the actual thwarting. Because of ineffability, you understand."
"Right. Right. So all you've got to do is thwart. Because if I know anything," said Crowley urgently, "it's that the birth is just the start. It's the upbringing that's important. It's the Influence. Otherwise the child will never learn to use its powers." He hesitated. "At least, not necessarily as intended."
"Certainly our side won't mind me thwarting you," said Aziraphale thoughtfully. "They won't mind that at all."
"Right. It'd be a real feather in your wing." Crowley gave the angel an encouraging smile.
"What will happen to the child if it doesn't get a Satanic upbringing, though?" said Aziraphale.
"Probably nothing. It'll never know."
"But genetics-"
"Don't tell you from genetics. What've they got to do with it?" said Crowley. "Look at Satan. Created as an angel, grows up to be the Great Adversary. Hey, if you're going to go on about genetics, you might as well say the kid will grow up to be an angel. After all, his father was really big in Heaven in the old days. Saying he'll grow up to be a demon just because his dad became one is like saying a mouse with its tail cut off will give birth to tailless mice. No. Upbringing is everything. Take it from me."
"And without unopposed Satanic influences-"
"Well, at worst Hell will have to start all over again. And the Earth gets at least another eleven years. That's got to be worth something, hasn't it?"
Now Aziraphale was looking thoughtful again."
"You're saying the child isn't evil of itself?" he said slowly.
"Potentially evil. Potentially good, too, I suppose. Just this huge powerful potentiality, waiting to be shaped," said Crowley. He shrugged. "Anyway, why're we talking about this good and evil? They're just names for sides. We know that."
"I suppose it's got to be worth a try," said the angel. Crowley nodded encouragingly.
"Agreed?" said the demon, holding out his hand.
The angel shook it, cautiously.
"It'll certainly be more interesting than saints," he said.
"And it'll be for the child's own good, in the long run," said Crowley. "We'll be godfathers, sort of. Overseeing his religious upbringing, you might say."
Aziraphale beamed.
"You know, I'd never have thought of that," he said. "Godfathers. Well, I'll be damned."
"It's not too bad," said Crowley, "when you get used to it."
-Good Omens, p. 47-52, Neil Gaiman
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