Today has been a good day

A little over a month ago I had my yearly physical. This includes an ultrasound of my thyroid, since people with Hashimoto's (my specific diagnosis for the hypothyroidism) are at a higher risk for developing thyroid cancer or even just growths that eventually need to be removed.

The solution for this, obviously, is to have the thyroid entirely removed, but that's a surgery that's not really done lightly, given the position of the thyroid on your throat, etc. etc. It's not, from what I understand, a particularly risky or dangerous surgery, but I'm of the school that if you don't need to have a surgery you shouldn't have it. Any surgery carries risks. And there are other complications that follow, since your thyroid is actually rather important to your immune system and your emotional stability, and a bunch of other things you never think about until yours doesn't work right.

Anyway. On this years ultrasound they found a nodule that they decided was concerning. Concerning enough that they sent me for a biopsy.

I was supposed to have that biopsy today, and I have a follow-up with my endocrinologist next week. I've spent the past month quietly freaking out, to be honest. It doesn't matter how many times my doctor told me that the chances of it being anything serious are extremely low, or how even if it did turn out to be cancerous that thyroid cancer is extremely treatable.

I've lost a lot of people to cancer.

They always tell you it's treatable, in the beginning.

Sometimes that turns out to be a lie.

I went into the imaging offices today prepared to have needles stuck into my neck so I could find out what I needed to do.

Turns out I don't need to do anything.

The radiology student couldn't find the nodule that was on my initial ultrasound. The radiology tech couldn't find it.

The doctor himself couldn't find it.

It's gone.

Maybe it was never there in the first place. The tech who did the initial ultrasound where the nodule was found was a fill-in - the normal nurse had broken her arm. The imaging center has better equipment - this is what they do and they're the best place around to get this kind of work done. They had me stretch my neck out when the original tech didn't. The position of your neck can affect the shape of your thyroid (amongst other things) and it can make it look like there are things in places that there aren't.

But the tech, my primary physician and my endocrinologist all saw it on the initial ultrasound pictures.

So...I think it was there. Or something was.

And it's gone.

Today is the feast of the Assumption of the Virgin Mary.

I'm thankful, today of all days, that I'm back in my faith. That I had somewhere to turn my fear and worry to and know that no matter what happened, I had that strength to lean on.

I'm Not Really a Responsible Adult. I Don't Even Play One on TV.

I keep meaning to get back to blogging, restart this blog, be myself again, but then I get distracted by a book or a show or I sit down to write and all I want to write about is angry things which is not what I really want to write about.

So I haven't done any of it.

Partially this is because I've been bad about taking my medicine like I should. Certainly my thyroid is not on the level of people who take prescriptions to keep them alive, though it is a permanent and degenerative autoimmune disorder. But if I forget to take my pill one morning it's not going to kill me or endanger me significantly. But it does throw me off. If I miss enough days or am off schedule enough I start to feel sick and cranky and irrationally out of control of my emotions. And I get to feeling like what I imagine depression feels like to some people. I don't want to do anything. I start to lack the energy to do anything but sleep.

Don't get me wrong, this is all my own fault. I know that I have a permanent health problem and I know what to do to maintain a base level of normalcy in my body. But sometimes I forget to do what I should, and since one of the side effects of my thyroid levels dipping in my memory gets worse, it's a slippery little slope.

But I'm being good and I'm feeling better, so inshallah, that won't be a problem anymore.

I've noticed that I'm angrier lately, and I'm not sure how much of that is just being out of whack hormonally and how much is that I've been without a solid religion for so long.

I know that there are plenty of people have no problem living without a faith to follow, but I suspect that I'm not one of them. Or maybe it's just a lingering disappointment in still not having a place to set my feet, so to speak.

Okay.

So I'll get back to the real posts soon, inshallah, but for now, a random observation.

There's a billboard that I pass sometimes that, unfortunately, is in a place I can't get a picture of. There's nowhere to pull over and get a shot of it and I'm not stupid enough to try and take a picture while driving. In spite of some extensive Googling I can't find an example anywhere. But let me tell you how amused I am at some of the billboards that *do* come up. And the fact that one of them is a Hobbit billboard.

Wait. Three. Three Hobbit billboards that Google thinks are about God.

*FOUR*. Google knows something we don't, people.

And one that tells people they can't hold hands with God while masturbating. Which...

I've got nothing.

It's got a sort of clouds and light background and the wording says, 'God is Lord and His is the Glory'.

Want to know what my first thought was, when I saw it?

'When did the Muslims get a billboard?'

I mean I've thought about it since then and I assume that it's actually another Christian billboard but the phrasing just feels so odd to me because I can't remember the last time I heard a Christian say 'God is Lord'. It's always 'Jesus is Lord'.

I really wish they'd put it in a better place so I could get a pic or put the name of their church on it somewhere. Of course it might be on it and I just can't see it because a) driving and b) there are trees.

Okay, end of randomness.

Day 13: More Than You Ever Wanted to Know About My Health

But not in a disgusting way!

I'm just finding new things out and feeling the urge to talk about them.

As some of you know, I have an under active thyroid. Specifically, I have Hashimoto's disease. This means that my immune system thinks that my thyroid is a foreign body and attacks it. This leads to a swollen thyroid which leads to it under producing the hormones it's supposed to be putting out.

The symptoms for under active thyroid are fun: fatigue, sensitivity to the cold, dry skin, hoarse voice, elevated cholesterol, weight gain and difficulty in losing weight, muscle and joint pain, swelling of the joints, muscle weakness, depression, and memory loss to name a few. Not everyone gets all the symptoms, of course. Mine presented as extreme fatigue and depression - as in, unable, literally unable to get out of bed in the morning. I also gained weight continually, no matter what kinds of diets I tried or how I exercised and have yet to be able to lose it all.

I've been working with my trainer for a couple of years now and while we've made progress, it's stopped. And no, I don't eat perfectly but I eat fairly healthily and I exercise 4-5 days a week, heavy on the cardio. I should be losing weight and I'm not.

So I'm seeing a new doctor. I've seen her once and we went over the problems I'm having. She took blood and when I see her next week we'll talk about my options. I'm not looking for surgery or any sort of 'quick fix' because I know from the past that they're not the answer. I just want to know what's still wrong that what I'm doing isn't working.

In the mean time I've been doing some more reading about my thyroid. Turns out that a lot of people who have Hashimoto's also have Celiac disease. And maybe it's just WebMD-itis, but I read through the symptoms for that and I have several. Some of which, like depression/irritability and joint/muscle pain, I thought were left overs from the thyroid. So that's something I'm going to talk about with the doctor next week. I really don't *want* it to be the reason because a gluten-free diet is basically the only answer and all my favorite foods contain gluten apparently! :(

The other thing I've been looking at is the medicine that I'm on. I take Synthroid, which is a synthetic hormone replacement, to take the place of the hormones my thyroid isn't putting out. I've been on it since I was diagnosed, with increasing dosages as time goes on. That's normal, since the thyroid disease is not something that can be 'repaired'. It's something I'll live with for the rest of my life but given the problems that other people I know have it's not that big a deal. I was under the impression that Synthroid was the best/only option out there. *But*.

There's another thyroid (and I can't tell you how many times I've misspelled thyroid in this post...) replacement called Armour. Which is...look away Muslim and/or Vegan readers!


...desiccated, ground up pig thyroid.


Okay, you guys can look now.

But it seems to work better than the Synthroid for some people. So it's something else that I'm going to mention to my doctor. I thought I was managing my disease, but clearly I've remained ignorant and complacent about a lot of aspects of it. No more.

Day 1

First, and most importantly, 2 DAYS LEFT!

I know. I'm excited too, boys!

*cough*

As I was saying. So today is May 1st. I've decided, with the help of Heather, to try a little experiment. I've been considering, for a while, trying a vegetarian diet to see what that does with my health. Not that my health is bad, but I know several people who have switched to vegetarian or mostly vegetarian diets who have experienced some benefits in the realm of weightloss, etc. But my problem is that I am 99% certain that I would not be able to be a vegetarian.

I *like* meat and I don't have any moral qualms about eating something that was alive and had a face. So there's really nothing keeping me from eating meat if I get the urge. And I would get the urge.

So rather than trying to go whole hog vegetarian I'm trying a month of having one 'vegetarian' meal a day. The easiest meal for me to do that with is lunch, so there you go.

I say 'vegetarian' in quotes because there's some debate over what counts as meat. Mostly what I mean by that is that Heather says eggs count and I say they don't. I'm going to do my best to avoid having the egg in my salad, but I'm not going to rule it out entirely since I think I'll get sick of nuts and beans. Or, in this case, not have any ready because I am a slacker. So today there's a chopped up hard boiled egg in my salad.

We'll see how this goes.

ETA: Note: Salads without meat = less than satisfying and delicious. Just for the record.

All the things!

So, first order of business. I would like to announce the...acknowledgement of my best friends sproglet! Eve is having a girl! YAY!

They're not telling anyone the name until closer to actual birth if not after she's born. I think they're a little nervous, truth be told, which is not surprising. First pregnancy and all that. So in lieu of naming the sproglet I'm calling her Evesdottir.

Okay.

So...other things.

Lazy Amber is lazy. Also, Halloween is my favorite holiday, so I kind of went nuts with the staying up late and doing things, etc. So I'm tired again. But less tired than I was before.

Oddly, I think I'm allergic to fish oil. Or maybe something they put in the capsules? See, I have this (tmi time..) spot on my leg where the vein sort of bulges out. It's just there and it's never bothered me or anything. Well, last week? A little before that? It started twinging and itching. At first I thought it was in my head, you know? But then it kept going on. Well, the only thing I'd started doing differently was taking these fish oil capsules because they're supposed to be good for your heart. So I stopped taking them and the pains and the itching has gone away. Which is funny since I've taken the same dosage of fish oil before and not had any problem. Weird.

A tree attacked me Halloween night (no, I wasn't drinking) and I have a lovely scratch/scrape all down the side of my right hand.

Reading Duma Key by Stephen King - very good. We were discussing this the other day and I *know* it sounds bad, but here it is: Stephen King was very good and very dark when he was drinking and taking drugs. He got sober (good for him, don't get me wrong!) and he was still good, but not *very* good and not so dark. Then he nearly died. And when he came back he was better than he'd ever been before. The life cycle of the writer = very strange. And, obviously, this is my opinion. YMMV. Anne Rice, on the other hand, was good when she was drunk, then sobered up and lost her freaking mind. It has never come back.

Also reading The Silver Pigs by Lindsey Davis. Very good. Historical mystery set in Vespasians Rome. I'm only in the first book (it's a series) but I'm loving it. Fast paced, energetic main character. I'm really liking the 'love interest' (I so very, very much want them married by the end of this book which is unusual for me but I think that Helena would be good for Falco. She's awesome on top of a slice of strong willed female) and well it's just well written.

Related note: have any of you ever read the The Girl... series by Steig Larsson? I keep seeing the previews for the movie they've made from the first one, The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo and it's kind of making me want to read the book. But if it's not a good mystery then I don't want to.

We went to a local haunted house thing on Monday. The haunted house was not scary. Okay, it scared two people in the group, but they're kind of giant chickens. Look. Haunted houses' are supposed to be dark. Yes. However, when you have it so dark that the people literally cannot see anything, it's sort of pointless. We went through a corridor where there were heavy canvas-y things hanging in the middle. I assume they were meant to be hanging bodies or something. However, it was so dark that I couldn't see them! So they were just annoying. And the air horn? Not your friend in a haunted house. It's a cheap gimmick to startle people and after the fourth or fifth time? Not so much. Also, over use of the strobe lighting! It can be cool and it helps give the actors that slo-mo movement look (there was one actress who really knew how to use it to the best effect!) but you *can* over do it to the point that, again, the people can't *see* what the hell they're supposed to be scared of! *rolls eyes*

Many props to the little girl who was playing a dead little ghost girl in the haunted house though. She was suitably creepy and kept a very straight and serious face through her whole bit. *thumbs up*

Health Update

Possible TMI because I basically just talk about breasts, but not in a sexy way. Move along if any of this is too much information for you.

Still going to the gym, still following the diet.

We stopped weighing me in a while back because, while I was still shrinking it wasn't being reflected on the scale in any helpful sort of way. Meaning, I'd lose a pound here or there, but nothing like the five pounds a week or three a week that it had been before. The issue, if you want to call it that, is that I'm building muscle while losing fat. So I'm getting smaller but not losing as much actual weight. Still a very good thing.

So we've been measuring me every two or three months. Last time we measured I'd lost, overall, more than five inches. That's taking all the measurements and just adding up how much I've lost. Very good, I think. :D

I notice the weight loss in that my clothes are getting larger, but it's a slow process. The biggest hint I get is in my bra. I've already gone down from a DD to a C cup and down two sizes around my chest as well. Right now I'm in the middle hooks of the chest strap where when I bought it it had to be at the last set of hooks. And I keep having to cinch up the shoulder straps. So that's fun!

The thing with bra's that I have is this: There are two ways the bra can be wrong. It can be too small, or too large. If it's too small then you get muffin tops a/k/a double boob. That's where you look like you've got little boobs on top of your boobs because the excess flesh is being squeezed out the top. It's not attractive. Not at all. When the bra fits properly, this is not an issue. The bra and your breast should be in one smooth line. However, when the bra is too big (either too large a cup size or too large in general) you can get a similar issue to the muffin top. Meaning: it fits okay when you put it on, but when you bend over you fall out of it. Sometimes a little, sometimes a lot. Producing....the muffin top.

So I always delay and worry about shrinking my bras. It's a lot of fiddling for me to find just the right position of all the straps so that there is no muffin top. Because I hate that like a burning, burning thing.

Another fascinating thing: Your body changes in the weirdest ways when you're losing as much fat as I am. It's kind of like deflating. Not a particularly attractive image, I grant you. But that's what it looks like. You wake up some mornings and find new *dents* in your flesh. 

The other thing is, I've been wearing skirts almost exclusively. This isn't for any modesty or 'skirts are women's wear' kind of thing. It's practicality. 1) Skirts are more forgiving to weight loss. I can wear a skirt and have it look good a lot longer than I can pants. They get baggier and look less professional more quickly. 2) Changing clothes at the gym. Slip the exercise pants up under the skirt, whip off the skirt, voila! This is as opposed to the one woman who strips off completely and wanders around the locker room. It's disconcerting to walk in and be greeted by a naked 70 year old woman, alright? 3) I have more skirts that fit than I do pants. And I'm trying not to buy clothes until I absolutely have to. 4) I like skirts. :p

And I really need to go through my closet. Maybe this weekend. Probably not, since I'm lazy. But maybe.

alcohol is a personal fail with me...

So, as some of you may know, I have a slight problem with drinking.

As in, when I start, I kind of have a problem stopping at just the one.

So I decided to stop drinking entirely. I've been good for...wow. A little over two years. I haven't had a drink the whole time. Holy crap.

Well, one of the girls in our office is leaving, and they're having a party for her at a local bar. I said I was going to go, and without thinking about it I was imagining the margarita's I was going to drink. As in, two for one, lots and lots of them.

Two years without having a drink and I want one. Not some burning need, but just: 'we're going to a bar. We must drink alcohol.'

*headdesk*

And now, as the day wears on I'm starting to feel sick. Like, headache, nauseous, all I want to do is go lay down with a book sick.

Anyone else think there's a connection?

I addition to the part where I really shouldn't be drinking, I really can't eat any of the bar food, since it's all fried. And then there's the $30 that I don't really need to spend.

So...I'm thinking my subconscious is messing with my body to tell me that I shouldn't go. We're having a little party here at work anyway, and I'll tell her bye here. But I'm thinking hard on not going at all.

eta: and then I just ate something and I don't feel nauseous anymore. But I ate a good lunch, and breakfast, so it's not like I was hungry or anything. What's up with that?

I Don't Even Know What To Title This

So I was going to do a post about my trainer and how she's given me an ultimatum to get rid of my big, baggy exercise t-shirts. I have until April. Anyway. I was going to do pictures and show you guys how awful it'll be without the nice baggy shirts.

But then I took the pictures.

First, let me say I have no freaking clue why the pics are so damned fuzzy. I think it's something to do with the program I use of the computer. I'm getting a new computer just as soon as my nerd Dad finds one for me. I'm switching to a desktop. Anyway. I'm doing everything the instructions tell me but since I switched to Linux Mint and the F-Pimp or whatever the programs called, my pics are all fuzzy!

Moving on.

So this is the pic of what I wear to the gym right now. Big, right?

And this is a t-shirt that fits.

But here's the kicker. This one's of me in the exercise top that my trainer wants me to wear. Oh my god, people. I look like a real girl! (Ignore the roll looking thing at my waist. It's not a roll. I have the top pulled down over the top of my exercise pants so it looks a little funny.)

Booooooooreeeeeeedddddddd

I'm at work and I have things (work things) to do, and I have things (not work things) that I want to do but which I cannot do because they 'not work things'. So I'm bored. Working, but half-heartedly. :)

My trainer, Julie Anne, has asked me to do a little 'success story' blurb for her. The health center she works at is updating their website and they're redoing the trainers' profiles with success stories from clients. And I'm both a success and a work in progress. So what should I include? I don't know how long to make it, etc. I'm up to abut 65 lbs lost at this point, and I've lost at least 4 sizes in pants/skirts. Tops are a bit harder because I am 'blessed'. *rolls eyes* So only a size or two there. But it's going, and I can feel the muscles under my skin, which is awesome.

Anyway. I've done this before but, since I'm *bored* and cannot do what I want to do for fear of someone important coming past my desk and catching me being naughty, random question time!

Susanne's the only one who ever plays my silly games, but that's okay.

Ask me something, anything. :)

I didn't do it!

My trainer just called to cancel our session this evening. Her oldest daughter, who is down visiting has a swollen, painful, red throat with white pustules on it. They're on their way to the walk in clinic.

It's not my fault! I observed quarantine and I was nowhere near her daughter at all!

Back in the Saddle

Because I am a super genius, I decided to come back to work today. It was actually a good thing because I got to avert a kind of major disaster in the making, but my voice is still basically shot so that's fun. :)

Today is the last Friday of the month which is usually by bookstore day, but it's also Black Friday and I make it a point to never go to any store on this day. Because I am not a good shopper. I hate it the rest of the year (except for book shopping, of course). I hate the crowds and the people. So Black Friday just makes that all so much worse. Also, my Supernatural magazine doesn't come out until the 30th. So I'm thinking I'll just wait and do the bookstore run next Friday.

And I'm debating whether or not I want to go to the movies this weekend. I still haven't seen the new Harry Potter movie, what with having the plague and all. I think the fact that I'm debating it means that I'm probably still not feeling up to it. I'm tired, basically.

Back From the Doctor

So, strep. Yay me!

I've got something called a Z pack? Which is apparently some heavy duty antibiotics. Other than that I'm quarantined for three to four days. I got a doctor's note and everything! So I'm not going to work until Friday.

Ah, joys. I rescheduled my eye appointment for late in December and I cancelled my appointments with my trainer for this week. Now I'm going to lay around, watch tv, read and just generally be a bum. Because I haven't got the energy for anything else. Oh, hey, and maybe I should eat something. Not hungry, but it's 1 in the afternoon and I ate a banana when I got up at 6:30, so I should totally eat something about now.

Can't Sleep - Too Much Pain

Seriously, what the hell? I cannot remember the last time I was hurting so badly that I literally could not sleep. It *might* have been when I had to have surgery several years ago. And then I had an open freaking wound the size of a fist gouged out of my lower back. So I think that was understandable. Not so much right now. It *hurts* to swallow. The Robitussin is keeping me from having to cough, which is great, but it's gotten worse so it hurts to swallow and my upper throat is just pretty much a raw ache all the time now. I'm still not congested, really. My nose is a tiny bit stuffy, off and on, but since my throat is swollen I'm half convinced that the stuffiness in my nose is caused by that somehow. I just broke down and decided to take something for the pain, Ibuprofen or whatever, but hey, guess what? I apparently live in the only house around that doesn't have any bloody Asprin or Advil or Aleve or ANYTHING! I did finally find two Aleve in my purse, though who knows how long they've been in there, but I took them because I need *something*. It's 3 in the morning, and I've just finished looking up my symptoms. So I'm now convinced I might have strep throat. Oh, what fresh hell. I'm going to have to call my friends and cancel going to the movies this afternoon. I'm going to have to miss church and the gym. I think I'm going to have to call off work on Monday, call and cancel my yearly eye exam and get my doctor to squeeze me in. Ugh and crap.

What Fresh Insanity Is This?

My throat hurts. It's hurt for a couple of days, but it's gotten worse. I cough, and it feels pretty much like knives in my throat. Good times, good times.

There's some phlegm, but it's not green or infection colored or anything.

The weird bit is that I'm not congested. Nothing in the nose, nothing in the chest. It's just my throat. WTH? I feel fine, except my voice sounds like crap and the whole coughing and knives thing. I'm taking Robitussin, which helps. It also tastes like butt. Why is that? Why does medicine have to taste like such crap? And what the heck is going on here?

Milestone Reached!

-60 lbs

FINALLY! I've been losing in inches, which is all well and good and I know that it's progress. But seeing it in pounds on the scale? That gives a really tangible sense of accomplishment.

So, yeah. I hit 60 lbs last night. I can lift the whole stack of weights on several of the machines, I'm probably going to take my trainers head off with the medicine ball she makes me chuck at her while I'm doing crunches, I can do 30 min on the treadmill at 3.8 which I don't know what that translates into in mph or anything, but it's faster than I used to be able to do and I alternate 5 min flat and 5 min at an incline of 5. Again, I don't know what that incline translates into. But it's good! And I haven't broken anything in quite a while. I'm just not using that bike that has it out for me.

8 Things Meme

caraboska tagged me, and thus I shall play!

Books I've read recently...

The first four are books I'm reading right now:

1. Orthodox Study Bible

2. Holy War by Karen Armstrong

3. A Place of Safety by Caroline Graham

4. Furies of Calderon by Jim Butcher

5. Faithful Unto Death - Caroline Graham

6. Written in Blood - Caroline Graham

7. Death in Disguise - Caroline Graham

8. Death of a Hollow Man - Caroline Graham


Songs or albums I listen to all the time...

1. Thirty Seconds to Mars - This is War

2. Tony Stark Working Playlist

3. Nickelback - Dark Horse

4. Lady Gaga - The Fame Monster

5. Criminal Scumbag

6. Seether - Finding Beauty in Negative Spaces

7. Inception soundtrack

8. Captain's Fury (an audiobook)


I love...

1. God

2. the Church

3. My family (furry members included!)

4. My friends

5. BOOKS!

6. Supernatural

7. White Collar

8. Florida - despite the humidity!

9. I demand to have an extra: INCEPTION AND ALL THINGS RELATED TO IT.

Things I've learned this year...

1. I'm obsessive. No, really. I mean, I knew that, but it's kind of been driven home, lately.

2. That I have body issues I have not yet dealt with.

3. That I won't go mad and slide back into some old ways if I don't hold myself to impossibly strict standards in all things.

4. Not to bother giving certain people advice, because they don't really want it, and I'll just have to slap them later.

5. I HATE weeding.

6. Soy will kill me. Thus, I can never be a vegetarian. *WHEW* Now I have an excuse!

7. I rush into things, which is weird, since I lack the spontaneity gene.

8. I'm kind of gruesome. In the way that, I don't find things gross that most people would.


New recipes I want to try and make...

I don't have any specific recipes in mind. I just like to cook and try new things.

Favorite online hangouts...

1. Blogs

2. E-mail

3. Amazon

4. LJ

5. DW

6. the YouTube

7. OrthodoxChristianity.net

8. LibraryThing.com


Projects I need to work on...

1. THE BLOODY STUMP IN THE FRONT FLOWER BED THAT APPARENTLY HAS A BILLION ROOTS AND WILL DIE!

2. Clean up comics room

3. Rearrange book shelves (not so much rearrange as put new books in their place and shift things a bit.)

4. More work outs and weight loss! I believe I have fabulous calves just waiting under there...I can *feel* them.

5. Work on some fics I've had ideas for...

6. Start looking for a dress for the wedding I'm going to in October...

7. Get the two books I've loaned out back. They've had plenty of time to read them, and I want my dictionary of angels back.

8. Finish the re-watch of Supernatural in time for Season 6! Praise be to Chuck!

Tags: Whoever wants to do it. :p

It Was Not Meant to Be

I went to have a Hershey's Kiss today, my first one in a million years.

I took it out of the bag, unwrapped it, and discovered....

a maggot, cooked into the chocolate.

I no longer want chocolate.

Clearly, my trainer and God have been conspiring against me.

:pppppp

Mwa-ha-ha!

I have just had a man, who I work with peripherally, hit on and flirt with me.

That is all.

PEOPLE OF THE INTERWEBS!

Or, just, you know, whoever reads me...

I have discovered my kneecaps! While sitting down 'resting' a few moments ago, I realized that my knees now have these odd, curved protuberances in the middle. These things are hard, and move when I bend my legs. I submit, therefore, that they are, in fact, my kneecaps. It puzzles me, because they are so much smaller than I imagined they would be. I've had this image of 'big bones' for so long that the actual size of my bones is sort of surprising to me...

I had the same issue when, while laying down (at a different point, not just now), I poked myself in the hip, and discovered my hip bone. Though that surprise, really, was how far down it is, in relation to the surface of my body. Also, I think I've found my collar bones. Like, I'm not sure if other people can *see* them, but I can feel them. And I feel sort of strange going up to people and asking them if they can see my collar bones. I think that might come off as 'odd'...I can 'shrug' my shoulders, and there's this *dip* between the collar bone and the shoulder blade. A depression, if you'll allow...

Oh! Also, my spine! As in, run your hand over my lower back, and there's curve, dip, curve. And the curves are not fat! Well, not *entirely*. I don't have the back equivalent of a six pack or anything. But it's more not-fat (aka muscle) than fat. The upper back, not so much, yet. We're working on that, but there was more fat there to begin with, so, y'know.

Oh Noes!

My favorite only linen slacks are too big! *wails* It's to the point of too-bigness that even in 3 inch heels they touch the floor. *whinemoan*

My life is full of *such* *drama*!

Fare thee well, linen slacks, you will be joining the other clothes I bid adieu to.

Now, of course, the question is, why did I not realize it was this bad when I put them on this morning? Because I *love* them and they are swishy and *light*! And so I stuck my head in the clothing sand, and put on heels, just for these pants!