An Illustrated Story

This one's for Heather. :D

Warnings: There's a rude gesture at the end. Picture quality is variable. Life is hard. Water is wet.

~~~

*wanders onto a Muslim messaging board*

"Salaam! My name's Amber and I'm a recent convert. I'm very happy to have found you all and I hope you'll have patience with me as I try to learn more about my faith."

"Salaam! Mashallah sister, welcome!..."

"...but sister, where is your hijab? Where is your haya? Please, sister, consider Allah's instructions in the Qur'an, this is best for your iman."

~~~

"Salaam! There aren't a lot of Muslims where I live and I have been having trouble learning how to perform salaah properly. I was wondering if any of you had advice on where to look online?"

"Salaam, sister! Mashallah, you look beautiful in your hijab! But is that make-up? Astaghfirullah! Such adornments should be for your husband only! They draw too much attention and invite fitnah!"

~~~

"Salaam! I am struggling to make the five daily prayers, especially fajr. Is there any advice for what I can do to help motivate myself? I know that the prayers are beneficial, and I love them, but no matter what I do I can't seem to get up consistently."

"Salaam, sister. Your hijab...there is too much color. The sunnah of the Prophet (SAW) shows us that black is the best color. I tell you this for the good of your iman and so that you are not a fitnah to others."

~~~

"Salaam, I'm still hoping to get some advice about my salaah. Especially going into Ramadan I want to make an effort to solidify my practice."

"Salaam, sister, I say this with the best of intentions, but even your face is an attraction. We are told to lower our gaze, but sister, you must take responsibility as well. Your adornments are only to be for your husband, sister."

~~~

"Salaam, I have found a masjid in the next town over but I'm having a hard time finding a way to fit in. I'm shy, unfortunately, and there aren't many converts at the masjid."

"Salaam, sister. The color. It's not appropriate. The sunnah is black. And your niqab is not proper. There is still too much temptation."

~~~

"Salaam, I was wondering if any of you had ideas about how to approach my HR department about prayer space at my work? I usually use an empty conference room but the other day someone walked in on me and it was a little awkward."

"Salaam, sister. Your eyes are too alluring."

~~~

"Salaam, I - "

"Sister, you should not be speaking to non-mahram men. Ask your husband these questions and please, for the sake of your haya, be silent with other men. Also, sister, your name. You should change it to a good Arabic name."

~~~

"Salaam. I will not be changing my name. There is nothing un-Islamic about Amber.

"Also, dear brothers, who have been offering me such unsolicited advice, I would like you to reflect on a verse from the Qur'an.

"'Say to the believing men to cast their gaze down and guard their modesty; that is purer for them; verily God is all-Aware of what they do.' Surat an-Nur, ayah 30.

"You worry about your gaze and I'll worry about mine. Capiche?"

A couple of things, one of which is Book: Standing Alone in Mecca - Asra Q. Nomani (there's kind of sort of a theme...)

I kind of hate writing book reviews because I have a real problem walking the line between not telling people enough about the book and telling them too much. Also I tend to just talk about whatever comes to mind about the book, rather than doing it in some sort of actually helpful manner. You have been warned.

Also, I've been trying to write this post for a couple of days. The universe does not want this post written apparently.

AS A RANDOM (or maybe not so random) ASIDE:

I am thoroughly convinced that there is some sort of magical/mystical download that happens into the brains of women who convert to Islam and become hijabis. It's the only explanation for how they can all do it and make it look natural and perfect and I can't, no matter how many tutorials I watch. (Heather denies this, but I suspect that she's been sworn to secrecy vis a vis this process)

Lemme show you a thing:

This is the face of a woman who really wants her hijab to look good but knows that it doesn't. It is also the face of a woman whose one eye is red and swollen because Allergies and Florida, not because she has some horrible disease.

Admittedly I didn't bother pining it or anything, but still. This is a symptom of my disease. I love hijab, but it doesn't love me.

Also, glasses! Because my allergies are so bad right now that I can't wear my contacts. People tell me I look cute, but I think they're lying because they can see the seething hate behind my eyes.

Basically, I think I look like Bruce Banner when I wear glasses.

Which is fine, you know, if you're a guy. Which I am not.

GLASSES!!!! *shakes fist at sky*

Moving. On.

I picked up this book about four years ago and I'm sure there were a couple of reasons that I chose it, but mainly I recall picking it up because it was a description of someone going on Hajj. Why, you may ask? Because I REALLY would like to go to Mecca. Really a lot.

I will not, because non-Muslims aren't allowed, and I respect that even as I wish it wasn't so. Thusly, I have resigned myself to not ever going to see Mecca and have determined to get my fix vicariously. (As much as I ever resign myself to anything, which is not a whole lot, to be honest.) Still, you know, if they changed that rule (I know this won't happen) I would be there in a hot minute (assuming I could afford it) in spite of the fact that I hate crowds (it's very crowded) and dirt (from what everyone says there is a trash problem) and hotels and travel and....still. Mecca was the reason I picked this book up.

It is about Mecca, and the hajj, to a certain degree. But it's more about how the authors' experience in Mecca changed her and what she did with that change when she returned home. I should say that I've read nothing else by this author and while I'm aware that she's something of a polarizing figure in the American Muslim community I'm not up on any or all of the precise issues surrounding her. All I can talk about here is this particular book and my impressions from it.

Ms. Nomani was a newspaper reporter and it shows in the style of the book. The chapters are broken into sections that resemble newspaper articles more than anything else. They're concise episodes within the larger framework of the book and that makes it an easy book to pick up and read a bit, then set down and come back to later or to read through in longer chunks when you have the time.

I enjoyed the descriptions of Hajj, but I have to admit to being oddly dismayed to be told that the mosque has grown to include the path that Hagar took between Safa and Marwah. Why dismayed? Good question. I'm not entirely sure why this bothers me. Maybe it's because I, in my remove from the emotions of the event, am looking at it and thinking that they've sanitized this remembrance somehow. Does it take away from the impact of what they're doing for the people performing hajj? Probably not, or at least I hope not.

I was also maybe a little more than a bit freaked out by the crushing crowds that are described once or twice. Especially with the author having brought her infant son with her. I'm not claustrophobic, generally, but I think that would have been too much for me. Of course I also should like to think that I wouldn't bring an infant to a place like Mecca with all the possible diseases (not like ewwwwwwwwww *foreign* people, but whenever you travel there are strains of bacteria that you can encounter that are not native to your system, thus they hit you harder than the ones you're used to and with a baby...well. It's not the choice I would have made is all.) and the knowledge that people have died on Hajj due to fires and being crushed by the crowds (some people died during the Stoning of the Pillars on Ms. Nomani's Hajj).

Some of the depictions of Mecca itself made me sad, mostly the commercialization of the place with KFC's and other fast food type restaurants seemingly all over the place. I understand that it is a city and that there are millions of pilgrims, but in my head it's a holy city. KFC seems so out of place.

The question of the disconnect between the mixing of the genders at Mecca and the strict lines that can be encountered in other mosques all over the world stuck out to me too. Why is it okay for women and men to pray side my side in Mecca and not elsewhere?

I have to admit that I kept being surprised by how many things Ms. Nomani didn't seem to know about her own religion until she started looking into it due to the murder of her friend Daniel Pearl and the conception/birth of her son out of wedlock (and being abandoned by her son's father). It seems odd to me, but then I remember how many born Christians believe that the Bible was written in English originally.

My biggest problem, I guess, comes when Ms. Nomani returns home. She has, up until this point, not been involved in the local Muslim community. Due, it seems, to it not being a particularly inviting one to women. But I have to wonder if part of her perception, as a child, of it being uninviting is her mothers' aversion to the mosque. Her mother and father came from India and her mother came from a (according to the authors' book) very traditional area and family. She was never allowed or invited to participate in the community life of the mosque and never felt welcome. So I do wonder if that attitude trickled down to her daughter to a certain degree.

Ms. Nomani, on her return, goes to her local mosque and finds it wanting. Rather than become a part of the community and try and change things from the inside, she seems to appear and immediately begin demanding that things change and change right away to her way.

She refuses to use the women's section of the mosque but rather settles in the back of the men's section, refusing to leave when asked, ordered or threatened. While I can appreciate the point that there is no real reason for the women to be forced to pray in a room that leaves them feeling disconnected from the community, a room that is not equal in cleanliness or access, this felt so harsh to me, coming from someone who is basically a new comer to the community she is demanding change.

I was especially struck when Ms. Nomani describes a young woman who comes to the mosque to convert. She is not permitted to convert in the nice men's (main) hall, in front of the whole community, or even to have a microphone in the women's section so that the community can hear her take her shahadah. Instead she converts with only the other women present, and according to Ms. Nomani, laments that "This isn't the Islam I was promised." as she leaves. And I can relate, not to the specific circumstance, but to finding a religion not as promised.

I think we can all relate to that, to one degree or another.

*looks over 'review'*

I told you I was bad at this.

Anyway. Generally, I enjoyed the book. I'm not sure that I would like Ms. Nomani in person, but I found her writing to be easy to digest, informative, and it certainly kept my interest. Not so useful as an introduction to Islam (I have no impression that it was meant to be), it's definitely a memoir that gives you one point of view on the religion.

Day 21: That sounds like a lot of effort, actually.

Back to our regularly scheduled posts!

For those who forgot, I'm working on parts of this: "Your favorite Bible story, Quranic story, hadith, story from other religions. Least favorites. Hardest stuff to understand from each. Hardest things to give up if you converted to one or the other, etc." In whatever order and depth I want. :p

Keeping with the theme we started, we're sticking with Islam for the day. But today is going to be about what I find the hardest to understand in Islam and what I'd find hardest (I think) if I converted.

So. The hardest thing to understand, for me:

The hadith. There are so many of them and some are 'authentic' and others are 'suspect' (I know these aren't the right terms but this is how I think of them) but people will use the 'suspect' ones if they back up what the person is saying and each madhab seems to consider different hadith as authentic versus suspect and some of the hadith that are 'authentic' seem to contradict the Qur'an or have *really* strange rulings in them that make Islam look like the creation of a brilliant man with severe OCD. Sometimes I think it would be much better if they were all just chucked and people stuck only to the Qur'an and what it says. After all, isn't the Qur'an supposed to be self-sufficient?

Random moment: In my speech class a week or so back we had to give an impromptu speech, meaning that the teacher came around and gave us a question or a prompt that we then had to give a 1 - 2 minute speech on. My prompt was basically, 'If you could meet anyone in the world who would it be and why?' Since there wasn't any time or geographic limitations, I got up and spoke about how, assuming that I had a time machine, I would go around and meet the founders of the worlds' religions. Abraham, Jesus, Mohammed, Buddah, etc. And I would talk to them, maybe ask questions based on what has come down to us from their time, etc. try to get it straight in my head.

But I said, leaving whether or not any of them are the 'correct' religion aside, I would like to talk to them all because they must have been extraordinary men in their own rights. Most religious movements die out after the death of the founder. Theirs not only didn't die out but came to dominate the religious world.

Anyway.

Things I would find the hardest to give up if I converted: Simple, really. Pork and alcohol. I'm not much of a drinker anymore but I do like to have a drink every so often when I go out. And pork. Wow. We eat a lot of pork, which is not something that I'd ever noticed before. But we do. I don't know if it's a Southern thing or what, I mean we really like our bar-b-que's and that means pork. So...I think that would be the hardest.

I think (and this is going to sound so odd to everyone who's been here for a while) another thing that would be difficult would be hijab. I've moved in a different direction from where I was once, when I thought that headcovering was a requirement of God. I'm not sure that I would be a hijabi, mostly because I don't believe that it's what is commanded in the Qur'an. I see a call to modesty, but modesty does not equal the current idea of hijab, in my opinion.

It seems so shallow, looking over what I'd find 'difficult', but this is from the outside. I'm certain that if I did convert there would be things that would surprise me when I found them difficult.

Day 19: Some of my favorite stories from Islam

Another Susanne topic!

Well, part of one. Susanne asked: "Your favorite Bible story, Quranic story, hadith, story from other religions. Least favorites. Hardest stuff to understand from each. Hardest things to give up if you converted to one or the other, etc."

And it's obviously more than one topic, but I thought I'd address a little bit of a few of them. Sort of.

So, Islam. Some of my favorite stories:

While not from either the Qur'an or the hadith (as far as I know - there are a lot of hadith, so I could be wrong here!), my absolute favorite story related to Islam is the story of Mohammed and Khadijah. Maybe it's the little girl in me who grew up with the idea that a prince was coming to rescue me someday, but there's something utterly dear and romantic to me in their relationship. I mean I understand that it's what's been related almost 2,000 years later, but it just seems so...not *perfect*, because no relationship is, but...lovely.

I don't think I really have a favorite story from the Qur'an itself. Though if I was forced to choose I think it would be the Qur'an's version of the sacrifice of Abraham. Mostly because, unlike the Biblical version, Ishmael shows awareness of what is happening and gives consent to being sacrificed. In the Bible it comes off as though Abraham dragged Isaac up to the top of a mountain and is going to kill him. Not that human sacrifice is a good thing, but at least in Ishmael's case he makes the decision himself rather than solely being a victim.

My favorite story from the hadith would be the story of Abraham and Ishmael's wives:

The Prophet (pbuh) continued: "After Ishmael's mother had died, Abraham came after Ishmael's marriage in order to see his family that he had left before but he did not find Ishmael there. When he asked Ishmael's wife about him, she replied: "He has gone in search of livelihood." Then he asked her about their way of living and their condition, and she replied, "We are living in misery; we are living in hardship and destitution,' complaining to him. He said: "When your husband returns, convey my salutations to him and tell him to change the threshold of the gate (of his house).'

"When Ishmael came, he seemed to have felt something unusual, so he asked his wife: 'Has anyone visited you?' she replied, 'Yes, an old man of such and such description came and asked me about you and I informed him and he asked about our state of living and I told him that we were living in a hardship and poverty.' On that Ishmael said: 'Did he advise you anything?' She said: 'Yes he told me to convey his salutation to you and to tell you to change the threshold of your gate.' Ishmael said: 'It was my father and he has ordered me to divorce you. Go back to your family.' so, Ishmael divorced her and married another woman from among them (Jurhum).

"Then Abraham stayed away from them for a period as long as Allah wished and called on them again but did not find Ishmael. So he came to Ishmael's wife and asked her about Ishmael. She said: 'he has gone in sof our livelihood.' Abraham asked her; 'how are you getting on?' asking her about their sustenance and living. she replied: 'we are prosperous and well off (we have everything in abundance).' then she thanked Allah. Abraham said: 'What kind of food do you eat?' she said: 'meat.' he said: 'what do you drink?' she said: 'water.' he said: 'O Allah! bless their meat and water.""

The Prophet (pbuh) added: "At that time they did not have grain, and if they had grain he would have also invoked Allah to bless it. If somebody has only these two things as his sustenance, his health and disposition will be badly affected unless he lives in Mecca."

The Prophet (pbuh) continued: "Then Abraham said to Ishmael's wife: 'When your husband comes give my regards to him and tell him that he should keep firm the threshold of his gate.' When Ishmael came back he asked his wife, 'did anyone call on you?' she replied: 'yes, a good looking old man came to me,' so she praised him and added: 'He asked about you and I informed him that we were in a good condition.' Ishmael asked her:' did he give you any piece of advice?' she said; 'yes, he told me to give his regards to you and ordered that you should keep firm the threshold of your gate.' on that Ishmael said: 'It was my father, and you are the threshold of the gate. He has ordered me to keep you with me.'

Sorry, I don't know what book of hadith this is from. :(

I actually, when I first learned of this hadith, had problems with it. Mostly because I had this impression of Abraham as a father who totally abandoned Ishmael and Hagar and then came by years later to rag on him for his choice of wives. However I understand the Islamic version of the story better now and I get that, at least from their perspective, Abraham didn't completely abandon them and then show up later. He spent time with Ishmael and there was every reason for him to respect his fathers' opinion. But that's not why I like it. Why I like it is because it touches on the concept (to me) of not gossiping, of not talking behind someone's back. And I think that that's very important.

Gossiping is just...terribly destructive. I hate it. It's so easy for people to hear wrong or to take what they hear and twist it and cause strife within any group. It serves no purpose at all except to cause harm. There is, of course, a difference between 'gossip' and warning people of danger, but I don't think that's necessary to get into right now.

I think I'll touch on other parts of the question tomorrow. It's almost time for me to go home and I don't think I'll have time to write on this any further tonight.

All-American Muslim S1 Ep 2 - The Fast and the Furious

Because *everyone* has to have an episode titled after those movies if they can. It's actually a law. I swear. Don't believe me? Well, okay. Maybe not so much as law as a suggestion... :)

According to the summary this is supposed to be focussed on Fouad and the football team. How they have to adjust the schedule to deal with Ramadan.

Jeff's shahada...I actually made a note to come back to this after the show was over. So. The shahada is basically a profession of faith. It's not like a magic phrase where you say it and *zap* Muslim. It's something that, to my mind, you say when you've already become a Muslim in your heart. They mentioned on the last show that you could say it to yourself, but I was always under the impression that there needed to be Muslim witnesses.

Anyway. The shahada is really simple:

لا إله إلا الله محمد رسول الله

lā ʾilāha ʾillallāh, Muḥammad rasūlu-llāh

There is no god but God, and Muhammad is the messenger of God.

Monotheists have no problem with the first half, it's the second one that causes the issues.

The Shi'a shahada is a little different, I believe. They have an additional phrase referencing Ali, naming him the friend of God, or the successor of Mohammed as it were. 


Wee! Okay, I know nothing about football, but watching the boys skirmish is entertaining. That one kid who caught the ball ran really fast, I think. Very impressive.

So in order to deal with Ramadan they've changed the practice schedule to be at night. They'll be practising from 10 pm until 5 am. which seems like a really good idea. I think we all know, but just in case: for Ramadan Muslims are asked (with exceptions for health, etc.) to fast from sunrise to sunset. No food or water at all which is more severe than the fast that anyone else I'm aware of keeps. Apart from some monks, religious. Theirs could be more intense, I'm not sure.

Okay, so Nawal is a respiratory therapist. Good to know.

Is that hostess really ignoring them or is it just the line? I'm rewatching to pay more attention to the people in front of them. The two women were there first and the one man...he's still there in front of them in line...

Ugh. I can't tell. The hostess tossing the menus on the table and then walking away was really incredibly rude, no doubt. They definitely don't do that in the restaurants around here. It's improper behaviour.

ETA: I had another thought about the hostess being rude at the table: maybe she didn't like being on camera?

Ah! So Nader is a federal agent. I like finding out what they do! Don't ask me why.

I have heard/noticed that pregnancy changes people. All those hormones, you know.

Samira (medical receptionist) Fawaz is Sahida's sister. Oh, that's got to hurt, I think. She works in an ObGyn office and she's having trouble getting pregnant.

I thought the issue with adoption was that they (in Mohammed's time) didn't want the children to lose their family connections, name, etc. Not that it was difficult for the child to be...I think the word the used was hallala (halal?) or 'permitted'. I've never heard that used in that way before. 'Halal' has always been, in my limited experience, just the way to describe what is allowed and what is not. So...like drinking ice tea = halal. Drinking a Long Island Ice Tea = haram. Because of the alcohol. I thought that the only issue with people was whether or not they were mahram. So I guess I could see a kind of issue there, but really are there that many men out there who are wanting to marry little girls that they've raised as their own daughters? I think not.

And apart from that, if you've taken the child as your own family and are standing as 'blood' then why can't it be taken as being mahram. When I was considering converting to Islam I asked whether or not my step-father would be mahram (basically concerned with whether or not I'd have to wear hijab essentially 24/7 since we live in the same house) and I was told that they'd consider him mahram since he's married to my mother. No, wait, I think I answered my own question. There's a prohibition against marrying the daughter or a woman you're married to, isn't there? I think there is but I'm too lazy to look it up. Anyway. I find their choice of word strange, whether or not adoption is allowed. Maybe they were just simplifying the wordage for tv?

Oh god, Sahida is such a redneck.

'a big part of it is your belief and your relationship with God' - True. But if you're not following basic rules, is there the possibility that there is a lack of belief? I'm not thinking of their hijab, but alcohol. They were specifically talking about drinking or being in places where alcohol is served. I don't know that Nina drinks (I'm sure that Nawal doesn't) so I'm not saying that. Just wondering.

Okay, so on to Samira's visit with the sheikhs about the infertility issue.

I have to say I really enjoy listening to the Arabic. Don't understand a word, but it's pretty. Like French. Not that they sound alike, but they both strike me as very 'flowing'.

Moving on...

So Samira asks if it would be okay to get invitro using another man's sperm. The sheikh  says it wouldn't be a problem if they used her husband's sperm but that it's prohibited for it to be another man's sperm. Which I get, not that it makes it any easier on the people having the trouble.

Now, Samira asks if her wearing hijab would be of any help in them trying to get pregnant. I like that the sheikh points out that there's no connection between getting pregnant and wearing hijab. He does lay out that wearing hijab brings more blessings into your life, 'God will cooperate more with you, you will have more good things in your life'. Which I don't like so much.

If you have the right faith and are keeping the core of Islam, which I see as faith in God, prayers and charity then what difference does the cloth make?

They already have a grandchild! Adam! Sahida's son. Hello!

'I think women are greater than men.'

'Islamically, they are.'

Really? How so? I'm not being sarcastic, I really don't get that. I thought the key was equality. That men and women were equal, yet different.

Blah, blah, Sahida and the country fest...

Football!

I'd be concerned about the night practices too. When's the kid supposed to sleep? And the parents have to get up and drive him there, etc...

'Is that because of their religious beliefs?' - Yeah. Duh.

Nawal always looks so nice...

Her mom wants her to come live with her after she has the baby? No...bad idea. Bad. So the mothers used to stay in bed for 40 days after giving birth, not leaving the house? No. I'd go nuts.

Jeff's first Ramadan? I have to admit that I'm getting more and more the impression that Jeff didn't really...test drive the religion first. Which makes me unhappy. I think it's important to know what you're getting into. And I'm not sure Jeff did.

Okay, I have serious scarf envy right now. I *know* that this is a very important personal choice for Samira and I hope that it brings her something she needs whether or not they succeed it getting pregnant. But seriously. I would move to Dearborn for the scarves. Okay? I have hijab envy and I won't lie.

I like Nawal more and more. I think I jumped to conclusions about her before, calling her judgy. In one of the couch sessions they're talking about the hijab and Nawal says that basically, who is she to go to Angela or Nina and tell them they're not being good Muslims because they're not wearing the hijab. She may *think* that they should be hijabi, but I do like that she has the sense that it's not her job to police their religion.

Bilal doesn't seem to have that sense. Nader is so cute!

Seriously, why do these crazy people think they're doing anything good by going and harassing Muslims? Or anyone really, but since this is a show about Muslims. 'Mohammed is a pedophile!' Really? You think that's going to bring people about to your point of view? No. Not even accurate in the first place and extremely insulting. Unhelpful.

Huh. I never thought about crowd control for taraweh. Pretty mosque...

Okay, not to be insulting (which is what you say before you say something insulting...), but Bilal, honey, you could fast for a while and live off of stored food. And I say that as a person who is unnecessarily heavy (new code for fat!). So I think it's a bit different for Jeff who is about as big around as a stick.

Also, the football players? Are crazy. I mean that's dedication. Football in the middle of the night, after fasting all day, low on sleep. It's got to be hard.

I wonder if, for your first Ramadan you could ease into it. Don't children do that? When they decide that they want to do what Mommy and Daddy do and fast, they fast until they decide not to any more? Eventually they hit adulthood and start to fast all through Ramadan? Can't we treat converts like kids for a while?

I do like the attitude that they shouldn't care whether or not others are fasting. It's a personal thing, right?

Samira's putting on the hijab and taking down all the photos of her without hijab. Which does make a certain amount of sense. I'm not sure about her focus on thinking that putting on the hijab will somehow convince God that he should give her a child. I think if she still doesn't get pregnant that it's going to be a big problem for her.

See, I still love Mohsen.

All-American Muslim - Ep 1

So the plan is to do a sort of running commentary on this show as it airs. This first post is a bit late since I didn't decide to do this until Monday morning.

First things first: this is a show on TLC following five Muslim families living in Dearborn, MI. I didn't realize it on my first watching but all of the families featured are Shi'a which is not the 'most common' branch of Islam. When people think of Islam, if they're aware that there are sects within it at all they think of Sunni.

it starts with some of the people sitting talking on couches. They're arguing about whether or not a Muslim man can marry a non-Muslim woman. The two men say that they can but one of the women, who is the judgy one, says that 'for the actual ritual of marriage both parties have to be Muslim'.

I like Shadia (Amen). She's very much herself, if that makes any sense. She's engaged to an Irish Catholic man (Jeff) who converts to Islam during this show. And she has a 10 year old son from her previous marriage.

Her parents were less than thrilled with her dating since that's typically frowned on in Islam.

The thing I like about Shadia and Jeff is that they seem to be willing to do whatever to be together. It's not about Catholic or Muslim but being with one another.

Okay. Then we get Nader & Nawal Aoude. They've been married for 10 months and she's getting ready to have their first child. And his sense of humor is adorable, I think. Like in the first meeting she says that she wants to have the baby at 38 weeks and he's laughing, asking if she's going to be sending the baby an email to tell it it's time.

Shadia has one brother and two sisters, none of whom appear to be married. I read a review that said that Shadia's father came off as a hidebound old Muslim who couldn't bend from the need to see his daughter only marrying a Muslim. I can see it, but I don't think he came off as crazy harsh. Shadia herself said that she wanted to only marry a Muslim. So it's not just something coming from her father.

It is important to him, but it's not unreasonable. If you're truly dedicated to your religion and it says that it is only proper to marry another member of that religion then it wouldn't sit easily if one of your children married out of the faith. It's no different from Catholics only marrying Catholics, etc. Christianity has (for the most part) drifted from that hard line but it's still there, trust me. I had that mentality myself, back in the day.

'There's been death and wars. People kill because of women.'

'No- Not- It wasn't because of the woman, it was because of the moron who started the war, which was a guy.'

Right, Nina Bazzy. I kind of like her personality, but I have to be honest that I can't stand the way she dresses. It reminds me of the kids on Jersey Shore. But that's a personal issue that doesn't really reflect on her personality, religion, etc. I just don't like her clothes! She's married and has a young son who is adorable! She works as a party planner and wants to open up a club. Her business partner doesn't think it's a good idea because she's a woman and clubs and women (running them) don't go together.

He keeps mentioning that 'you're a girl' and that she has other responsibilities. Like her family. *rolls eyes* But I do like Nina - because she keeps being told that she shouldn't do something it makes her want to do it more.

Another couch session: they're talking about converting to Islam. Now, all of the people on this show with the exception of Jeff are born Muslims. There's a whole thing about converting and people not understanding that Islam is a religion and that you have to follow it and not 'adapt it to fit your life' which I think is bull. Yes, you have to adapt to the religion, but if Islam isn't adaptable to modern life then it's sort of pointless, isn't it? There's a middle ground somewhere in there.

Anyway. Nina makes this comment about how if you're going to convert then 'you have to do it right' and Judgy Woman (who is one of Shadia's sisters, actually) says, 'How do you expect people to convert and expect them, because they're converts to be perfect, to try and be perfect-'

And then Nina interjects and says there's no such thing and one of the other women says they should at least know what they're getting into.

Then Judgy Woman says: 'Like Nina just said, if you're going to convert, you have to do it right, but what about the people who were born into it, they don't have to do it right?'

And I actually get her point, maybe. Nina is not a 'proper' Muslimah, is such a thing exists. She doesn't wear hijab, she works with men, she wants to run a club, etc. Things that, from the looks that were passed around in that couch session were indicative of her not living the kind of Islamic life that she would expect from a convert.

Then there's a little scene with Jeff and Shadia's father (Mohsen) about whether or not Jeff's really thought about what he's doing, converting to Islam. And that Mohsen doesn't want Jeff to feel pressured to have to convert. 'You do it from yourself'. See, that's part of why I can't see what that article was talking about. He seems like such a sweet guy! He even practiced the shahada with Jeff to help him get the pronunciation right!

Fouad and Zaynab Zaban have been married for 12 years. See, when I first watched this I somehow got the impression that the parents required their daughters to start wearing hijab at 9, which I had a problem with. On the second watching Fouad is just saying that they started wearing it around 9 which leaves it more open to it being the daughters' desire. You could argue that the daughters were influenced, but what children aren't influenced by their parents and their peers?

Fouad is the high school football coach and he has the mouth of a sailor on the field, fyi. It's interesting to hear him having to work out the problem of how to train and play football during Ramadan since all the players will be fasting.

Jeff's family - his mother has a problem with him converting to Islam. Not enough to not attend the wedding or anything, but you can see that it hurts her. She starts out trying to play it off as it being okay, but she breaks down and cries about it later on and winds up not attending the conversion.

Angela and Mike Jaafar may be my favorite couple. They were high school sweethearts who've been married for 11 years. They have four kids, 2 girls and 2 boys. Mike is a Deputy Chief for the sheriff department. And their kids are so cute it hurts! Angela also works as a liaison for an auto manufacturer.

I don't like how TLC cuts their teasers before the commercial break. For instance, they make it look like Jeff has cold feet right at the moment of saying his shahada. However, having seen the show I know that that's not what happens at all. Very misleading.

Shadia's brother: 'I've got an announcement to make. Me and Jeff were outside talking. Jeff's decided that we're converting to Judaism. But I brought him back to Buddhism and then we worked on Islam. I had to pay him a couple hundred, so he's going to covert.' *lol*

One thing Shadia says is that you can convert by saying the shahada by yourself. I was always under the impression that you needed Muslim witnesses to make it 'official'.

The Imam's little flub using the wrong sisters name is funny. Suehaila is, I think, older than Shadia and there's apparently a running thing about trying to find her a husband.

I did find it interesting that, from what part of the ceremony they showed the same questions are asked of both the female and the male.

I'm liking more and more the tradition of the woman keeping her name when she marries, fyi. I know that most of the couples on this show have the same last name, but that's just an aside. Of course I'd still take my husband's name because I hate my own - it's the name of my asshat adoptive father. And I'm not going back to my bio dad's name because he was also an asshat. Men. *sigh*

I love the hijabs on this show. How come the hijab never looked as lovely on me when I wore it?

Oh! Oh, crap. I just realized that Judgy Woman is Nawal. Crap. I think it's because she's pregnant during the show but not pregnant in the couch sessions. So they must have been filmed later. I *thought* Nawal and Judgy Woman looked a lot alike! Ooops!

The reception for Jeff and Shadia is very pretty and it's an interesting mix of Jeff's Catholic family and the Lebanese Muslim family of Shadia. Jeff's cousin does a traditional Irish dance which is always neat to watch and then Shadia's family hired a belly dancer.

Judgy-Nawal likens belly dancers to strippers, which I think is rude and excessive. And not at all accurate. The dancer they had wasn't wearing the traditional 'harem girl' kind of outfit, but something loose and flowing. Also, some of the Muslim side of the wedding were making fun of Jeff's male family members for getting too into the belly dancer routine. I didn't see the leering that they saw, but we only get bits and pieces, so maybe it happened off camera for us.

The Niqab Ban

So, we all know that I am speaking from the peanut gallery on this matter. I'm not Muslim, and I don't ever intend to be a Muslim. Even when I was seriously investigating Islam as a possible convert, I did not find the evidence for the niqab being fard to be overwhelmingly convincing. Hijab, yes, if we're speaking of a standard of modesty. Not so much if we're speaking of a very specific uniform. Okay?

That being said, I am very much against banning the niqab. In the exact same vein I am against any religious clothing being banned in public. So yamuka, headscarves of other religious women, a Sikh turban, tzitzit, crosses, crucifixes, rosary beads, prayer ropes, etc.

France says that they are banning the face veil because of security concerns. I don't believe that to be true, given that their president flat out said that he was against the Islamic face veil in particular. They're a 'secular country', right?

In my opinion, that's fine and dandy. A nation can be secular. It should be, as a matter of fact - in the sense that the nation should not be run on religious rules. Any nation run on religious rules will, without fail, wind up discriminating against those people living within it who are not of the predominant faith. That doesn't mean that the people, however, must be secular or that the secular nation can or should infringe on their rights. One of the rights people have is religious freedom. If a woman believes that her faith requires her to veil her face in public, then she should have the right to do that. In the same way that other women have the right to walk around half naked on beaches. Two ends of the same problem.

'The Overgarment' - A Pictoral

Candice did a post a few days ago about the jilbab and whether or not it can be worn without anything under it outside since it wouldn't make any difference to a woman's hijab requirements. The jilbab plus a scarf covers everything that has to be covered. Anyway, for some random reason that post made me want to do this post. The jilbab/scarf combo does meet all the hijab requirements and sure, if you're going to be wearing it anyway then you're not about to whip it off in the middle of the market so it doesn't, in a practical sense, matter. But it does cease to be an overgarment if it's the only thing you've got on.

For the purposes of this post lets assume that we all agree that Islam dictates a specific dress code and not just an enjoinder to modest dress and action, okay? I know there are arguments for both sides of that matter, but if you don't think that there's a specific rule about types of clothing then the jilbab doesn't matter anyway, does it?

For purposes of all 'hijabi' pics, I am aware that the clothes aren't loose enough to make most Muslims happy with them as hijab. I've gotten rid of all of my really loose clothes though, so this is more illustrative without being exactly correct hijab. It's the best I can do with what's in my closet. :)

Right. So, first, because I felt like it, here's typical casual me:

Now, I've heard different opinions on what clothing is appropriate when one is with other women or maharams. One says that you only have to be covered from collar bone to knees:

The other says that you have to be covered from collar bone to ankles and that your arms have to be covered to the elbows:

Unless, of course, you're concerned that the people you are with might tell tales about your looks. In which case you have to have your hair covered as well (which is also what you should wear around non-maharams):

So one way or the other that's the minimum amount of clothing that you have to wear when you're in the presence of any other human person. Excepting your husband, of course and then you get can naked when the appropriate occasion comes up. But that's neither here nor there...

Anyhow. That's my understanding of what is required, at the minimum for Muslimahs to wear. Like wearing a shirt and pants is the minimum in society. Yes, there are exceptions - people who walk around shirtless, etc. But that's not polite and they're not really dressed appropriately for most situations.

Now then, if that's what you have to wear inside and there's a requirement for an extra layer when venturing outside then it's essentially a coat, right?

And a coat is only a coat when you can take it off if you need to. That's why it's outerwear. You wear it outside/over your regular clothes. Like underwear is what you wear under/inside your clothes. :)

Can you wear a coat without anything under it?

Sure. If it's long enough you can even wear it as a dress. My favorite coat is long enough:

If it buttoned all the way down it would be just as long as my dress which is appropriate for all sorts of situations. No, you don't get an illustration of that one because sadly my coat doesn't button all the way down. :( But you can see the length illustrated, yes? But if I wear it as a dress it stops functioning as a coat and functions as a dress. I can't take it off if I get too warm. Similarly, for a friends wedding many years ago I wore a Jackie O style suit. A jacket with a matching skirt. It was the middle of October and I decided not to wear a top under the jacket so that the jacket became my top. I couldn't take it off because if I had I would have been in my underwear. See?

So while it's possible to wear the jilbab/abaya plus scarf as your only clothing and meet the requirements for Islamic dress it stops being outerwear once you've done so and just becomes your clothing. Nothing wrong with that, as far as I'm concerned (then again this is all from the peanut gallery anyway) but it's not an overgarment any longer because it's not 'over' any other garments.

On a sort of related note, the whole, once the women are old and have no prospects for marriage they can start removing layers thing annoys me. I get that it was a different time and all *hand waves* but who says older women aren't attractive? Are the Islamic rules of modesty only about sexual attraction? Then what's all that talk about respect and seeing the women as people and not sex objects, etc. all about? At what age does a woman stop being attractive? Especially in today's day and age.

You want to talk about attractive women who are way past 'marrying age' as thought of way back when?

Talk to Helen Mirren:

Or Judy Denche:

Not that that has anything to do with anything whatsoever. I'm just saying. Older people are still attractive.

Baby It's Cold Outside

Or, any excuse to wear hijab will do!

I know I gave up covering because I can't be certain why I was doing it. Because I have poor body image or because God wants me to? Until I can answer that for sure I can't go back to covering full time. But I still love hijab, I really, really do. I love the way it looks. On other people, honestly. But then again I rarely like the way I look in anything. Though I did love the way I looked in niqab. You couldn't see me! *sigh* Issues, I know.

But I do miss my scarves. And now that it's in the 30s here at night and in the morning? Hijabi me!

Islam/Muslim Spotting - 3 random things from last week

It's weird. I was with my trainer on Wednesday and she was commenting on how much nicer I looked in clothes that fit and weren't...and I supplied the word 'tents'. We giggled, and then I was telling her about my abaya which I use as a robe and how it really is kind of a tent and I have no shape at all in it. So of course she wanted to know why I had a robe like that, which led to the explanation of what an abaya is, etc. And then she was telling me how bad she felt for 'those women' and how oppressed they are. *headdesk*

In between sweating and grunting as I lifted weights, etc. I tried to explain that not all Muslim women are oppressed any more than all Western women are 'free'. Men can be assholes no matter what part of the world they live in, and societal oppression comes in many forms. But her entire impression of Muslims comes from the media (which just *loves* them, don't you know!) and her one daughter's room mate who is dating a 'Muslim' man. I say 'Muslim' in quotes because though he claims to be Muslim, his actions prove otherwise. He's apparently terribly nasty to her, bordering on abusive, and from what's been described to be he's a Muslim in name only. So that was fun, I spent 45 minutes off and on explaining Islam (to the best of my ability) and defending Muslims as they are not all douchebags anymore than any other religious group. No group is a monolith, okay? There are good and bad people contained under any 'label'.

And on another note:

I watch NCIS:LA. Look, I like Chris O'Donnell, okay? I've forgiven him for the horror that was the Schumacher Batman movies and their psychedelic mess, and I still like him. Got it? Anyway. This last episode involved a Muslim man who was under suspicion for murder. Two of the investigators go to his house to try and find a murder weapon and *whoop* all of a sudden his wife comes from a back room. First, do these people not check the house for occupants before they start poking through drawers? If she'd been a bad guy she could have killed them or escaped or something. Dummies. But that's not the point. When she came out she was wearing hijab. The worlds *weirdest* hijab - she honestly looked more like a nun than anything else. It was all black and white - a white dress shirt with like a black over shirt, and the head scarf wasn't wrapped around her front but was left to hang loose flaring over her shoulders, etc. so it left her throat bare. Odd. But whatever.

The thing that bugged me was the female investigator called one of her team mates who was questioning the husband and informed him that the man was definitely 'devout' and some other words I don't recall, because he had a Qur'an, prayer rugs, and his wife wore hijab. The last one about made me spit out my drink, actually. *He* is devout because *she* wears hijab. I mean, I get that there are some men out there who force (through insistence or whatever, not necessarily abuse or anything) their wives to wear hijab and it's my understanding that they're in the wrong according to Islam. But she just assumed and implied by her words that the wife was merely an extension of the husbands religion and will. That's a very large assumption to make. Having *just* run into the women, *jump* 'she's only wearing it because he wants her to.' No proof, no nothing. Assumption. I found that very irritating.

And, my third random thing: I was at Wal-Mart early in the week picking up some stuff with my mother and we were in the automotive section to pick up the car (we'd left it to get an oil change while we shopped.) And in walks this lovely older woman in a bright red hijab/abaya (it wasn't actually an abaya but I don't know what to call it. It was obviously on over her clothes, like an abaya but it only covered down to her knees - kind of like a large khimar, but she was also wearing a matching scarf for her head/chest, so it wasn't just a really big khimar but something else) set. It had some small pattern on it that I couldn't quite make out, but she was lovely and very happy looking! She was probably grandma age, so her 70s? But a very spry little lady - she was outpacing the younger man who was with her (I'm assuming he was either a younger son or maybe an older grandson). Very cute! (The grandma, not the guy.) And I found myself grinning like a loon at her. :) If she saw me she probably thought I was a little nuts, but whatever. The sight of hijabis in their 'natural habitat' still makes me irrationally happy.

Even My Subconscious Is Fashion Impaired

The actual content of the dream doesn't matter - it was just mundane, every day stuff. I either dream of boring real life things, or monsters and severed heads. My brain is odd.

However, for once I remembered what I was wearing in the dream, and it's actual clothes that I own!

I woke up and thought, 'hell, I was the niqabi Joker!' and had to pull everything out and put it together as proof that I cannot be trusted to shop alone:



In case you have a hard time telling, this is my brown jilbab paired with a purple scarf (in the dream I had it draping down sort of like in the picture), my black full-face niqab, and the green scarf as hijab.

The purple and green is, essentially, the Joker's color scheme.



Seriously. Why can't my subconscious have better taste?

Random Headcovering Thoughts

I don't really talk all that much about covering, I've realized.

Some people talk about it on their blogs all the time, which is great, but I don't. And I think it's because it's become simply a part of my life at this point. I've 'adapted'. Sure, I go through patches where I want to cover more, or less, or something like that, but I can't imagine *not* covering. (I've actually had nightmares akin to the realizing you're naked kind of nightmares where I'm out in public and realize I'm not wearing a scarf. That level of, 'Aaahhhhhhhh!')

It'll be two years in July since I first started covering with my little snoods. :) Most people in my life don't know that I cover for religious reasons - they think that I just 'like them'. An odd fashion statement, if you will. :) I visited someone that I used to work with, she left before I started covering, and I've seen her since then, but she's never asked before, about the scarves. So, this time, she asked. Now, I *know* that she's a very religious person. So I told her that I wore the scarves because I believe it's something that God told me to do. But, the getting out of my mouth of that simple sentence is SO HARD! And I don't know why.

Maybe because I find that I can't point to this, that and the other thing and say, see. Because yes, I have the Bible where St. Paul instructs that women should cover their hair. And we have the witness of the ancient church (and not so ancient). All well and good. But, for me, at least, that's not even really the main reason why. I wear it because it's something that I felt *compelled* to do. I found all the 'back up' for it *after* I started feeling this urge to cover. (It's a good thing, too, because hijab (and by extension Islam) was insanely attractive to me before I found out that I could cover as a Christian.) It's just something that I feel I*have* to do.

Just me, no one else. I mean, yeah, I love that there are other women who cover. I think it'd be wonderful if there were more! (After all, I've only ever seen two other women in my community who cover, and both were hijabis. And I feel kind of creepy and stalkerish just running up to random hijabi's and glomping them in headcovering joy.) But I can't go around lecturing women on why *they* should cover because for me, I feel like it's different. It's totally a *me* issue.

The 'scarf' has helped me in so many ways. My temper has...let's go with 'improved', but it's really more that, I still lose my temper. I rant and rave and snap at people for no good reason at all sometimes. But, I *know*, afterward, that I've done wrong. And I actually make myself go and apologize. Which is not something I would have ever done even a year ago.

Of course, there's a problem, too, in that I think I sort of use it to hide. When I'm feeling threatened or vulnerable are the times when I want to go 'full hijab' and *hide* in it. (I used to use my long hair the same way. Like a shield between me and the rest of the world.) Which is not a good thing since I have 'social anxiety issues' in the first place. We had an almost incident where my step-father *spit* was trying to contact my mother for who the hell knows what insane reason, and I wanted to whip out my niqab and use that when I had to go out in public. 'Just in case' he was there, so he wouldn't see me. Because I hate him, but there's also a part of me that's still afraid of him. And I think it's the fear that fuels the hate, really, but I don't see that going away until he's six feet under and I can dance on his grave. *Is aware this is un-Christian and doesn't care.*

Anyway. So, I think that I don't talk about it for two reasons: 1) as far as I'm concerned, it's a part of my clothing. I wouldn't leave home without it. 2) I'm uncomfortable 'teaching' about it because I can't say, 'ALL women should wear it'. I think it's a *personal* devotion that you have to have in your heart.

Welp. That was rambly.

Kinder & Various Other Things

Kids: We had a small class yesterday, 8 kids. It worked out well - we did the Gospel, which was the Baptism of Jesus from Luke. Debbie had also found a worksheet for them to do with the Beatitudes, so we did those, which the kids like. Funny thing, the New Testament books that we usually use for the class (bigger print and 'smaller' words), were a different translation than the worksheet, so the kids were having trouble figuring the questions out. So I pulled out the full Bible's we have in the class, and they were the same translation, so we used those. The kids were funny, asking who 'Genius' was...they meant Genesis, but couldn't say it quite right. They've heard us say it, but I don't think they'd ever seen it written out before. We did four or five 'words' and that was about it. Busy busy.

Mini Me (Deb's daughter, who shares my name) had a scarf on because of the cold. Of course, she sees me with a scarf on my head all the time, and when we were in the class, before classes start and she had to go to hers, wrapped hers around her head and tied it under the chin. I laughed and told her she looked like a little babushka now. Then I showed her how I do mine for the cold, without tying it, which is just to wrap it around and throw the ends over each other. So, at the end of the day (10:30 am...), when we were leaving, she and her family were going across the property to church, and I was leaving, and she had me help her wrap her scarf so her ears would stay warm. :)

Speaking of cold...our pipes froze last night. Or, well, the water froze. We're on well water, and we covered the well, and kept water running during the night, but it just got too cold. I've had *ice* on my car and in the pond. My abaya makes a great housecoat, and I've been wearing it as an extra layer outside to keep warm. You should see me walking the dogs. I've got regular clothes on, so, pants or skirt & top, socks, abaya, shayla scarf (very early in the morning, the past two mornings, I've worn it niqab style, to boot), winter jacket, and gloves. I may look funny, but I'm *warm*! Oh! And we're having a 'snow day' at the schools down here. FPL is doing load control, and so they've shut down the schools in our county because they won't be able to run the heat.

Hmmm...My first weigh in (well, second, but the first doesn't really count since it was just a 'let's see what we've got to work with kind of thing) is tonight. I'm praying I lost at least the two pounds. I'm just afraid I'll go there, and have done all this stuff, and been eating right, and not have lost any weight!

Next Sunday we're 'off' school, so I'm going to the Greek Orthodox church: Holy Trinity Greek Orthodox Church.

And...that's about it. The Holmes movie has made me break out my copies of The Canon so I'm reading those at the moment. So much love.

Book: The Face Behind the Veil

My latest non-fiction read has been The Face Behind the Veil by Donna Gehrke-White. It's a collection of 2 - 6 page stories of American Muslim women. There's a total of 50 stories, and I think that the author did an excellent job of getting a fairly broad cross-section of women. She breaks the book up into five sections, The New Traditionalists, The Blenders, The Converts, The Persecuted, and The Changers.





In the first section, The New Traditionalists, the women are usually second-generation Muslims in America, people whose families immigrated. Many times, they're the first women in their families to wear hijab. One of the women tells the story of how the murder of her uncle (he was a cab driver and the crime was unrelated to religion) prompted her to take the 'plunge' as it were to wear her hijab. It was something she had wanted to do for a while, but the painful hammering home of the fact that life could end at any moment gave her the strength to go ahead.





In The Blenders, the women are those who do not wear any form of hijab, for one reason or another. Most don't believe that it is required. They say that the veil was only for the wives of Mohammed, and so long as they dress modestly, the don't believe in the hijab (in the sense of head covering). A few don't wear it because they are afraid of how they will be treated, of harassment and loosing their jobs.





In The Converts, there are, of course, the stories of American women who choose Islam for one reason or another. Two of them, one a black woman, and one of Asian descent, became attracted to Islam because they saw it as inclusive, and anti-racist.





The Persecuted, of course, are the stories of women who have had to flee their homelands and seek refuge in America. Most from political strife, but one or two from abusive husbands. The one I remember best (or worst), is a woman with three children who fled Afghanistan (under the Taliban) after her husband was shot in the store he ran in town. Other townspeople dragged his body home. There was no reason, no explanation. She still, years later, has no idea why her husband was murdered. Or the Afghan woman whose husband and oldest son were 'arrested' for unknown reasons. She fled the country with her remaining children, making it, eventually, to the US, where she has forged a life for them and is (thankfully) awaiting her husband and son to join her. For some reason, why, she doesn't know, they lived.





The Changers are women who are working to change (duh) the way Muslim women are treated, within their own faith. They all agree that the problems are cultural - that the degradation and abuse of women is not a part of Islam, but something that has become so entrenched, that many people wrongly treat it as though it is. They're working to change the conditions of the women's sections of mosques. Some of them have prayed side by side with Muslim men, some work as judges, social workers, politicians. They're working to prove that their hijab, their faith, doesn't keep them from doing what they want.





So. The stories range from heart rending (I'm thinking of a women whose husband gained custody of their children, after abusing her and them, and has taken them to Egypt. An American judge thought he was 'better suited' to care for them.) to happy and uplifting. I think the authors point, her idea, was to show that they're 'just like us'. Their lives are neither wholly horrific or shiny and perfect. They have their ups, their downs, trials and joys. But in the end, they're just women of faith, struggling through the world.





Just like us.

No More Hijab For Me

So, I'm just going to act and talk like me attending the Orthodox church next weekend is a done thing, and convince myself that way.

In a related theme, as Anna and Alana pointed out, it's a Serbian church. There's an extremely unpleasant (to say the least) history there with Muslims.

I'd already decided that I'd wear a small scarf (tiechel) or a snood. More low key, y'know? Not because I'd thought about the history, but because I didn't want to stand out more than I already would. But they have an *excellent* point, about being sensitive to the cultural background there. And I get the impression from their site that many of the people are actual immigrants from Serbia, so it's not history to them, see?

And here's the thing. I'm thinking positive. Thinking, I'll actually *talk* to people, not just slip in and out. Meet people. That sort of thing. And...do I want to run in to a 'new friend' in another setting, wearing hijab? And upset them?

Nope.

So, I'm backing totally off the full hijab thing. I mean, I still like the look, but...I think the benefits of *not* wearing it, for me, may outweigh the benefits of wearing it. Still gonna be me, modest, head covering, and a little dorky, but no more hijab. It was confusing people who knew I was Catholic anyway... :)

Hijab, Cars, and Class - What Do These Things Have In Common?

So, I was thinking. Shush. Don't act so shocked.

I have a passing familiarity with this thing you people call a 'speed limit'. It's not that I'm a bad driver, certainly, I was taught to drive by my grandfather, who was a cop and worked with the FBI. I'm a *good* driver. I've been in one accident, and they hit me while I was sitting still. However, I do tend to drive at, what has been called, 'ludicrous speed' as opposed to 'light speed' ($20 of imaginary money if you get the movie reference).

When I moved, I had to start taking a different way to work, and this involved a windy road. I slowed down. I was scared, a little. I could feel the car shifting under me, and was convinced that I was going to flip if I went even a little over the limit. That was...two years ago? I speed on it now. (Note: I'm not encouraging speeding. I know I shouldn't, and I try to not go as fast as I used to, but it's *hard*.) I'm not scared anymore. It was new, I had to adjust. And I did.

Same thing with hijab. I was nervous, I was twitchy, I talked myself out of it a couple times. A little less than a month later, I'm not nervous.

I'm actually sitting at work, in my hijab.

I'm still not full time. I wear it when I feel the need, and cover in other ways other times.

People've been *friendlier*, which is weird. And work people just joke. They all agree it looks lovely. (Of course, my one friend insists that I need to walk ten paces behind him now, but he's kidding, really.)

Now, this Sunday is my first day teaching the class without Deb. I usually let her lead since she has much more experience with kids, but she has to attend a meeting for her kids who are in pre-Confirmation classes. So it's me and a 'temp' who works in the front office. I'm nervous. I'm afraid she's going to think I don't know what I'm doing.

Soo....that's where I'm at.

Sitting at work in hijab, worrying about teaching class. *sigh*

Niqaab Pictures

Okay, I cheat a little on the underscarf front. I haven't found a bunch that aren't too 'blingy' for me. And, seeing as how my scarves are all opaque anyway, I find that these wind stretchy headbands work just as well. Put them on just over your ears and forehead, and they give the look of an underscarf. I haven't had any problem with the headscarves sliding off my hair even without the full underscarf.




THE creepiest looking picture I have ever taken of myself. That's my new flip niqaab with all three veils down. You can, believe it or not, still see.




Flip niqaab with the top two layers flipped. Much better. Less ring wraith. The funky wings on the side are partially because of the shayla wrap. I'm pretty sure that's mostly a matter of practice.



See, here's what I was talking about with the headbands. No underscarf, but you can't tell, can you? A little overhang on the top of the head there, which I like, but it tends to block my peripheral vision if I keep the scarf like that.



Tucked down on the sides now. I *also* like the little folds at the top of the head when you do it that way.



Candice, if you read this, this is what I was talking about. *points up* No underscarf, and no giant forehead of doom. This may or may not work with glasses. I can't find mine to test it out.



And just for grins, shayla.

Feast Day of St. Michael, St. Gabriel, and St. Raphael - and other things

St. Raphael, of the glorious seven who stand before the throne of Him who lives and reigns, Angel of health, the Lord has filled your hand with balm from heaven to soothe or cure our pains. Heal or cure the victim of disease. And guide our steps when doubtful of our ways.

Today is my Saints Feast Day. (Not sure if that should all be capitalized, but I did it anyway...) Of course he shares it with St. Michael and St. Gabriel, but that's pretty good company, no? :)

Are you supposed to do something special on your Saints day? I'm not really sure. It seems like you should...

On another note, I *really* like dates. The fruit. I tried one for the first time yesterday, and it didn't really taste like anything, but then I had another, and they grew on me. I think they sort of taste like giant, sweet raisins.

I spent half an hour last night fighting with myself over whether or not to get this niqaab from HijabGirl. On the one hand, I'm not a niqaabi and have no intention to be a niqaabi (unless, of course, I do get to go to Saudi Arabia some day. That's one place I want to go badly enough I'd get on an airplane (I'm afraid of heights). Or I meet a bunch of niqaabis and want to hang out with them in their 'native element'.) On the other hand...flip niqaab for $10. And then I'd be prepared should I suddenly find myself in KSA or UAE (yes, I know the unlikelyhood of either of those things happening to the point I'd need an 'emergency' niqaab). I haven't bought it.

On the 'secret hijabi' front, this morning commute went well. I took it off at work, because..um...I think I'm going to have to ease work into that one. Lesson learned this morning: flip the ends of the khimar over the seatbelt. That way when I need to turn to see, belt is not pulling against khimar.

Part Time Hijabi

So, I was feeling a little...I don't know...I wanted to be *anonymous* today, toward the end of the day. It wasn't a bad day or anything, I just...

*shrug*

So I got in my car and a rearranged my khimar so that I was wearing it right, instead of pinned behind my neck. And voila! Instant anonymousness. I was hijabi (totally covered- long skirt, sweater that had long sleeves, plus khimar)...so...y'know...third times the charm - this hijabi outing went well.

Am now 'secret hijabi'.

I intend to wear it as often as I can get away with it.

Reason #1 to Wear Hijab That People Don't Tell You:

Mosquito Proofing!


I can walk my dogs and not get eaten!



This is what I wore tonight, and I am completely unscathed!


Even bug repellent lets some of them through, and then I smell of bug repellent.