Getting Healthy = Podvig?

Right, so, first, I can hear you asking, 'What's a 'podvig'?' Well, it's a Russian term that has no direct translation into English. The most common definition I've come across is, simply, 'spiritual struggle' - a means of drawing nearer to Christ as we travel on the path to salvation.

As Anna put it in a recent video, podvig is 'understood as the ascetic struggle. As a path that you take that is almost unique to you. I mean there are certain things that people have done over the ages that are similar but every person- Okay, let's put it like this. Since we view sin, in the Orthodox Church like a terminal illness. Not terminal illness, but an illness, and that one needs Grace to over come it. The means of getting to that Grace is your podvig. It's- It's the specific medication that you need to get better. To overcome sin. So not everyone needs the same medication. The same way of handling their sinful temptations.' (I've transcribed this as best I can.)

So, we all know that I have a weight problem. Yes, I do have a thyroid disorder, but that's not why I weigh too much, or at least it's not the whole, or even *main* issue. The fact of the matter is I love to eat. I eat too much, of things that aren't good for me. I indulge. I *loll* in it. It's not even sugar or candy or things like that. Meat, potatoes, gourmet meals. Mmmm....Food. I love *food*. I love the taste of it, the feel of it, the sensation. I love going out and eating, or staying in and cooking. I love to drink, pretty, sugary, 'girly' drinks, or doing shots to drink the boys under the table (that being said, I haven't had an alcoholic drink in months. My lack of 'portion control' with alcohol is more worrisome to me, so I've stopped all together. Though to be honest, I've 'stopped' before, and slipped back, but never to the degree I did prior to stopping, so it's kind of gone in stages. But I can go out to dinner now and *not* feel like I *have* to get an alcoholic drink. I still *want* to, but I *don't*.). Clearly, I'm a glutton. I mean that's just...that's just clear? Right?

I'm *not* saying that everyone who is overweight is like me, or is offending God, or something. I'm saying, for me, I've finally realized that my weight is because I indulge my every whim when it comes to food. I have trouble going, 'No, I don't need that food, I'm not hungry.' It's a personal issue, got it?

I've started with a personal trainer today. My parents got me, for Christmas, ten 45 minute sessions with her. Along with the exercise she'll be directing what I eat, and how much. I'm determined to *obey* her, no matter how much I don't want to. And I'm thinking, I'm thinking, honestly, that this, this learning and obedience to her is a part of my path, a part of my podvig - to learn to stop giving my flesh whatever it wants, even when it's not good for me.

Numbers 6:5

All the days of his vow of purification no razor shall come upon his head; until the days are fulfilled for which he vowed to the Lord; he shall be holy. Then he shall let the locks of the hair of his head grow.

2009 Meme

I am a lemming. Susanne had this meme, and, well, *lemming*. I mentioned that, right?

1. What did you do in 2009 that you’d never done before?

Taught kinder. Went to an Orthodox church. Bought a brand spankin' new car.

2. Did you keep your new years’ resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

No and no.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

Not *yet*. Though I do know a couple people who're pregnant.

4. Did anyone close to you die?

Yes. My dog Buddy. Humans? No, thank God.

5. What countries did you visit?

Canadia. It's an imaginary place, where gumdrops rain from the sky. :)

6. What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009?

One million dollars! *is smacked* Hmmm...fitness. I'd like to have 2010 be the year that I got control over my body. Also a boyfriend. ;)

7. What date from 2009 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

Date? Specific date? Like I'll always know *exactly* the date this event happened? None. My brain doesn't work that way. I'll remember the event, but not the date. So, event wise, Buddy dying, buying Myrddin, and my visit to the Serbian church.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Going to the Serbian church and not passing out/vomiting from panic.

Also, not beating the crap out of people who annoy me. (There's a *lot* of them!)

9. What was your biggest failure?

*Wanting* to beat the crap out of people who annoy me. I need to move beyond that level. The problem is not *necessarily* with the other people, but rather with me and my ability to accept them and move on.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

Had a cold or two. 'Biggest' injury was the stick in the foot incident, which led to the Genocide of the Shrubbery.

11. What was the best thing you bought?

Myrddin!

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?

Dad. For reasons that I cannot go into on the blog.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

My sister. Again, reasons that cannot be gone into.

14. Where did most of your money go?

Probably books.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

Star Trek. Holmes. Iron Man 2 (which is not out yet, but that doesn't lessen my excitement, okay?)

16. What song(s) will always remind you of 2009?

"Poker Face"

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:

i. Happier or sadder?

ii. Happier

iii. Thinner or fatter?

iv. Fatter.

v. richer or poorer?

vi. Same.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?

Everything.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?

Work. *gives work the stink eye*

20. How will you be spending Christmas?

I spent it the same way I do every year. Sniping insults back and forth with my Grandmother.

21. How many one-night stands?

Oh, half a dozen or so.

22. What was your favorite TV program?

Do I have to pick *one*? If I can only have one, Supernatural.

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?

Nope. I only, really, truly hate one person, and I've hated them for *years*.

24. What was the best book you read?

Hah. What? Umm...Good Omens. But I read that book at least once a year, because of it's awesomeness. If we're going to go with nonfiction, I'd have to say my favorite was Bread & Water, Wine & Oil.

25. What was your greatest musical discovery?

'When I Ruled the World' - Coldplay

26. What did you want and get?

Books. More books. Also, Sanctuary Season 1 on dvd. And the complete Rome series.

27. What was your favorite film of this year?

Star Trek.

28. What did you do on your birthday?

Went out with my best friend. We share the same birthday (I'm older by a couple of hours.)

29. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2009?

demi-Muslim, but leaning back away from that now.

30. What kept you sane?

My sense of humor.

31. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

Robert Downey, Jr.

32. What political issue stirred you the most?

Homosexual marriage.

33. Who did you miss?

Nobody. No one's left me...

34. Who was the best new person you met?

LK, Heather, Achelois, Sarah (Wrestling), Anna, Alana, Sanil, Ahavah, Stacy, Michelle, Athena, M, Susanne...(though I'm not sure you count, since I'm pretty sure we met each other in 2008, but I include you anyway!)

35. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2009:

I don't know everything, I'm not always right, and I don't need to be either of those things.

I'm not tagging, but if you want to, feel free. :)

22 Years (And Still a Pain...)

Today is Baby Sis' 22nd birthday.



She's the annoying blonde pumpkin in the picture. :)

Matthew 19: 10

Susanne, I blame you. I was just goofing around, and then a post of yours made me *think*.

Stop that!

Right, so...

I was looking up the passage I remembered about men being 'eunuchs' for God, and I try to remember to pull up the entire passage, not just the one verse, to get the context for what's being said. So, I pulled up Matthew 19:1-12 :

1When Jesus had finished these words, He departed from Galilee and came into the region of Judea beyond the Jordan; 2 and large crowds followed Him, and He healed them there. 3 Some Pharisees came to Jesus, testing Him and asking, "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any reason at all?" 4 And He answered and said, "Have you not read that He who created them from the beginning MADE THEM MALE AND FEMALE, 5 and said, 'FOR THIS REASON A MAN SHALL LEAVE HIS FATHER AND MOTHER AND BE JOINED TO HIS WIFE, AND THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH'? 6 "So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate." 7 They said to Him, "Why then did Moses command to GIVE HER A CERTIFICATE OF DIVORCE AND SEND her AWAY?" 8 He said to them, "Because of your hardness of heart Moses permitted you to divorce your wives; but from the beginning it has not been this way. 9 "And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery." 10 The disciples said to Him, "If the relationship of the man with his wife is like this, it is better not to marry." 11 But He said to them, "Not all men can accept this statement, but only those to whom it has been given. 12 "For there are eunuchs who were born that way from their mother's womb; and there are eunuchs who were made eunuchs by men; and there are also eunuchs who made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. He who is able to accept this, let him accept it."

I bolded the relevant passage to my thought. So, I'd long thought that this verse was saying, 'If this is the way marriage works, it's better to *not* get married.' Buncha bachelors, saying, 'see! women are *trouble*!' Or the ancient equivalent thereof.

However, the thought occurred to me: What if, what if what they're saying is, if you're in a marriage LIKE THAT, that it'd have been better to never marry at all? Or, if a man divorces his wife because...oh...she's a redhead and he prefers blondes...that it's better to not remarry, as opposed to committing adultery, which is what Jesus just told them would be what's happening.

Any thoughts? Am I the last one to notice this, again? (Cause it's totally happened before...) Or am I reading the 'wrong' tone into the disciples?

That's happened before, too. For instance, when this hadith was pointed out, (for some argument I don't even recall at this point, or even what I was *supposed* to get out of this hadith being brought up) my thought was, 'Even Aisha thinks Allah's revelations to Mohammed are suspiciously timed. She's being *sarcastic* about it, and no one noticed...' but I was told I was reading too much of what *I'd* be doing, and not the 'real' reasoning. Which, again, I've forgotten what I was told that was...

Bukhari - Volume 6, Book 60, Number 311:
Narrated Aisha:
I used to look down upon those ladies who had given themselves to Allah's Apostle and I used to say, "Can a lady give herself (to a man)?" But when Allah revealed: "You (O Muhammad) can postpone (the turn of) whom you will of them (your wives), and you may receive any of them whom you will; and there is no blame on you if you invite one whose turn you have set aside (temporarily).' (33.51) I said (to the Prophet), "I feel that your Lord hastens in fulfilling your wishes and desires."

I'm Too Nice

So, ya'll're gonna get a run down of my day. Be patient, it has bearing.

I'm house/zoo sitting at a friends, which happens to be about 5 minutes away from my work. For those of you playing the home game, I do legal advertising (I run all those notices required by law - foreclosures, divorces, etc.) for a newspaper. We have to keep our records for three years. A year of legal notices is a *lot* of paperwork, by the way. But, we don't typically every actually need to look anything up past the last couple of months. Still, keep the stuff we must. So it gets boxed up and stored in the Closet Under the Stairs which is the place where stuff we have to keep, but rarely need to get to lives. Thus, at the end of every year, we have to haul the oldest boxes out, mark them 'Recycle' (because placing them next to the giant blue recycle bin isn't clue enough for the cleaning crew) and put the latest year in. It's a lot of shifting, in a small, cramped space. (My job is *such* fun!) See, the Closet Under the Stairs, by necessity, follows the *shape* of the stairs, so it starts out tall and gets short. (We actually had one lady knock herself out in there years ago, she forgot the ceiling was so low, stood up, and *wham*. She was okay though.) So. This is nothing I want to do during the work week, when I'm dressed nicely for my lovely desk job. :)

My friend goes away every year, for Christmas. Her kids and grand kids all live out of state. So this is the great 'Tour'. Since I'm here, every year, every year, I go in one day on the weekend and do all the shifting. So now, all we have to do is pack up the last box from the last week of December and put that away. *Much* easier. So that's what I did today. I was in there about six, and said 'hi' to H2, who is part of the weekend customer service crew. She looked ill, so we chatted a few minutes, and she said her stomach had been upset since yesterday. I made sympathetic noises, and told her where I'd be if she needed me (the Closet Under the Stairs is around a corner in our big, open office, so I could hear her if she called, but we couldn't see each other) and went about my business. A little later, MK, the other half of the weekend crew showed up, we said 'hi' on her way to the time clock, and I proceeded to shift heavy things around in a small space. (Fun!)

It took me a little less than an hour, I went and clocked out (I clocked in just in case I hurt myself. HR'd *kill* me if I was working and not clocked in and happened to trip or something. Kill.), then I decided to take a minute and clean up the Drawer of Sharpies. (I like Sharpies. I need a whole drawer in my desk for my collection. There's nothing wrong with that. But it needed cleaned, since I'd been tossing other stuff in there all year.)

I sat down, and MK asked me how long I could stay, because H2 had apparently had to run to the bathroom 12 times in the 45 minutes since I'd seen her, and MK wanted to send her home. I made more sympathetic noises and said that, assuming Boss okay'd it (overtime...) I could stay H2's whole shift. H2 called Boss & got the okay, so I clocked back in, logged into my computer and was there until noon. (I also did more of my work in the mean time, I need to get ahead for New Years, and my 'in pile' is about four inches high at this point...) H2 still had to come back, because she also does the obits on the weekends, but that takes a lot less time, and she got to go home and lay down. When H2 got back, she still looked off, so I told her that I was still going to be in town tomorrow, and, assuming Boss said it was okay, if she was still feeling sick tomorrow, I'd come in and work her shift again.

I left at noon to run over to *another* friends house. She lives just down the road, and had a snake problem. *sigh* So, about two weeks ago, she calls me to tell me about the pygmy rattler that she'd found in her living room. She'd sprayed it in the face with roach spray and dropped a pot over it. Then piled bricks and cement pieces on the pot so it couldn't escape. I wanted her to call animal control, but some idiot at her job told her that animal control would get her for animal cruelty for the roach spray (I wouldn't have *told* them about it if that was really a concern, which *I* don't think it was...), so she refused. Her plan was to leave the snake under the pot in the middle of her living room until next winter. *headdesk* So....I told her Thursday that I would be showing up today and we would get the snake out of her house. I went over, we cleared the throw rug that it was sitting on of all other things (chairs, etc, etc) and dragged it out of the house, still under the pot, with a brick sitting on it. Just in case.

We got it outside, got a shovel (I had the shovel. She went for more roach spray...) and flipped the rug, gently, so that the pot and the snake tumbled down her front steps. That way, should he still be alive (so very unlikely I can't even describe it...) he'd be down there, she could spray him *again*, and I could cut his head off. Snake fell out, very, very, very dead. I cut his head off, to make her feel better, and we threw away the evidence corpse.

In the mean time, H2 had called my cell and said that Boss said it was okay, if she was still sick tomorrow, for me to cover. So H2's supposed to call me later tonight, or tomorrow morning, early, if I need to go in.

So...I may or may not be going to the Orthodox church tomorrow. I *want* to go, so I'm praying that H2 feels better, but I couldn't *not* volunteer. Most of the time I'm too far away to come in to cover, so H1 gets called in, which is great, because she has two kids and needs the extra money, but she and her fiancee have *his* son over this Christmas, which they never get, and if I can, I'd like to let them have the whole weekend to just be together. So. I'm going to go to the 5pm Mass, just in case.

And look, I feel bad for H2 if she's really sick, but there's a pattern here. She *knew* I was going to be in today, because I said I'd see her Saturday when I saw her on Tuesday. And somehow, magically, whenever she *knows* that someone is going to be in the office for some reason on a weekend that can do customer service, she *somehow* just *happens* to get 'sick'. God forbid, she really is sick this time, and I'm suspicious of her, but I can't help it. You can only cry wolf so many times, people. So I'm fairly certain she'll be calling me to go in, because that gives her most of the weekend off. *sigh* But then, I couldn't *not* volunteer, because again, H1's family needs time together, and H2 could really be sick. So.

I'll let ya'll know tomorrow, of course. And even if I don't make it tomorrow, my next 'day off' from class I will definitely be attending. I *want* to go, but I also can't not try and be helpful for H1, who I like.

Isn't there some quote about giving people the benefit of the doubt? Offering help even when you suspect you're being take advantage of? I suspect there is, but I can't think of it.

Merry Christmas!

The Nativity of the Lord
Midnight Mass

Reading 1

Is 9:1-6

The people who walked in darkness
have seen a great light;
upon those who dwelt in the land of gloom
a light has shone.
You have brought them abundant joy
and great rejoicing,
as they rejoice before you as at the harvest,
as people make merry when dividing spoils.
For the yoke that burdened them,
the pole on their shoulder,
and the rod of their taskmaster
you have smashed, as on the day of Midian.
For every boot that tramped in battle,
every cloak rolled in blood,
will be burned as fuel for flames.
For a child is born to us, a son is given us;
upon his shoulder dominion rests.
They name him Wonder-Counselor, God-Hero,
Father-Forever, Prince of Peace.
His dominion is vast
and forever peaceful,
from David’s throne, and over his kingdom,
which he confirms and sustains
by judgment and justice,
both now and forever. The zeal of the LORD of hosts will do this!

Responsorial Psalm

Ps 96: 1-2, 2-3, 11-12, 13

(Lk 2:11) Today is born our Savior, Christ the Lord.
Sing to the LORD a new song;
sing to the LORD, all you lands.
Sing to the LORD; bless his name.
Today is born our Savior, Christ the Lord.
Announce his salvation, day after day.
Tell his glory among the nations;
among all peoples, his wondrous deeds.
Today is born our Savior, Christ the Lord.
Let the heavens be glad and the earth rejoice;
let the sea and what fills it resound;
let the plains be joyful and all that is in them!
Then shall all the trees of the forest exult.
Today is born our Savior, Christ the Lord.
They shall exult before the LORD, for he comes;
for he comes to rule the earth.
He shall rule the world with justice
and the peoples with his constancy. Today is born our Savior, Christ the Lord.

Reading II

Ti 2: 11-14

Beloved:
The grace of God has appeared, saving all
and training us to reject godless ways and worldly desires
and to live temperately, justly, and devoutly in this age,
as we await the blessed hope,
the appearance of the glory of our great God
and savior Jesus Christ,
who gave himself for us to deliver us from all lawlessness
and to cleanse for himself a people as his own, eager to do what is good.

Gospel

Lk 2: 1-14

In those days a decree went out from Caesar Augustus
that the whole world should be enrolled.
This was the first enrollment,
when Quirinius was governor of Syria.
So all went to be enrolled, each to his own town.
And Joseph too went up from Galilee from the town of Nazareth
to Judea, to the city of David that is called Bethlehem,
because he was of the house and family of David,
to be enrolled with Mary, his betrothed, who was with child.
While they were there,
the time came for her to have her child,
and she gave birth to her firstborn son.
She wrapped him in swaddling clothes and laid him in a manger,
because there was no room for them in the inn.

Now there were shepherds in that region living in the fields
and keeping the night watch over their flock.
The angel of the Lord appeared to them
and the glory of the Lord shone around them,
and they were struck with great fear.
The angel said to them,
“Do not be afraid;
for behold, I proclaim to you good news of great joy
that will be for all the people.
For today in the city of David
a savior has been born for you who is Christ and Lord.
And this will be a sign for you:
you will find an infant wrapped in swaddling clothes
and lying in a manger.”
And suddenly there was a multitude of the heavenly host with the angel,
praising God and saying:
“Glory to God in the highest

and on earth peace to those on whom his favor rests.”