Wednesday, December 19, 2012

Reason # 356 I'm not in a relationship

I don't put up with shit from men. Which is my personal primary source of relationship material - the male population (though I often wonder why).

Actual quote from a 'fiancee' (there's no ring, no promise, they're 'engaged to be engaged' since *forever*) to coworker: "I won't get you pregnant until you make $30 an hour."

My response: "I'd stab him in the face." (No, I'm not violent, no, why do you say that?)

(No, seriously, the entire first conversation I had with my best friends' now husband when I found out they were engaged ran like Liam Neeson's speech in Taken. "I will find you. I will end you.")

Here's where I sound like an old, old, old woman.

In the first place, why in the hell are they trying to get pregnant? Her job is only part-time, he 'works' as a pool player. Not professionally, not yet. He just makes money by...being a pool shark.

They're not married. I know, I know, old woman. BUT. I am perfectly, perfectly aware that marriage does not make people better or even decent parents. However I do think that people who want to be parents need to demonstrate some kind of commitment to one another and some maturity. These people do not. And it lies, greatly in my mind, in the way they treat the marriage thing. She runs around claiming that they're engaged and he doesn't. They're talking at two completely different levels and *that* is why in their case I harp on the marriage aspect.

She wants a baby, he does not. And he's clearly (trust me) using this desire to manipulate her. Babies are not solutions or BLEEEEEEEEEP-ing accessories. Having a child does not make your life 'perfect' or fix your relationship.

She cries all the time. ALL. THE. TIME. He is the cause of a great deal of it.

I've been party to an emotionally abusive relationship before. By which I mean I watched my mother and step-father go through this entire cycle. And I look at her and her 'fiancee' and that's all I see.

I want to print out one of those abusive relationship check sheets and leave it anonymously on her desk. :(


  1. I'm not the violent type, but I've always offered viable alibis.

    Except for that one time my friend and I played Thelma & Louise. (kinda...) He was much like your co-worker's SO(b) in that he was manipulative and emotionally abusive. He lived two towns over and she knew he kept "his" phone (she bought and paid for it and their phone plan) in his truck. We agreed to meet him at the bar (in the middle of the day) and then follow him to his mom's house (where he still lived) to hang out and watch movies. We stole the phone, drove out of town and straight to the phone provider (ignoring multiple calls on both phones from his "people") where my friend immediately changed the number and added her mom to the plan instead.
    Then we rented Thelma & Louise and ate pizza in the dorm lounge.

    After I saw her crying for all the wrong reasons on the eve of her wedding night (to some other guy), I told her if she ever needed such services again, she'd have them.

    I think it's at least as bad when women do this kind of crap to men, though.

    1. I'm one of those 'if you want something done right...' types. I don't trust my friends to not screw such an important moment up. ;)

      Okay, perfect story is perfect. :) Go you and your friend!

      I think it's at least as bad when women do this kind of crap to men, though.

      Absolutely. This is shitty, abusive behavior no matter who does it. I wouldn't put up with it from anyone.

  2. Wow red flags. RED FLAGS. And babies should not be brought into this kind of a situation thats just wrong.

    Though I agree with the marriage then baby thing. It just seems like the responsible thing to do.

    1. SO MANY RED FLAGS! But she won't listen. *sigh*

      Nope. No babies in situations like this. I think she thinks it will make them closer or solve some problem and that's just wrong and awful for the child who has to grow up in that situation.

      Marriage or committed relationship. The key is that there has to be some freaking maturity and demonstrated commitment in my mind before it's right to even think about a baby.

  3. How awful! And I agree a baby is not going to fix this messy relationship.

    1. I'm pretty sure the only thing that would fix this relationship is ending it. But that's something she has to be willing to do, and she's not yet.


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