Monday, September 15, 2008

RCIA Day 2

I have come to two issues from this class. We were just covering basic things, what is belief, and what, basically, do Catholics believe.

And I already have an issue: I don't like the word 'begotten'. I mean, I believe that Jesus was both God and man. I believe that there is only one God. But the term 'begotten', to me, implies that God sort of made Jesus. And I know that that's just a limit of human understanding and language. But still. I don't like the word.

Secondly, when we were praying the Lord's Prayer, at the end, Dec. G was saying that when we ask God to forgive us, as we forgive others, that this is telling us that we must have forgiveness in order to receive forgiveness. Okay, but here's the thing - what if I can't forgive someone? I've tried. This is not a new concept to me, but I just cannot forgive him. And I know that I'm sort of shooting myself in the foot, only hurting myself, but that doesn't make it any easier.

Two goals have come out of this - 1. Pray for more faith. we always need more faith. 2. Pray for the ability to forgive, even in the face of all the wrongs that he has done to me. All the hell he put me and my mother and my sister through. That second one is going to be the harder of the two. I've hated him for so long I'm not sure what will be left if I ever manage to forgive.

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