"In my opinion, the only good spider is a dead spider, and women's rights aren't worth dick if they mean I can't ask a man to do my bug squashing." - Stephanie Plum
So, Susanne asked if there were any good books in the 60 that I'd read since the beginning of the year. And there are, but I thought I'd start with one of my favorite series that I'm still in the middle of rereading.
It is, obviously, the Stephanie Plum series by Janet Evanovich. :)
The main portion of the series is currently 15 books long with the 16th book due out this year. However, there are 'Between-the-Numbers' books, four of them so far, so the entire universe is 19 books long (with book 20 coming out in June - also, there's supposed to be another Between book in the works, but I have no info. on it as of yet).
The books are (in order):
One for the Money
Two for the Dough
Three to Get Deadly
Four to Score
Visions of Sugar Plums
To the Nines
Ten Big Ones
Eleven on Top
Lean Mean Thirteen
Finger Lickin' Fifteen
Sizzling Sixteen (coming out in June)
Okay. So. What's so special about these books?
There are laugh out loud hilarious. I'm serious. I'm reading them on the treadmill in the gym, snickering, having people look at me funny out of the corner of their eyes. Just. Funny.
The set up is this:
Stephanie Plum is a lingerie buyer who was laid off in the corporate merger. She's run through all the want ads, and can't find a job. Her car's due to be repossessed. She and her pet hamster Rex may be homeless shortly, if something doesn't come up. Stephanie finally sucks it up and admits to her parents that she's jobless. Her mother suggests that she check at her cousin Vinnie's place - he was advertising for a filing position. Or, she could see about getting a job at the button factory or the 'personal products' packaging plant.
Of course, by the time Stephanie gets there, cousin Vinnie has filled the filing position. But Stephanie's desperate. She blackmails Vinnie (Vinnie has some...less than savory habits. One of them involved a duck. No one ever explains more than that, for which we are all thankful. And Vinnie happens to be married to Harry the Hammer's only daughter. Some secrets are best kept from his father in law. For Vinnie's own health.) into giving her a job, unfortunately, Vinnie runs a bail bonds place, and the only job he has for her is as a bond enforcement agent. Or, you know, bounty hunter.
The first book is Stephanie 'hunting' down an ex-boyfriend of hers, Joe Morrelli, who happens to be on the run. He's a cop accused of shooting someone off duty. Her bounty hunting mentor is Ranger, who may or may not secretly be Batman. (He totally is.) Stephanie, of course, gets in over her head rapidly. She's not really bounty hunter material. Ranger gets her a gun, which she promptly stores in her cookie jar.
The books are mystery/humour/romance. And they really just advertise themselves best, so I'm going to include some quotes. :)
- "Is that a bulletproof vest? See, now that's so insulting. That's like saying I'm not smart enough to shoot you in the head." - Eddie DeChooch
- "My professional aspirations were simple-I wanted to be an intergalactic princess."- Stephanie Plum
- "I make lots of mistakes. I try hard not to make the same mistake more than three or four times."- Stephanie Plum
- "Honey, a man can't keep his gun in a cookie jar. It just isn't done."- Joe Morelli
- "I attributed the incidence to temporary insanity, and in my own defense, I'd like to say I haven't run over anyone since."- Stephanie (she's talking about Joe. She kind of ran him over with a Buick after he took her virginity in high school, never called, and then wrote poems about it on a restaurant wall.)
- "Thinking very often resembles napping, but the intent is different." - Stephanie Plum
- "I ran three miles, staggered into the lobby, and took the elevator back to my apartment. No point to overdoing this exercise junk." - Stephanie Plum
- '"Babe," Ranger said. "You're looking a little strung out. Is there anything I should know?"
"I'm on a sugar withdrawal. I've given up desert and it's all I can think about." That had been true five minutes ago. Now that Ranger was standing in front of me I was thinking a cupcake wasn't what I actually needed.
"Maybe I can help you get your mind off doughnuts," Ranger said.
My mouth dropped open, and I think some drool might have dribbled out.'
- '"One of us should stop her," Ranger said to Morelli, his eyes fixed on me.
"Not going to be me," Morelli said. "Have you ever tried to stop her from doing something she wanted to do?"
"Haven't had much success at it," Ranger said.
Morelli rocked on his heels. "One thing I've learned about Stephanie over the years, she's not good at taking orders."
"Has authority issues," Ranger said.
"And if you piss her off, she'll get even. She ran me over with her father's Buick once and broke my leg."
That got a small smile out of Ranger.
"Nice to see you boys bounding," I said.'
- "'I see you looking at my cookies,' my father said to Morelli. 'Don't even think about it. Go get your own cookies.'"
- "I hate mornings. They start so early."- Stephanie Plum
- "'Has it ever occurred to you that you might be delusional?'
'That's what the psychiatrist said, but I think he's wrong. There's an evil flying pizza out there, and it's got Brenda's name on it.'"
- "Who's the best person you know. Of all the people you know personally, is there anyone who has a sense of right and wrong and lives by it? This was a sticky question because it would have to be Ranger ...but I suspected he occasionally killed people. Only bad people, of course, but still..." - Stephanie
- "I almost never shoot anyone." - Stephanie Plum
- "You think I'm gonna feel better eatin' a carrot? Get a grip. There's two idiots out there trying to kill me, and you think I'm gonna waste my last breath on a vegetable?" - Lula
- "I need to look like an idiot at least twice a day to keep myself humble. "- Stephanie
- "Last time you used my car, it got blown up! Remember that?" - Joe Morelli
- "'Stephanie,' Valerie said. 'She's going to have a baby, and she's getting married.'
My father was confused. He looked around the room. No Joe. No Ranger. His eyes locked on Diesel. 'Not the psycho,' he said.
Diesel blew out a sigh.
My father turned to my mother. 'Get me the carving knife. Make sure it's sharp.'"