Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Sex Ed

I know that this is a bizarre question coming from someone that neither has children nor is due to have any in the very near future. However, I've seen it pop up in quite a few places lately, and it's got me wondering.

I know that some people are very, very opposed to having Sex Ed taught in school. My understanding of the reasoning behind this breaks down to, basically, that the school program teaches kids how to have safe sex, as opposed to abstinence. And I think, if you feel that way, then as a parent you should be able to opt your child out of the class and teach them yourself, as opposed to doing away with the class entirely, which seems to be what some want done.

However, here's my issue. What about all the children whose parents will not teach their children anything about sex?

Let's use me as an example.

When I hit puberty, it was not discussed. I was handed a book with diagrams, and learned what the heck was going on myself. There was never any talking about it, or a parent explaining that it was natural. I had to read to know that I was not, actually, almost bleeding to death every month.

Somehow, and I'm thinking it had to do with me going to a private Christian school for middle/high school, I never took sex ed. If my parents weren't willing to discuss puberty, they *certainly* weren't going to give me 'the talk'. Do you know where I learned about sex? The internet. And a lot of porn. I'm not even kidding. I'm not going to go into the depth of my knowledge here, but...um. yeah. There's some stuff that *no one* ever should know, that I know. That I've known since a very young age. If I'd had sex ed, in a proper environment, I imagine that I wouldn't have had to go trawling through the vast morass that the web can be, and find things out myself.

So that's my thing. If you don't want sex ed taught in the schools, then how would you like kids to learn about sex? You can only deal with your own children. Remember that not every parent is going to teach their kids anything, at all. But the kids *are* going to find out.

12 comments:

  1. What a timely post!

    My children go to a Christian school - it is actually a community school but since it is British it is basically Christian in that Christianity is taught and children are expected to attend church services. My older two are part of the church choir and participate in festivals at the church from Harvest Festival (very British) to the Mothering Sunday event and Christmas.

    Thus, Sex Ed is also part of the school life. We were asked to give consent and I did. But before the class (which took place last week) I told my daughter about puberty (reproduction is covered next year). In a Muslim country, one would argue, there is no need to teach them about sex, but I would still like to follow the *curriculum* and have the school explain it.

    I could do the period bit, but sex is too difficult to explain. I can fill in the blanks later if required :)

    One thing I didn't like was that the school taught them how to use tampons and I didn't even want them to know about that choice at the moment. My daughter hasn't reached puberty yet so it was all too innocent and a still unknown territory.

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  2. Amber: Yeah they shouldn't remove it. Its scary because 12 and 13 year olds are having sex! I had sex ed in sixth grade and let me tell you when they told us how it worked we all vowed that we NEVER wanted to have sex LOL.

    I'd rather have my kids know how it works and know how to protect themselves than run a muck, let someone take advantage of them because they do not know what is going on, get pregnant, or get a disease. All because they have no education.

    Its not ok, in my opinion, to run around and have sex with whoever. But that doesn't mean they don't do it. So if they are, I'd at least want them to know how to protect themselves and to understand how it works and what it does to your body and emotions. And often, kids are not comfortable talking about this with parents, they'd rather hear it from a teacher.

    btw I was also handed a book and told :Here you go. Learn. Luckily, they covered the period in sex ed

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  3. there are books which are alot more accessible now and in language that a child could understand

    you can get them on amazon. I would definetely say that a daughter should be told before secondary school. so 10? As it can all be frightening. and isolating if you do not understand.

    if it is any help Amber, I am still waiting for my mum to explain this to me! I learnt everything from friends at school. NOT IDEAL!

    My friend said my God Daughter comes out with things and she is like "where did you hear that?" and she is like "Daisy told me at school". Seems that these children are exposed to some really graphic tv programmes now. to name 1 in the uk Holly oaks. This programme is seriously wrong and its aired at 5.30pm. she is 5!

    I am hoping the whole big brother tv, extreme we have to know everything- watch people in a house shut in and too much info- implodes on itself. and people turn to more family time and living a cleaner life. (with a side of sci fi tv and books!)

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  4. Sex ed is ESSENTIAL! It's not essential that it be taught in school though, and in fact it would be best if parents were able to take care of that, but for ones who are not able to discuss these delicate topics, it's important the children be made aware! They will learn either way!

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  5. I think it really should be taught but as a whole package covering relationships and the emotional side too. Apparently they do it that way in Holland - very liberal place, but the average age of first sex there is significantly older than in the UK where kids are basically just taught how to "do it" safely. This is one area where I think secular moral training is lacking and it shows. If they discussed different perspectives and ideas on what is appropriate in terms of sex and relationships, without having to be didactic, I think it would do a lot of good, and a lot of religious parents might even be happy with that coupled with further teaching at home.

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  6. I think most kids nowadays find out from their peers. Probably those with older siblings or those permitted to watch graphic things on TV.

    Interesting topic!

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  7. Suroor,

    I am occasionally the queen of accidental good timing. :) It's been being talked about a lot, so I think maybe it's that time of year for places that are teaching it? Permission slip time? I don't know, but I've been seeing it more than usual.

    'In a Muslim country, one would argue, there is no need to teach them about sex'

    That'd be the ideal, yes, in any country. That we wouldn't need to teach our children about how to have safe sex, because there would be no question that they'd only be having sex with their spouse. Unfortunately, the reality doesn't hold up, in any country that I've heard of. I tend to think of sex ed as an unfortunate necessity.

    I think, for many parents, the topic is so uncomfortable to try and discuss with your child, that they ignore it, which doesn't do anyone any good at all. :)

    Hmmm...yeah. The tampon is something I'd leave until later on. I mean, you certainly don't want a girl who's just starting her period to try and use one. It's not going to work.

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  8. LK,

    'when they told us how it worked we all vowed that we NEVER wanted to have sex LOL.'

    Heh. When I figured it out, yeah. I was like, 'NO WAY. *That* is never going to happen.' Fast forward a bit, and I changed my mind. :)

    'I'd rather have my kids know how it works and know how to protect themselves...Its not ok, in my opinion, to run around and have sex with whoever.'

    That's just it. I don't see that teaching kids about sex is giving them permission to go ahead and do it. It's an effort to protect them. If a parent has done their job, and taught the child properly that sex is to reserved for marriage, then knowing how it works, and the dangers involved, is not going to make them suddenly do a 180 and jump anyone who holds still long enough!

    Look, and again I can only use myself as an example, through middle/high school and on into my early 20s, I didn't give a rats ass about God, or modesty, or morals. The *only* thing that kept me from doing some really very stupid things, was fear or getting a disease or getting pregnant. Because I'd learned the dangers.

    'kids are not comfortable talking about this with parents, they'd rather hear it from a teacher.'

    True. I still feel it'd be ideal if the parents were the main source of knowledge here, but that'd be dependent of the parent not treating sex as something horrific and shameful in the first place, so that the child understands it's okay to talk about, in certain settings. *sigh* It's all so very complicated...

    I'm telling you, I missed so much by not getting sex ed.

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  9. Slice,

    I don't think that the book I was given was bad, just...dry. Very clinical about it. Which, I suppose, was good, but I didn't read it fast enough. :)

    'if it is any help Amber, I am still waiting for my mum to explain this to me! I learnt everything from friends at school. NOT IDEAL!'

    Heh. We have, to this day, never discussed sex in my house. Never. And both myself and my sister are over 21.

    I think most kids learn from their friends (or the internet) at this point, which is so far from ideal it's not even funny.

    Urgh. The whole reality tv thing is just...creepy. It's creepy and wrong, like we're stalking these people and it's okay. *shudder* Ew. No. I watch tv for fantasy, not reality. Except when I'm watching the Discovery channel, but that's different. :)

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  10. Candice,

    'It's not essential that it be taught in school though, and in fact it would be best if parents were able to take care of that,'

    I agree. I'd much rather be the one to teach my children about sex, on my own terms. But for those kids whose parents can't, or won't, then they must learn somehow. And sex ed in school seems to be the best alternative.

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  11. Sarah,

    Huh. I didn't know that about Holland. Yeah, that does sound better than just the 'here's how you do it without getting hurt' method.

    If they could work it out it might make a lot of the people who protest it at least look at it again.

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  12. Susanne,

    Yeah, most kids learn from other kids. And that's not good. It all gets jumbled up and wrong, and they don't learn the proper, important information. It's like that telephone game, only a million times worse.

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