Have you ever wondered if some people simply lack the capacity for faith?
I look at all these people who just...*believe*, whether it's a faith that they grew up in or one that they chose later in their lives and I wonder, honestly, how they manage to do that. How do they manage to ignore all the other possible explanations for what they're basing their faith on?
I can't seem to manage it. There are a few faiths (and they're wildly divergent in some cases) that I look at and I think - I could do that. I could get behind that. It's simple enough and I could live a good life following something like that. But I'm very conscious of the fact that I would simply be making a choice without having any actual faith in that choice.
It all looks and feels the same to me, after a certain point. Still I feel the need to make a choice and I'm not really sure why.
I see all these different conversion (to different faiths) stories and I *envy* those people at the same time I'm puzzled by them. They've had their moment of blinding revelation, even when it's slow building and perhaps more rational than others. They believe enough to stick with it and be certain of it. So why can they have that and others not?
I sometimes wonder if my own capacity for rationalization/explanation and lying/storytelling works against me here. I'm capable of making pretty much anything make sense. I've convinced people that things were true when I've known for a fact that they weren't. So knowing the malleability of 'truth', how can I trust anything when it's all just stories that have been handed down?