In less than 24 hours, I will be 28.
And I don't care.
I can tell you that, two years ago, around this time, I was panicking. 26! No boyfriend, no husband, no kids! Aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! I was going to alone *forever*! This was also about the time I was re-finding religion and it all got mixed up together, let me tell you. I was *convinced* that if I found the right faith, if I did the right things, essentially, if I held my mouth right, the sun and the moon and the stars would align and God would finally chuck a husband at me.
Two years later. I'm happier with myself. I'm not perfect, and I by no means have everything figured out. If I ever tell you I do, please feel free to slap me upside the head, repeatedly. And while I do still want to have a husband, and children, it's hardly the driving force in my life. I'm happy by myself - but I'm never alone. I have my family.
I think that people really do need to be settled into themselves before they can contemplate being with someone else. And that comes at different ages and times for different people. Looking back, I know that I was never ready before. Hell, I may not be ready now. But at least I recognize that fact, and it doesn't scare me.
I love where I live. I *love* the state of Florida, and *everything* about it. I love the heat, I love the sun, I love the rain, and the lightning, and the wildlife! I love being able to walk out into my front yard and find snakes and gators! I love living near wildlife preserves and wetlands, and swamps. I love that I can take a weekend down to the Keys, or Miami, or St. Augustine (though technically St. Augustine is up, not down). I like (not love) my job, and the people I work with. For the most part. Do I want to go back to school? Sure. But I have no idea what for, so I won't. It's a waste of money (to me) otherwise. I'm getting healthy. I'm slowly figuring out my faith, but I don't feel rushed about it. Schools out, so I'll start going to the Orthodox church now.
What will be, will be. There is a path, even though I can't see it, or what lies on it. And I'm happy with that. Life'd be boring if I knew what was coming.
And while this may seem a total non sequitur, I've also stopped covering my hair. Just like when I knew that I needed to cover, I now have the same feeling, the same certainty, that I can stop. Maybe I'll have to take it up again at some point. I don't know. I really have nothing to say about it at this point.
Friday, June 4, 2010
Thursday, June 3, 2010
ToB: Creation as a Fundamental and Original Gift
Under the heading of excellent cosmic timing, after my post about why did God create, this was the next subsection of the Theology of the Body.
So. Creation is a gift. A gift to whom, you might ask? Well, humanity, basically. As we are the only beings created in the image of God, as we are the only flesh and blood creatures with will and self awareness, we are the only beings that can appreciate the beauty and the wonder of the creation around us. God gave us the gift of, well, *everything*.
Why did God create? I think the best answer(s) is because God is love. It is His nature to create. And why is it His nature? Because God is love. When we love another person, we want to give them things. Not just things, but pieces of ourselves. We share our secrets with them. We trust them. We give them everything that we can.
And this is just a pale comparison to the perfect Love that God has for us. God literally *did* give us everything. Even knowing what depths of depravity humanity could sink into, He expressed His love by giving us existence.
So. Creation is a gift. A gift to whom, you might ask? Well, humanity, basically. As we are the only beings created in the image of God, as we are the only flesh and blood creatures with will and self awareness, we are the only beings that can appreciate the beauty and the wonder of the creation around us. God gave us the gift of, well, *everything*.
Why did God create? I think the best answer(s) is because God is love. It is His nature to create. And why is it His nature? Because God is love. When we love another person, we want to give them things. Not just things, but pieces of ourselves. We share our secrets with them. We trust them. We give them everything that we can.
And this is just a pale comparison to the perfect Love that God has for us. God literally *did* give us everything. Even knowing what depths of depravity humanity could sink into, He expressed His love by giving us existence.
Tobit Chapter 2
*The Charitable Tobit Becomes Blind*
1. When I arrived at my house, my wife Anna and my son Tobias were given back to me. It was the Feast of Pentecost, which is the holy feast of the seven weeks. A good dinner was prepared for me, so I sat down at the table to eat.+ 2. When I saw the abundance of meat, I said to my son, "Go and bring whomever you may find of our needy brethren who are mindful of the Lord. Behold, I will wait for you." 3. But he came back and said, "O father, one of our people was strangled and thrown into the marketplace." 4. So before I even tasted anything, I jumped up and carried the corpse into a room until sunset. 5. Then I returned, bathed myself, and ate my bread in sorrow. 6. Then I remembered the prophecy of Amos, how he said,
"Your feasts will be turned into mourning,
And all your gladness into a song of grief."
So I wept.+ 7. When the sun went down, I departed, and after digging a grave, I buried him. 8. My neighbors laughed at me and said, "He is no longer afraid to be put to death for doing such a thing. He ran away before, and now, behold, he is burying the dead again."
9. On the same night that I buried him, I returned home. But since I was defiled, I slept by the wall of the courtyard with my face uncovered. 10. However, I did not see the sparrows on the wall, for while my eyes were open the sparrows discharged their droppings into my eyes, and they became white films in my eyes. I went to physicians, but they could not help me. Then Ahikar supported me until he left for Elymais.
11. Then my wife Anna worked for hire at what women do.+ 12. She would send her work to the owners and they would pay her. On one occasion they paid her wages and also gave her a small goat. 13. But when she returned to me, it began to bleat. So I said to her, "Where is this goat from? Is it not stolen? Return it to the owners, for it is unlawful to eat what is stolen." 14. But she replied, "It was given to me as a gift. It was in addition to my wages." But I did not believe her, telling her to return it to its owners. I blushed in embarrassment for her sake. So she answered and said to me, "Are your acts of charity and righteous deeds lawful? Behold, you are a know-it-all!"+
~~~~
OSB Notes:
+2:1 - The Jewish Feast of Pentecost (lit. "fifty") comes seven weeks or fifty days after Passover. These events are fulfilled (1) in the death, burial, and Resurrection of "Christ our Passover" (1 Cor 5:7) and (2) at the descent of the Holy Spirit at Pentecost.
+2:6 - See Amos 8:10
+2:11 - Some scholars speculate Anna was a weaver.
+2:14 - Anna reproaches Tobit, suggesting his acts of charity and his righteous deeds have failed him. This is similar to the rebuke by Job's wife (Job 2:9).
1. When I arrived at my house, my wife Anna and my son Tobias were given back to me. It was the Feast of Pentecost, which is the holy feast of the seven weeks. A good dinner was prepared for me, so I sat down at the table to eat.+ 2. When I saw the abundance of meat, I said to my son, "Go and bring whomever you may find of our needy brethren who are mindful of the Lord. Behold, I will wait for you." 3. But he came back and said, "O father, one of our people was strangled and thrown into the marketplace." 4. So before I even tasted anything, I jumped up and carried the corpse into a room until sunset. 5. Then I returned, bathed myself, and ate my bread in sorrow. 6. Then I remembered the prophecy of Amos, how he said,
"Your feasts will be turned into mourning,
And all your gladness into a song of grief."
So I wept.+ 7. When the sun went down, I departed, and after digging a grave, I buried him. 8. My neighbors laughed at me and said, "He is no longer afraid to be put to death for doing such a thing. He ran away before, and now, behold, he is burying the dead again."
9. On the same night that I buried him, I returned home. But since I was defiled, I slept by the wall of the courtyard with my face uncovered. 10. However, I did not see the sparrows on the wall, for while my eyes were open the sparrows discharged their droppings into my eyes, and they became white films in my eyes. I went to physicians, but they could not help me. Then Ahikar supported me until he left for Elymais.
11. Then my wife Anna worked for hire at what women do.+ 12. She would send her work to the owners and they would pay her. On one occasion they paid her wages and also gave her a small goat. 13. But when she returned to me, it began to bleat. So I said to her, "Where is this goat from? Is it not stolen? Return it to the owners, for it is unlawful to eat what is stolen." 14. But she replied, "It was given to me as a gift. It was in addition to my wages." But I did not believe her, telling her to return it to its owners. I blushed in embarrassment for her sake. So she answered and said to me, "Are your acts of charity and righteous deeds lawful? Behold, you are a know-it-all!"+
~~~~
OSB Notes:
+2:1 - The Jewish Feast of Pentecost (lit. "fifty") comes seven weeks or fifty days after Passover. These events are fulfilled (1) in the death, burial, and Resurrection of "Christ our Passover" (1 Cor 5:7) and (2) at the descent of the Holy Spirit at Pentecost.
+2:6 - See Amos 8:10
+2:11 - Some scholars speculate Anna was a weaver.
+2:14 - Anna reproaches Tobit, suggesting his acts of charity and his righteous deeds have failed him. This is similar to the rebuke by Job's wife (Job 2:9).
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
Judith 6:5
"But you, O Achior, and your mercenaries of Ammon who spoke these words in the day of your wrongdoing, you will not see my face from this day forth until the time I will punish these people who came up out of Egypt.
Susanne, you're also apparently missing Judith from your Old Testament. There's no verse 30 in chapter 4, so this is the last verse:
With ashes on their turbans, with all their strength they cried out to the Lord to look with favor upon all the house of Israel.
Susanne, you're also apparently missing Judith from your Old Testament. There's no verse 30 in chapter 4, so this is the last verse:
With ashes on their turbans, with all their strength they cried out to the Lord to look with favor upon all the house of Israel.
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
ToB: The Meaning of Original Human Experiences
The first chapters of Genesis force us to reconstruct the elements of man and his original experiences, if we're to get anything out of them except for another set of ancient myths. Looking at the original experiences we can begin to gauge their basic significance and perhaps applicability to man throughout the ages. They are archetypal, and being so, are so bound up in the fabric of ordinary life that we fail to see them being extraordinary at all.
We've come now to the comparison between man before the fall and man after the fall, and his nakedness. *Woowoo!*
Prior to the fall, man is described as being naked and not ashamed. What makes us feel shame? When we're kids, we run around buck naked any chance we get. Or at least all the kids that I know do. Clothing is something that the adults force us into, and as we get older, we accept that clothing is necessary as a part of the culture, and adapt what we wear accordingly. For the most part, of course. There are always those who go outside of the accepted norms of society. But that's neither here nor there, for the moment.
But shame is, I think, subjective. From culture to culture, things which are 'shameful' vary. They even vary within a culture, and on down to the family unit. So, talking about actions that are shameful is, I think, less than helpful, in this case.
If the story of Adam and Eve is meant to be universal, then their 'nakedness' and 'shame' or lack thereof, has to have a more universal meaning.
I'm thinking, when, poetically, a person stands 'naked' before another, they are baring their all. Not their physical nakedness, but their soul. They have no secrets. They are out there, in the open. So, perhaps, when the Bible says that they were naked, does it refer to a simpler time, when man and woman had no secrets between themselves and God? The relationship was purer then. A matter as simple as existing. And, since they had no secrets, since all was known about each other, there was no 'shame'.
Once they had disobeyed, however, they knew that they were naked, and they felt ashamed. I think it's important that the phrasing is 'Then the eyes of the two were opened, and they knew they were naked.' (Gn 3:7) It was the knowledge that changed things. They now had a secret. When they looked at each other, they knew that they had done wrong. They knew that when God saw them, He would know. Which is why they hid when the heard Him in the Garden.
It's like, when you've done something wrong, and you're trying to hide it from another person, everything takes on this extra level of meaning. You know that you've done this thing, and your fear that the other will find out makes you think that they already know, and so you view them suspiciously. And your suspicious behavior makes them *actually* suspicious, which feeds your paranoia...you know what I mean.
Of course that metaphor doesn't really work with God, since He does, in fact, already know. But that's what comes to mind, anyway.
It's not about the nakedness of the body, but the whole hearted nakedness of the soul to one another which is only possible in original innocence. Which we don't possess, which makes it impossible for us to ever 100% bare ourselves to another. We *want* to, but we have so much trouble trusting, because we know how untrustworthy we ourselves are, and can't imagine that another will be any better than us, or that they would love us despite our flaws.
And, wow. Sometimes, these posts go nowhere near where I thought they were going.
I feel I should add that I have done something to my neck which means I can't turn it to the left, and have taken muscle relaxers to correct this painful and annoying development. So any lack of coherency will be blamed on the fact that I am, in fact, drugged.
We've come now to the comparison between man before the fall and man after the fall, and his nakedness. *Woowoo!*
Prior to the fall, man is described as being naked and not ashamed. What makes us feel shame? When we're kids, we run around buck naked any chance we get. Or at least all the kids that I know do. Clothing is something that the adults force us into, and as we get older, we accept that clothing is necessary as a part of the culture, and adapt what we wear accordingly. For the most part, of course. There are always those who go outside of the accepted norms of society. But that's neither here nor there, for the moment.
But shame is, I think, subjective. From culture to culture, things which are 'shameful' vary. They even vary within a culture, and on down to the family unit. So, talking about actions that are shameful is, I think, less than helpful, in this case.
If the story of Adam and Eve is meant to be universal, then their 'nakedness' and 'shame' or lack thereof, has to have a more universal meaning.
I'm thinking, when, poetically, a person stands 'naked' before another, they are baring their all. Not their physical nakedness, but their soul. They have no secrets. They are out there, in the open. So, perhaps, when the Bible says that they were naked, does it refer to a simpler time, when man and woman had no secrets between themselves and God? The relationship was purer then. A matter as simple as existing. And, since they had no secrets, since all was known about each other, there was no 'shame'.
Once they had disobeyed, however, they knew that they were naked, and they felt ashamed. I think it's important that the phrasing is 'Then the eyes of the two were opened, and they knew they were naked.' (Gn 3:7) It was the knowledge that changed things. They now had a secret. When they looked at each other, they knew that they had done wrong. They knew that when God saw them, He would know. Which is why they hid when the heard Him in the Garden.
It's like, when you've done something wrong, and you're trying to hide it from another person, everything takes on this extra level of meaning. You know that you've done this thing, and your fear that the other will find out makes you think that they already know, and so you view them suspiciously. And your suspicious behavior makes them *actually* suspicious, which feeds your paranoia...you know what I mean.
Of course that metaphor doesn't really work with God, since He does, in fact, already know. But that's what comes to mind, anyway.
It's not about the nakedness of the body, but the whole hearted nakedness of the soul to one another which is only possible in original innocence. Which we don't possess, which makes it impossible for us to ever 100% bare ourselves to another. We *want* to, but we have so much trouble trusting, because we know how untrustworthy we ourselves are, and can't imagine that another will be any better than us, or that they would love us despite our flaws.
And, wow. Sometimes, these posts go nowhere near where I thought they were going.
I feel I should add that I have done something to my neck which means I can't turn it to the left, and have taken muscle relaxers to correct this painful and annoying development. So any lack of coherency will be blamed on the fact that I am, in fact, drugged.
Why Bother With Creation?
This is a thought I've had before, and I'll likely have it again, because I don't think that anyone knows the answer.
Why did God create humans? Or, really, anything at all, but specifically, people. Knowing how it would all go down, why bother?
p.s. I've gotten the answer, before, 'so we could worship Him'. I find this answer unacceptable, because we're still left with why. Why did God create us to worship Him? Does He require our worship for some reason? If so, He's not self-sustaining, and therefore, not God, but a god. So.
Why did God create humans? Or, really, anything at all, but specifically, people. Knowing how it would all go down, why bother?
p.s. I've gotten the answer, before, 'so we could worship Him'. I find this answer unacceptable, because we're still left with why. Why did God create us to worship Him? Does He require our worship for some reason? If so, He's not self-sustaining, and therefore, not God, but a god. So.
Book: Outlander by Diana Gabaldon
Right, this is the first in a series, actually. And this series is just...it might be my favorite series of all time. Now, I have deep and abiding love for Jim Butcher and both the Dresden Files and the Codex Alera. And a bunch of other series. Don't get me wrong. But these books are just...epic. They are epic, and heartbreaking, and my love for them is *pure*.
They're also a bit hard to categorize, apparently. I have, throughout the years, found them shelved under romance, horror, fantasy, history, and just plain fiction. The best general category they can be placed under is historical fiction. But even that isn't quite right, because of the time travel. :)
So, the book starts out in 1945 with Claire and Frank Randall. World War II has just ended, and the couple are on a 'second' honeymoon, because the War interrupted their first one. They're honeymooning in Inverness, Scotland, near a hill called Craigh na Dun. The hill features a small stone circle, a sort of 'miniature' Stonehenge.
Claire, having an interest in botany and the medicinal uses of various plants (she's a nurse) returns to the stone circle to try and get a sample of a plant that she had seen up there and wanted to identify. As she's walking around the circle, looking, she feels and hears this humming sound, coming from one of the rocks that is actually split in two. She approaches this rock, and touches it. Suddenly, it's as though she can hear screaming, and then the sounds of battle all around her. She stumbles through the split in the rock, and when she comes to, it's night.
She assumes that she hit her head, and, after checking herself for signs of a concussion, heads back down to the car. Which isn't there anymore. Tired and unhappy, she sets off across the woods, heading back for town. While she's making her way through the dense forest, she suddenly finds herself in the middle of what she at first believes to be a reenactment of a battle between Scottish Highlanders and Red Coats.
Turns out, it's not a reenactment at all, of course. She has, somehow, been transported back in time about two hundred years, to 1743. One of the Red Coats, a Captain by the name of Jack Randall (who is, in fact, an ancestor of her husband, Frank), captures her, and given her state of 'undress' (she was dressed perfectly fine in 1945, but in 1743 her dress looks like an underthing, basically) assumes that she's a whore. Claire takes exception to this, Randall tries to press the point, and is jumped and knocked out by one of the Highlanders (Murtaugh). Who proceeds to 'rescue' her from the rest of the Red Coats by kidnapping her and taking her with him.
Claire winds up on the run with this group of Scottish 'bandits'. They can't let her go because they suspect she's an English spy, so they're taking her back to Castle MacKenzie (which is not what it's call in the book, but I can't remember the Gaelic for it, atm) to go before Colum MacKenzie, their laird. On the way Claire begins to figure out what happened, and she also proves herself to be useful in patching up their wounds. Especially the wounds of a young Mr. Jamie MacTavish. ;)
Through plot twists which I won't give away, Jamie and Claire wind up marrying to keep her from having to be turned over to Captain Jack Randall, who believes that she is a Scottish spy, and intends to torture her to get the truth out of her. And, let me tell you, the man is a sadist, in the true sense of the term. He's *evil*, which is proved out through the book.
Anyway. Claire and Jamie do, of course, fall in love, even as Claire is still trying to sneak off back to the circle so that she can get back to her own time. After an incident where Claire is 'accidentally' taken up in a sweep to capture a 'witch' (it's not based on any belief that the woman is a witch, really, but on matters of politics and clan succession), and Jamie manages to rescue her, Claire finally confesses to him the truth of who she is and why she's so strange.
Jamie, who is insanely in love with Claire, to be honest, finally takes her back to Craigh na Dun, so that she can return. He leaves here there, informing her that he'll stay at the base of the hill until the next morning, to make sure that she makes it. Claire, having finally admitted to herself that she does, in fact, love Jamie, has to decide whether or not to go back to Frank, whom she is married to, in the future, but who she doesn't really feel like she knows anymore, or stay with Jamie, who she is currently married to, in the past, and who she has been through hell with.
Happily, she chooses Jamie. Who is *clearly* the superior man. Just trust me on this one. There's *so much* in this book that I don't want to give away.
There're currently seven books in the main series, with three books that are a sort of off shoot series with a recurring character from the main series, with book eight in the main series in the works, and possibilities for a 'prequel' series, featuring Jaime's parents and *their* story, which is also epic. Look, this woman writes novels that are 700+ pages, and that you can't put down. Epic is the only word that works.
Anyway. *This* book ends, after much fighting and stress and death, with Jaime and Claire recuperating in a monastery in France, planning to go to Rome and the Court of Bonnie Prince Charlie.
They're also a bit hard to categorize, apparently. I have, throughout the years, found them shelved under romance, horror, fantasy, history, and just plain fiction. The best general category they can be placed under is historical fiction. But even that isn't quite right, because of the time travel. :)
So, the book starts out in 1945 with Claire and Frank Randall. World War II has just ended, and the couple are on a 'second' honeymoon, because the War interrupted their first one. They're honeymooning in Inverness, Scotland, near a hill called Craigh na Dun. The hill features a small stone circle, a sort of 'miniature' Stonehenge.
Claire, having an interest in botany and the medicinal uses of various plants (she's a nurse) returns to the stone circle to try and get a sample of a plant that she had seen up there and wanted to identify. As she's walking around the circle, looking, she feels and hears this humming sound, coming from one of the rocks that is actually split in two. She approaches this rock, and touches it. Suddenly, it's as though she can hear screaming, and then the sounds of battle all around her. She stumbles through the split in the rock, and when she comes to, it's night.
She assumes that she hit her head, and, after checking herself for signs of a concussion, heads back down to the car. Which isn't there anymore. Tired and unhappy, she sets off across the woods, heading back for town. While she's making her way through the dense forest, she suddenly finds herself in the middle of what she at first believes to be a reenactment of a battle between Scottish Highlanders and Red Coats.
Turns out, it's not a reenactment at all, of course. She has, somehow, been transported back in time about two hundred years, to 1743. One of the Red Coats, a Captain by the name of Jack Randall (who is, in fact, an ancestor of her husband, Frank), captures her, and given her state of 'undress' (she was dressed perfectly fine in 1945, but in 1743 her dress looks like an underthing, basically) assumes that she's a whore. Claire takes exception to this, Randall tries to press the point, and is jumped and knocked out by one of the Highlanders (Murtaugh). Who proceeds to 'rescue' her from the rest of the Red Coats by kidnapping her and taking her with him.
Claire winds up on the run with this group of Scottish 'bandits'. They can't let her go because they suspect she's an English spy, so they're taking her back to Castle MacKenzie (which is not what it's call in the book, but I can't remember the Gaelic for it, atm) to go before Colum MacKenzie, their laird. On the way Claire begins to figure out what happened, and she also proves herself to be useful in patching up their wounds. Especially the wounds of a young Mr. Jamie MacTavish. ;)
Through plot twists which I won't give away, Jamie and Claire wind up marrying to keep her from having to be turned over to Captain Jack Randall, who believes that she is a Scottish spy, and intends to torture her to get the truth out of her. And, let me tell you, the man is a sadist, in the true sense of the term. He's *evil*, which is proved out through the book.
Anyway. Claire and Jamie do, of course, fall in love, even as Claire is still trying to sneak off back to the circle so that she can get back to her own time. After an incident where Claire is 'accidentally' taken up in a sweep to capture a 'witch' (it's not based on any belief that the woman is a witch, really, but on matters of politics and clan succession), and Jamie manages to rescue her, Claire finally confesses to him the truth of who she is and why she's so strange.
Jamie, who is insanely in love with Claire, to be honest, finally takes her back to Craigh na Dun, so that she can return. He leaves here there, informing her that he'll stay at the base of the hill until the next morning, to make sure that she makes it. Claire, having finally admitted to herself that she does, in fact, love Jamie, has to decide whether or not to go back to Frank, whom she is married to, in the future, but who she doesn't really feel like she knows anymore, or stay with Jamie, who she is currently married to, in the past, and who she has been through hell with.
Happily, she chooses Jamie. Who is *clearly* the superior man. Just trust me on this one. There's *so much* in this book that I don't want to give away.
There're currently seven books in the main series, with three books that are a sort of off shoot series with a recurring character from the main series, with book eight in the main series in the works, and possibilities for a 'prequel' series, featuring Jaime's parents and *their* story, which is also epic. Look, this woman writes novels that are 700+ pages, and that you can't put down. Epic is the only word that works.
Anyway. *This* book ends, after much fighting and stress and death, with Jaime and Claire recuperating in a monastery in France, planning to go to Rome and the Court of Bonnie Prince Charlie.
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