Saturday, December 12, 2009

The Twilight Series

Okay, I'm going to say this once, and then WE WILL NEVER. SPEAK. OF. IT. AGAIN. *glares around* I mean it.


I may have been wrong about the Twilight series, before, when I said it was the worst thing ever written in the history of ever.

I had to buy the entire series in hardcover for my sister for Christmas/birthday (she was born on the 29th, so I try to do presents that go together...), and I got them all so early that I, uh, read them. I just finished the fourth one, Breaking Dawn, today.

Now, don't get me wrong. I still don't find them particularly well written, the plots are...meh. I've seen them all done before, in varying forms, and done better. They *are* written for teenagers, and it shows. (And, it actually hurts my brain that this is the level of reading that young teenagers are at. When I was a preteen/teen I was reading Dostoevsky, Twain, Austen, the Bronte sisters, Alighieri, Shakespeare! Okay, I also read teenybopper stuff, but I at least had a rounded taste set!)

So, having finished the whole series, it *does* get better than the first book. Bella is still a freaking moron, and annoys the ever living crap out of me 90% of the time with all her, 'oh, I'm so worthless! He's so much better than me! I don't deserve him! Wah! Wah! Wah! Oh no, I did something dumb! Edward! Jacob! Come save meeeeeeeeeee!' :p I prefer my women with, oh, I don't know, a brain and a spine. Also a personality that doesn't remind one of a doormat. All that being said, I retract my whole, Edward is a creepy stalker and controlling bit. He's not. Really, you kind of realize that, if Edward *wasn't* watching out for Bella, she's wind up walking in front of a car. She's that dumb.

Here're two things that, for me, make the series worth having read it:

Be warned: Spoilers! If you haven't read the books, and don't want to know what happens, go away. I don't give away everything, but I do give away two things from the last book.

I mean it. If you read this, it's on your own head!

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Thing the first: A proper understanding and respect for the sanctity of sex. Edward insists on marrying Bella before making her a vampire, and he insists that they wait until after they're married to have sex.

"How did people do this - swallow all their fears and trust someone so implicitly with every imperfection and fear they had - with less than the absolute commitment Edward had given me?"

Seriously, that was the line I read, and I thought, 'Huh. Well, this whole series was worth it.' The author, and therefore the characters, treat sex as something special and sacred, as it should be. To be shared only between husband and wife.

Thing the second: Bella refuses to abort her baby. Her baby who is, in fact, killing her slowly, and painfully. Edward, who didn't realize he could get her pregnant (what with being a vampire and kind of dead and all...), wants to remove the fetus, and almost everyone else agrees with him, but Bella *knows* her child, and refuses, and enlists the help of the only other vampire who understands, and would be willing to help her. She fights for the life inside her, even to the point of risking her own life, because there's no guarantee she'll survive long enough to be turned into a vampire after giving birth.

That's it. Really. Those two things made the approximately 1700 pages of this series worth it for me.

Oh! PS: I had read people complaining about the 'damage' that Edward does to Bella when the have sex. Um...clearly, you people did not *read* the books. Does Edward bruise Bella? Yes. Is it a lot of bruising? Yeah. But, uh, that does happen, even in normal human sex (Not, it must be said, to the extent that Bella gets bruised. It's really a lot. But...*vampire*. Edward *was* holding back. A lot.). And if you've *never* gotten up after sex and found a new and interesting bruise, then you've been doing something wrong. All the damage people were blaming Edward for? Happened because of the Loch Ness Baby. Which makes sense, given the set up of the author. Was it bad? Oh, yeah. But Edward didn't do it, and the baby wasn't doing it to be evil, it was just...a half-vampire, rapidly growing baby in a human womb!

So. It's been said. We need never speak of this again.


  1. Well, thank you, for the plot summary of the last bit. From the commercials for the other two I can surmise what happened previously. :P

    NOW...drum roll...

    I have a thrilling Austen-esque plot line that needs to be written up. May end up 400 + pages. I could feed you chapters to get an unbiased response. :-)

  2. Oh, thank you. Now I don't have to read these books. :) I agree those are two great things and missing from today's society so very often!

    How funny that you read them before you gave them to your sister for her birthday. Hahahahahaha!

    *whispers* Sounds like something I might do.

    I hope you didn't mess up any of the pages! :-P

  3. They are not good, but they are entertaining. :D

    Certain people still have issues w/the things you pointed out as good because he still stays w/her at night before marriage, and the birth scene is horribly violent and graphic. That never made sense to me. Think of it as deterrents from teen sex! :D "Ewwwww, is that what happens when you have a baby?" "Yes, yes it is. So I think you should wait a LONG LONG TIME before you sleep with anyone."

    The sex-bruising never bothered me, it's more the portrayal of creepy abusive stalking as TRUE LOVE.

    (That said, I read them all. Including Midnight Sun. And saw the movie. Unless you are like me and enjoy horribly bad movies, spare yourself and stay away.)

  4. Hmmm. Interesting at the end bit. I've not been bruised with sex. Torn the first time, yeah. (You know what I'm on about with that) but not bruised. Sounds like this Edward was a bit rough! (But then you said the baby did it to her and not Edward? So was she bruised inside of her womb?)

  5. WAHAHAHA Youve been sucked in!

    They are horribly written but so entertaining. I try to pretend that book 4 doesnt was sooooo bad.

  6. Anna,

    You're welcome. :)

    Ooohh...I would be delighted. When you're ready, you can email them to me at akelios @ :)

  7. Susanne,

    Maybe I should have subtitled the post: 'I read crap so you don't have to!' It's like a public service!

    *glances around* Of course I didn't mess up the pages. She'll never know. :)

  8. Sanil,

    'They are not good, but they are entertaining. :D'

    That does really sum up the whole series, doesn't it. Not good, but entertaining. So sad.

    I can see people still having an issue with Edward staying in Bella's room all night, every night, just watching her sleep. I don't deny the creepy factor there, and I disapprove of him staying over too. I was just pointing out that he refused to have sex - they didn't do anything other than kiss (briefly) before they married.

    Yeah, the birth is bad. Not too graphic, imo, but then again, my scale on these things is skewed, and I know it. :) Heh. I never thought of it like that. Excellent argument for the kids against having sex.

    'The sex-bruising never bothered me, it's more the portrayal of creepy abusive stalking as TRUE LOVE.'

    See, I thought Edward got less creepy/stalkery as the series went on. After the first book, in the second, when he walked away to try and save Bella, I stopped seeing him as abusive. An abusive boyfriend wouldn't walk away. Is it a healthy, normal relationship? Oh, hell no. And I'd never want any kid reading this a thinking this is the way they're supposed to act.

    Too late. I've already watched the first two. The second mostly because, um, Jacob. I'm shallow. I admit it.

  9. Michelle,

    See, I would file the bruising of Bella under the same heading as being sore, the general aches and pains afterward, even some tearing. Sex is something we're made to do, but it's still a very physical act, and the first few times, there's bound to be some... adjusting. In the books, vampires are *really* strong, and even holding back, Edward left a few bruises, but not like he hit her or was being rough or anything. He really did do his utmost to be gentle. It was his first time too...

    The complaints that I had heard of wounds attributed to Edward were broken bones. And those all happened with the baby. Think of the gymnastics that the weans are practicing. Those, but with a super strong baby who's growing at an extremely excellerated rate. I mean, Bella was only pregnant for...a month? Maybe less? And then Nessie was full grown. So yeah, Nessie bruised her badly from the inside, and cracked some ribs, and at the end, when they were having to cut her out, Nessie broke Bella's spine. But none of it was on purpose, and it's not meant to portray a realistic pregnancy or birth either.

  10. LK,

    It's like a black hole! It's bad, but not bad *enough* somehow.

    Eh. The whole series was unnecessarily long. But I made it! *thumps down dead on the floor* And now I never have to look at them again...

  11. the author Stephanie Meyers is a Mormon. So that is where the no sex before marriage comes from. I am pleased with this as when I went to the cinema the girls in front were talking about it and I thought.... its has made them think...

    I live in an area with high teenage pregnancies so anything like this is good.

    I am so Team Jacob. None of the cullens looked how I saw them in my head when reading the books. they are said to be model like, stunning. I wouldnt look twice at most of them.

    And the sex scene is not in to nity gritty *blanches*, but more later where as they are vampires they rip the bedroom apart with their strength.

    yes the baby thing is freaky but well, maybe there is a lesson in it for all the teenagers the books are aimed for. Babies are a blessing and are not an accessory or a way to get a council house. it is a human being the same as the mother and father. I dont think they look at it like that.

    I have many discussions at work. They say we are ready to have a baby. A child is a baby for a very short term. Are you and your *boyfriend* ready for a life of something tying you together FOREVER. yet you only met 2 months ago? who then leaves either half way through the pregnancy or stays and then leaves as they are unable to cope.

    No idea about the nuturing, resposibility, guidance. And that in a few short years that baby will be a strapping teenager that will decide just the same as you that they are ready...

    Anyways back to the book. A good read if nothing else to do. very flimsy moral story. but Jacob and the other werewolves are hotties.

    I also found the the time travellers wife was disturbing...

    Team Jacob out

  12. Slice,

    I do remember that she's a Mormon, and that does explain her stance. I guess I can manage to appreciate the good part of the message while ignoring where it came from, in this instance. :)

    *nods* Team Jacob for the win. As a matter of fact, *all* the actors they got for the Pack were far better looking than the Cullens, imo. And Bella would have been better off with Jacob anyway.

    Oh, yes, the later sex scenes are more...destructive. But they're both vampires then, so Bella gives as good as she gets.

    Too many kids view babies like accessories! They have some sort of tv concept of just using the child as a prop, or expecting someone else to take care of it! Horrible. People should have to take lessons or something before they try to have children.

    I didn't read/see the Time Travellers Wife, the concept, from what I read about it, told me I wouldn't enjoy it.

  13. i read it for a book club. everyone kept saying it is a love story through time. Well putting that aside.

    as you havent readit, it put this question to you

    if your (say) 8 year old told you she was going to the meadow on a certain day at a certain time, to meet a man who appears naked. Talks and plays with her, telling her she is his wife...

    then gives her lots of other dates to meet him. What would you do?

    Me I would be hidding somewhere after I called the police with a taser. Catch the dirty perv and lock him up.

    Others at work didnt read it like that. but as far as I could tell, she never questioned it as if brain washed. I really didnt like it. but it also isnt a teen book, like twilight. so I will let them all off.

    Clumpily written, I had to keep re-reading it as it just didnt flow. A complete waste of my time.

  14. Slice,

    Hah. Taser? Police? I'd be waiting with a gun. End of problem.

    Yeah, so, thanks, this is a book I can safely never read. :)


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