I am...mostly amused by this post. But I want to write it, so I will!
Candice just recently did a post reevaluating her stance on sex toys in Islam. (Also, this post has nothing to do, specifically, with Candice's post, which is why I'm not replying over there!)
After I read it, and stopped giggling (which, I mean no insult or disrespect, okay? But it's *amusing* to me that there has to be religious rulings on what is and is not acceptable in the sex life of a married couple.), I remembered that there are Christians who have these hang ups too. And that, also, amuses me.
My point of view is this:
Once you're married? Anything that is consensual and pleasurable between you is a-okay!
The point of sex (aside from reproduction) is to bring the couple closer. To make them one. Right? It's all about closeness and love and intimacy.
Here's the thing. Everyone has kinks. Everyone. You may not *think* it's a kink. You may think it's the most vanilla thing out there and 'kink' only applies to whips and chains. And you'd be wrong.
Do you like having sex with your spouse in the middle of the day? Does that make it extra special? Extra arousing?
That's a kink. And I'm not even talking about especially bendy sex there. Just plain, old fashioned, sex.
Anything the idea of which serves to heighten your arousal and enjoyment is a kink. Got it?
ALSO, *gets on soapbox*, in spite of the general perspective on BDSM sex, it too is meant to be all about closeness and love. It's not just about the sex - it's about the trust and the ability to give yourself over to someone else. Got it? *hops off of soapbox*
The important aspect is that everything done during sex between two people must be done out of love and mutual pleasure.
Which is why *I* personally think that it's very, very, very important for a couple to discuss their sexual preferences and needs prior to marriage. I'm not talking like, first date or anything. But when it's serious? When you're considering getting engaged?
This is a talk that needs to happen. Because if you're not sexually compatible and/or not willing to try the things that make your spouse happy? You're going to either have a really miserable marriage, or a really short one. Or a little bit of both.
I know, for myself, that I have certain very specific kinks. I own those kinks and a lifetime of sex without them would not be fully satisfying to me. So if and when I find someone that I want to marry, we will be having that talk.