Tuesday, July 12, 2011

so then...

I think you can need something so badly in certain times, even if you don't recognize that you're using it as a tool to pull yourself out of a darker spot, that you make yourself believe in it. Only after it's over, you no longer feel the need for the tool. You cling to it, because you've created belief within yourself. But after a while it stops feeling real.

I have to put an effort into being conscious of having faith, which probably translates into needing an effort to have faith in the first place. And I'm no longer certain that I need that.


  1. Oddly (or maybe not), I sensed you were headed this way and was only waiting for you to verify it. It's weird how often you come to my mind! Get outta my head, woman! ;-P

    I'm glad you are doing well these days. I miss hearing from you, but you always tended to get this way around your birthday and vacation so I tried to keep that in mind this year. :)

    Keep 'em straight at work! :)

  2. I think it means that you're in *my* head! In which case, GET OUT! It's crowded enough in here! :p

    Eh. Maybe I'm just still feeling burnt out. And I haven't been able to attend church on anything resembling a regular schedule. I made the decision to prioritize my health over attending church and that means that I have to get to the gym as often as I can. And that doesn't mesh well with church services apparently. Maybe I made the wrong decision, but there we are. I don't know. I used to be able to be self sufficiently religious. I need to get back to that, only, you know, possibly without the paganism. :)

    Ugh. It's actually because I did a silly thing and signed up for Camp NaNo, which means writing a 50,000 word story in the month of July. So I get home, do all my stuff, and sit down and write. Then it's late, and I think, I should write up my notes from Augustus. And then I don't, and go to sleep. I'm a lazy, lazy bum! I haven't even been keeping up on blog reading. The only one I've commented on has been me ranting about how porn isn't evil!

  3. Yes, I saw that one and actually thought you made good points. :)

    I do miss you, but I have hope you'll be around more once your writing spree is over! :D

    Love you, Lil' Sis! ;)


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