Friday, September 25, 2009

If I'm My Own Person, Why're You Telling Me What To Do?

Right, so this is just gonna be one of those, 'Amber does not hold with this sort of crap.' posts. Brief and ranty.

Sooo....recently, and not so recently, I've come across several blogs where the women who write them have given their husbands control over the blog, to one degree or another. For some, it seems to be editing duties - the husband can read the posts before they're posted, to make sure there's nothing 'objectionable'? I guess. Some, apparently, have given their husbands their userid & passwords, so that dear ol' hubby can actually go back and delete posts and/or make posts of their own. *twitches*

Now, I fully admit that I have Issues with male dominance in relationships. It's a by product of my childhood, and I'm *working* on it. Trust me, I've gotten better. I no longer think that men are all scum who should be locked away and used only in breeding programs until we figure out a way to do it without them. You may laugh and think I'm exaggerating, but I swear, I'm not. I used to think that was a brilliant (if unlikely to happen) plan.

*However* stuff like this still makes me...lets go with 'a little frothy at the mouth'.

No matter who you are, man or woman, your spouse should not, not ever, have the right to *edit* what you say to other people. Not EVER. This just leads to trying to 'edit' what you think, and who you talk to at all, and, hells, that's just a very steep and slippery slope, it *is*.

I will most certainly grant that one spouse should not be badmouthing the other to all and sundry. Problems within the relationship should be dealt with *within* the relationship, and, if need be, with a counselor/priest/what have you. A spouse can still, I think, complain about things, if they want to, to friends, whether they're internet friends or real life friends. And yes, you should have an understanding with your spouse about the level of detail you're both comfortable sharing with the world at large. This is different, though, than handing over control of something that is, essentially something of a diary, to another person.

Now, aside from 'personal stuff', I've seen some that edit for theological content. Again, no. Just because you're the man (and I've only ever seen this done to a woman's blog by her husband) doesn't make you right. A woman is free to spout all sorts of theological theories and/or nonsense on her blog, or anywhere else. So're you. On *your* blog. Nothing's stopping you from getting one of your own and posting a response to your wife, if the two of you want to have the conversation that way.

There. I edited out most of the *really* ranty stuff, you're welcome.


  1. Totally agree! I came across a blog just this morning where the husband had posted *on his wife's blog and without her permission* justifying something he did, blah, blah, blah. I was thinking along the same lines as you. What a control freak! Argh!

    Thankfully my husband knows better than to pull a stunt like that. Actually Andrew always let me have my say and doesn't try to "edit" or control me.

    I can think, I can write, I can speak for myself and no MAN is going to control me that way. I hate when women allow themselves to be doormats or mindless robots. Said women need to "nip it in the bud" pronto!

  2. AMEN, SISTER!!!! ^_^ Me, I like to get on my theological trains of thought, and for anyone to edit that...well, let's just say I wouldn't be happy about it AT ALL. : )

    So, outside of rant territory, how are things going?

  3. lol! ah here's me worrying that some poor soul had been endeavouring to tell you what to do....

    (actually the 'breeding programme' isn't such a bad idea... there are many out there who shouldn't ever be allowed to reproduce... but sadly that applies to many women I know too - maybe a vetting programme should be set up first?) men do have some other useful uses though... like opening the tops of onion/beetroot jars... and other such must have delicacies...

    ermm they are also useful to have around when fingers get stuck together with superglue.... :0D (honestly how was I to know the glue would act THAT FAST?! was there a warning NOOO!)

  4. Oh, I totally think I just saw the blog post you and Susanne were talking about. *EPIC PEEVE*

  5. No one, man or woman, should whine and moan too much about any actual person on a blog. That's just plain gossipy and rude.

    But I also think that the "man is head of woman" thing is being taken wayyyyy tooooo farrrr in some Christian denominations! I've read lots of "christian submission" books and articles and it the stuff they promote have nothing to do with the Christian order of man and woman and everything to do with the old **Roman** law take on men and women.

    If you want a really good view of the truly **Christian** understanding of women and their roles in society and also marriage, read "Women in the days of the Cathedrals."

    Good stuff! Nothing creepy or Feminist there.

  6. Susanne,

    It's (likely) the same blog that sparked this.

    My (theoretical) future husband will most certainly not be editing anything I want to say on a blog.

  7. Heather,

    Yeah, I can't imagine there're too many other blogs at this very moment with this issue, but I *have* seen others, this is just the most recent one.

    Things're well. I'm happy and content, which is all one can ask for. :)

  8. Ahavah,

    Oh, I *pity* the person who tries this with me. *Pity*.

    Heh. True, this is part of why the plan would never have worked. We need them for too many other things.

    re: superglue: gloves. latex gloves.

  9. Michelle,

    And I'd agree with you. And, you know, if the husband thought that there was too much of that, then he needs to discuss it with his wife and they need to lay down an agreement over what can and can't be published on the blog. It's their shared life.

    However, him just being able to arbitrarily log onto her blog and delete her posts and make posts of his own, justifying what he did wrong is a different matter.

    I've decided this whole 'man is head' thing is (in its current form) a Protestant thing, and therefore I can ignore it. :)

  10. "However, him just being able to arbitrarily log onto her blog and delete her posts and make posts of his own, justifying what he did wrong is a different matter."

    Ya know, if a dude is wasting his time logging onto his wife's blog to counter-whine and counter-complain about a PRIVATE matter then he's just as immature and stupid as his wife. So, madam "I'm gonna whine about my husband on my blog" wife gets no pity from me and neither does her equally indescreet husband. My take? "Grow up!" **Slap**


    Oh yes! And it's from Ignatius Press (sp?) and they don't publish junk!!

  11. I read blogs for a long time before I began blogging myself.

    I spoke to PB before I began, as I was a bit daunted by it all.

    So we came up with a few rules, no real names used, no pictures of the children in our family. thing like that.

    manly to keep us safe. although he never tells me you cant write thid or that

  12. Slice,

    See, those are all good, sensible precautions. I don't use other peoples real names and I won't post their pictures. My issue is when you hand control of your blog over to another person as I've seen be done.


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