Saturday, November 28, 2009

In Which I Fail At Life

So, I'm not going to the church tomorrow.

I just, I don't feel up to it, which is stupid. I know.

I just had an argument with my mother about my weight and my being unhappy and depressed and lacking self confidence and she's convinced that if I could just feel better about myself then I wouldn't be so unhappy and who the hell knows, maybe she's right. I don't know.

I agreed to go see 'someone' (not a shrink. i refuse. they're all quacks.), but like a nutritionist/exercise consultant type, whatever they're called. Because it's not working on my own. I was loosing weight, gaining muscle, and then it stopped, and reversed. I admit I slacked on the food, and I need to exercise more, but I don't *feel* like it. I don't feel like I have the energy. I *know* that if I *did* force myself to do what I need to do, I'd start *feeling* more entergetic, but I just can't be bothered. Which is because (as mom thinks) I'm depressed. But I don't *think* I'm depressed....


I suck.

I'm going to go make myself a salad.


  1. I think you should go to church tomorrow. There may be a message that God wants you to hear. Satan is trying to give you a reason not to go. I'll pray for you. BTW isn't that big picture at the top of your blog from the movie Titanic?

  2. I wath Criminal Minds too. Last one made me cry. God bless ya'!

  3. Aw but the church sounded so cool. It might make you feel better.

    Not all psychologists are quacks....but a lot of them are. The good ones are totally worth seeing though. Mine was Buddhist and awesome LOL

  4. Aw, Sweetie, I had no idea you were feeling unhappy these days. I'll be praying for you. I hope you go to that church eventually.

    Going to a nutritionist may be helpful in getting you on the right path. Perhaps you are the type who likes a plan laid out for her. And truly when you start exercising -- just going for a nice, brisk walk in the evenings, for instance -- you will realize you feel better. Those good hormones make you feel good and it's actually quite addictive. If I lived closer, I'd come over and we'd walk together. I'd love to tease you live! :-)


  5. I hope you get a boost to go to the Church, it really sounded like something good. But take your time too in going through what you're going through and don't be scared to get help. From my experience with exercise, I needed a routine and a reason to go. Like a work-out partner or cardio courses or walk club. It would be good support to join something like that.

    I hope you feel better soon, Amber, I'll pray for you.

  6. Hope you're over this little slump soon. You're definitely not a failure!

  7. Lanie,


    Yes, thank you, you're right, of course. I did go to both my usual church and the Orthodox church I've been trying to talk myself into going to.

    No matter how down I am, it's not reason to miss church.

    Heh. You're the first person to recognize it. Yes, it's from the Titanic. :)

    Oh, Criminal Minds. *sniffles some more* Poor Hotch! I was crying so much. Nice to know I'm not the only one. :)

  8. LK,

    I did wind up going after all. :) I'm very happy that I did.

    Hmmm...I've yet to meet a psychologist that I didn't instantly judge a skeezeball. But I could be prejudiced. *makes shifty eyes*

  9. Susanne,

    Thanks. See, the thing is, *I* don't think I'm any lower than normal, but then, are people who're depressed aware that they're depressed? I mean, I'm not rolling around dressed in black, sobbing and crying 'woe!' *shrug*

    But I do think I need someone else to kick my butt in regards to my weight. I'm just not able to do it myself, clearly.

  10. Candice,


    I'm just...I'm not comfortable with admitting I can't do things by sheer force of my own will. *sigh*

    Part of my problem (I think) is that I set up my own routine, but then there's no one there to call me on it when I slack on the routine. I'm not disciplined enough to be trusted with this. :)

  11. Stacy,

    Thank you.

    I just, have to admit, in real life, that I *can't* do it by myself. And not rip off peoples heads when they try to help.

    We'll see how that goes.


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