Monday, June 15, 2009

It's Okay to Ask for Help

So, some of the replies on my whinging post about dating, etc. made me realize something.

I don't ask for help.

It just doesn't occur to me, when I'm trying to do something, to ask someone else for assistance, and if I hurt myself, I typically don't even ask for help then.

For instance, the stick through the foot incident: We live on 3 acres of land. Not huge, but not your typical back yard. The bushes that so maliciously attacked me were along the fence at the very back of the property. I was walking two of the dogs at the time, on leashes, because they can't be trusted not to go over the fence after a bunny or something. So, I had to limp back, with both dogs trying to help, sniffing the blood, etc. But here's the thing: *I had my cell phone with me*. I could have called the house and somebody could have come out to at least take the dogs which would have made the trip back easier. But it didn't even occur to me until my mother asked me why I didn't do it.

That's somewhat of an extreme example, I'm not usually bleeding when I do things on my own.

But it's typical. I don't ask for things. I don't ask for help. I should be able to do it myself.

I'm not the kid buttering up her parents for toys, and I'm not the kid hanging off their mothers arm screaming 'I want it!'. I'm the kid climbing up on the counter to get the dishes, or sitting there, quietly, *wanting* something and wondering why no one gives it to me. Because they should just *know* that of course I want it.

I want to get married. I want oodles of children. I want a wonderful husband that I love and who loves me back just as much.

But I've never bothered to ask. I've been alternately trying to do it myself, and sitting in my corner wondering why 'Dad' won't just give me what He knows I want.

So. I've got to learn to ask. Easier said than done, I'm guessing.


  1. oh dear is this true? You have never actually gotten round to asking our Papa for a life mate?

    (am trying hard not to laugh - but my shoulders are shaking).... no wonder you have been meeting dorks then....

    but that said.. I too HATE asking for help... seriously hate it... and now I have fybro and somedays I cant shower by myself or wash my hair or even get my underwear on.... I came to the conclusion that

    a) I am full of false pride and

    b) having to ASK for help is very humbling


    c) I have lost count of the times when people who have to care for me do so cheerfully, and willingly and will even go the extra mile... although dodi is at the moment objecting to painting my toe nails because I cant bend to reach...and I have such a pretty shade of red for them...

  2. I say ask Papa for help! If you don't now, when you do eventually, it might not be offered. Not asking for help and things in general made me the less favored child as you know missy....

    I say hold your nose sweetie and go under the water on this one. It will be hard, and your cheeks will blush bright red, but after you do it successfully and are married with a nice wedding, you will know you made the right decision. And you are worth it Amber!

    If you don't and then marry the wrong person because of it, you will wish everyday that you had asked. And sweetie, it's going to hurt your psyche a lot more than limping home that day did. Ugh. I was so sorry to read that! You poor girl!

    There are a lot of things I wish I could take back. And one of them was not asking my parents to help me pay for some things that would have allowed me to have good credit today. And now in a domino effect scenario, it is impossible without money upfront for me to buy a home, a living room set, heck even walk into Conn's and buy that cute washer and dryer.

    The way I see it, we are a credit nation, and not having that is a blow...

    Similarly, you are too young to have those kind of regrets about choosing wrong.

    It's not going to be easy, but I'm glad you can see that it must be done. Love you sweetie, and go have that talk pronto!

  3. Ahavah,

    Oh, go ahead and laugh. It's been an immense - 'well, duh!' moment for me, and kind of funny if you look at it from the right angle. :)

    I'm sorry to hear about your fybro, but it's wonderful that you've got people ready willing and able to help. Dodi should totally paint your nails.

  4. Lisa,

    You're right, of course. I've got my mother's own history and yours too to prove it.

    It's just retraining myself, which is hard. I'm stubborn.

  5. Oh, lady, get to asking! Hey, it's so funny (ironic) that I wrote something about this just the other day -- asking God to bless us. It doesn't always come easy for me because I think it's selfish. Check it out here if you want. Maybe you will want to pray this prayer as well. Looking forward to seeing what God will do in your life! :-)

  6. Susanne,

    That's part of it too!

    I'm sort of afraid that if I pray for things for myself I'm just being selfish! After all, there're so many other people, even just people that I know, that need things more important than what I need. *sigh* I'm working on it...


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