I think I've talked about the idea of matrixing before. It's a term that I've mainly heard used when talking about photographs, videos or audio recordings where people see or hear something that wasn't there in 'life'. Faces in windows, mirrors or the trees. Like, say you're looking at a door. There's a stain pattern in the wood and it looks like a face. Or a person. One of the doors at the salon I go to has a pattern on it that looks like an evil monkey face.
It's not *really* a face. No one purposefully put that pattern there. It's an accident of shapes and then my mind making sense out of random things. Our brains are trained to recognize faces and the shapes of people, so we see them where they aren't.
A similar thing can happen to people in life. Where we see patterns and a meaning where there isn't any.
Say that someone notices a streak of the number 5 coming up in their life. They catch the fifth bus, they find five dollars, they have five china cups with the same pattern, etc. etc. etc. And then the start looking back through their life and they find more and more fives. So they start to think that the number five has a mystical, personal meaning for them. Does it *really* mean something?
Well, in so far as our perception dictates reality, sure. But does it mean that there's some divine force out there putting all these fives in that persons path? Or is it just coincidence and the way our brains work combining to make us see a pattern and meaning where there isn't one?
And what the hell does this have to do with anything, I hear you asking.
Well. I know a lot of people who feel guided by divinity of one sort or another. Most of them have not felt so guided for their entire lives. It's something that came later to them.
So they're noticing something. The end of some thread and looking back and seeing this pattern. It's something that is only clear to them in hindsight. And, of course, now that they've recognized the pattern they look for it in everything and tend to find it because that's how it works. If you want to see the pattern badly enough you will see it.
Of course, people who believe that they're being guided or believe in the pattern will argue that it is there and that their god/gods/divine essence put it there. And it's kind of hard to disprove that.
Sometimes you don't even *want* to disprove it because it's so easy to fall into it yourself. I was thinking about this, about how some people feel *led* which is not something that I've ever really felt. I've felt drawn to do this or that thing, but I've never really noticed a pattern of the kind I'm describing.
Anyway. I was thinking about some of the people I know who feel that there's been this pattern, this presence in their lives that they only recognized at a later date and I realized that I could find a similar pattern/presence in my life. And for a few minutes there was this weightless sort of 'oh shit' moment because it deals with something I had left behind. An aspect of that that, at the time, I had neglected because of personal emotional issues.
But, having given myself time to calm the hell down - is it really a presence? Or is it just that this thing appeals to a part of my personality, so I've been seeking it out both consciously and subconsciously and now that I'm thinking about it it seems to be a pattern imposed from the outside? Combined with the lack of direction I've been feeling lately in regards to spiritual things that would make it an easy solution to latch on to.
Clearly I'm holding back on jumping that bandwagon because, frankly, I suspect that it's more to do with my own brain than with anything external acting on my life. But then, I'm a skeptical person by nature. Not very trusting, even of my own experiences, such as they may be. The vehicle through which we experience reality is limited, our understanding is limited, and it's easy to make something out of nothing.
Also, October and the upcoming Samhain, always make me nostalgic. Make me miss things I've left behind and feel the pulse and pull of them more acutely than I do at any other time of the year.