Monday, January 5, 2009

Discretion in Marriage

Ave Maria Gratia Plena...: A return to discretion.

*points to link* I kind of want to be her when I 'grow up'. I love reading her posts. She's firmly opinionated. :) But anyway...

So, I'm not married, but my best friend is. To protect me, should she ever find this place, we'll call them Adam and Eve. I know, I know, inventive and original.

I'd read Michelle's post when she originally posted it, and thought 'She's right. I'll keep this in mind for when I'm dating, and if I ever get married.' And sort of put it out of my mind.

Yesterday, after Mass, I met Eve for breakfast. Inevitably, her relationship with Adam came up, as it always does. And, inevitably, there was complaining about him, and his flaws. Of course, I, as Best Friend Extraordinaire, listened and commiserated. I'm fairly certain that's in the job description.

The thought occured to me, later on, of course: How much responsibility do I bear for a friends indiscretion regarding her husband? Just the 'ripping him to shreds' behind his back sense of the term, of course. He's not my husband, I'm not privy to their deepest, darkest secrets, unless Eve chooses to share. I'll ask how things are going, and sometimes I get an earful. I listen, and, as I said, 'dish', I suppose. But that's as far as it goes. Where's the line between giving my friend an outlet for her frustration and encouraging her to disparage and harangue her husband? I try to give such advice as I can, and, to be honest, it usually involves asking her if she's mentioned any of this to him, since I don't have personal experience to go on, but I'll admit that I engage in sniping him sometimes too, when it seems he's done something particularly bizarre.

1 comment:

  1. It is good to have a listening ear towards a friend, to encourage, but I also believe we need to 'sharpen' As iron sharpens iron, one man sharpens another. Sometimes when we 'listen' we are placing ourselves in agreement with them, which can be unwise, not good, and accepting the unhealthy situation. Pray to our Lord about this, how He can speak to your friend through you. I think of 1 Corinthians 13., BELIEVES the best. Encouraging her to believe the best of her husband, learning to keep the mouth closed at times, and to love AT ALL TIMES, God COMMANDED us to love, He KNEW we, His children would not want to love all the time, so He commanded it..which means we cannot live by our emotions....
    ((hugs)) going to check that link you shared.


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