Tuesday, April 19, 2011


How do you know you have it? Is there some sort of feeling that you get?

I have this problem. Because of me being, well, me, I am more than capable of arguing points of view that I do not share. The problem in this being, in order to be convincing you take some of those facts in to yourself. You have to project the air that you believe what you're saying. I have yet to come across an instance where there was any difference in how I felt while I was trying to convince someone of something I didn't believe, but wanted them to believe to be true, and how I feel in contemplation of things that I claim to believe. So now I'm questioning whether or not I believe any of it at all.

I keep expecting that bolt of lighting, the feeling of everything clicking together and making sense. It's not happening, which makes me keep looking. I've felt more transcendent, religious awe lying back and watching the stars, or watching a great predator move than I have in any church.


  1. What are you trying to make sense of? And do you want it to make logical sense or emotional sense or just feel that jolt of "aha!" - the lightning strike as you said?

    I can understand your feelings of awe more in nature than in church. I am often the same. It's not surprising since Paul says creation is what tells people that there is a God! He doesn't say we get this inside a church.

    Church is a place we learn about God and worship Him, but I'm not sure that is its primary function. It's also for fellowship and encouragement of others,right? Like if you were sick and going through a hard time, your brothers and sisters in Christ should rally around you and pray for you, provide meals, support you. If you are struggling with an addiction, they should be your supporters, encouraging you along the way!

    Creation is where I often see God as well. Many times I sit on my porch and am in awe of God.

    Romans 1:20 For since the creation of the world God’s invisible qualities—his eternal power and divine nature—have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that people are without excuse.

    The Psalmist says the heavens declare God's glory! So it makes sense that you find God more in nature.

    I'm sorry you are struggling (if you are?). I will pray for God to give you peace. Maybe you could take your Bible to some place quiet outside and pray the Bible to God as you enjoy His creation. I often find peace in this way.

  2. Life. *shakes head* I just wonder sometimes, how do you know if you really have faith? How can you be certain that you believe what you say you believe? If both the truth and the lie feel and sound the same, how do you tell the difference?

  3. Those aren't easy questions. I have doubts like that sometimes as well. I was always the child who wanted to make sure she was saved and would get up at night when I should have been sleeping to talk to my dad about this thing bothering me so badly I could not sleep.

    I think of people throughout history who have struggled with their faith. People we were so sure would never have doubts, yet they did. And do.

    Remember the father in Mark 9 who asked if Jesus could help him? Jesus said anything was possible to those who believe and the man declared his faith yet in the very next instance said "help my unbelief!" And Jesus healed his child.

    Not that this example helps your struggles, but my point is that most everyone goes through things like this. We really *don't* know what happens after death. We really *don't* know that there truly is a god. Maybe we are all believing an illusion and made-up fables to make sense of life.

    That faith stuff is hard. Anyone who says it's for wimps or "weak women and children" is wrong, in my opinion.

    Thanks for sharing your struggle. I really appreciate your honesty and you've been on my heart and mind more since I read this post and I've prayed for God to give you peace.


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