Wednesday, August 11, 2010

The Fine Art of Shunning

So, I admit that I'm occasionally a blunt person. I can dissemble, it's just that, unless I see the need, I don't. And I know that things don't seem insulting/hurtful/what have you to me, but do to others. The other week, in a discussion with my sister about how she needs to be an adult and discuss a problem that she's having with our mom, rather than throwing screaming fits about it (she's 22, btw), I somehow managed to upset her by bringing up the fact that an adult deals with things in a certain way, meets the requirements of their job, etc. I didn't *mean* it to upset her - in the past she had a problem with oh, getting up in time to go to work. I was using it as an example of how she acted when she was a teen, and how she acts now as an adult. But it upset her, apparently.

Never mind that my talk with her actually worked, and she did sit down and discuss the problem with Mom. But then, the next morning, *I* got told by Mom that I shouldn't bring the work thing up anymore, because it upset BabySis! Which leads to the whole problem of why am I expected to ignore history? What good does that do? Though I did point out that I didn't have any intention of making BabySis feel bad about it. It's just something that exists in the past - I'm not clinging to any sort of negative feelings about it, though apparently BabySis is. Anyway. I said something like, 'I don't get why she's so sensitive about it.' and Dad said, 'It's because other people *have* emotions.' *rolls eyes* Now, it's not that people think I don't have feelings, it's just that...for the most part, they don't impact the things that I say. And I sometimes forget that other people aren't as prone to divorcing how they feel from what they think needs to be said or done. I'm not all that concerned, generally, with holding other peoples' hands to their own detriment. And I keep my own emotions to myself, mostly, because that's where they belong.

Something ugly in the past? I'll drag it out into the light, because I think it's healthier! I get that I don't get why certain subjects are socially taboo to talk about in public, and try to edit myself in that regard, but that's about it.

Anyway! The point of the post is, I realize that I am occasionally perceived as insensitive by other people. (Not to mention odd, and possibly certifiable, but I'm pretty sure they were joking about the men in the white coats...) So, yesterday, I'm sore from exercising, and a coworker comes up to tell me that we're out of 8 1/2 x 11 paper in the closet. I keep an emergency stash under my desk, and pulled a ream out, and tried to hand it to her over my computer monitor. In the mean time, she said something about there only being 11x17 paper in there, to the tune of 8 cartons. I responded, jokingly, that there couldn't be 8 cartons in there, because I only ordered 6. So then she starts to count them on her fingers, rolling her eyes up in that way that denotes imagining the room, and the whole time I'm holding this ream of paper out, and I finally just told her to take the paper. She took it, and I got up to go see if she was right about us being out, because if so, then I needed to find one of the warehouse guys before they left for the day. Well, so I found an almost full carton (someone had stacked an 11x17 carton on it), and sat back down to tell her.

Well! She wouldn't even turn to look at me, but, very nastily, told me that 'she had had enough of me!' 'she was through with me!' and 'shut the hell up!' *rolls eyes* So, whatever. I didn't say anything to her the rest of the day (like, an hour), because I figured that she was clearly having a moment and anything I said would just aggravate her, and that she'd get over it. Apparently, she hasn't, because she's not speaking to me today! All day, nothing! And I really have *no idea* what it is that I did!

So, whatever. You know what the only response to such childishness is?

Niceness and adult behavior. :p

And yet she'll still forward joke emails to me. Confusing person is confusing.


  1. Um, I'm lost. Why is she even mad at you to begin with??

    It must be some kind of "moment" in her own head because what you said wouldn't even phase most people. And maybe if she bothered to move the carton aside she would have seen that there was still some paper?

    Ooooh maybe that's why she was being so touchy: you made her look bad. But hey that's what she gets for not bothering to move things around. I hate it when people are like, "I can't fiiiind (fill in the blank)!" and yet they're just standing and staring at stuff. Not bothering to sort through it. Arrrrg!

  2. I don't even know! That's what's so mystifying! I've reviewed the entire conversation, to see if I did one of those blunt things, and I didn't! I didn't even tell anyone else that she'd missed the paper. It was just her and me! There was no one to look bad in front of! No one else knows about any of it. And I didn't say it like, 'you moron, you didn't see that?!?' it was just, 'hey, I found the paper'

    The worst part is, I heard her when she was looking, and I heard her moving the boxes, so I suspect that *she's* the one who put the 11x17 on top of the box she was looking for...

  3. this happens all the time at my work. I have given up now and I just listen to my MP3 player. if you dont facebook, tweet, then you are nobody to the chav's I work with. they are so uncooth I cant be bothered to explain things to them as they talk about me behind my back.

    for instance. a VERY heavily pregnant co worker moaned that her husband had said, "I dont know what all you women moan about being pregnant..." So I said to her "I bet you wish you were both seahorses right now!". she laughed and said "yeah I am gonna tell him that the next time he has to help me up off the sofa..."

    to which someone who was just listening in said "My God you are so random you dont half talk c£&p."

    to which I had to walk away from as I was laughing in my head, but really, seriously, why do I have to work with morons? I didnt know if she was being silly, or the statement was real and she really didnt get what I was saying...

    Blunt is best Amber. Being upfront means people know where they are with you. instead of the nest of vipers I work with. Say one thing and then talk about you behind your back. snitch on you. Yep, I would rather work with a room full of men, than loads of women. mean as snakes. mean as snakes...

    ignore and pretend it didnt happen. then if she does it again. Say, can you just check that again as I am going to find one of the people who signed for that as we will have to send it back...

  4. I am SO glad I'm self-employed, reading the present discussion. I don't 'get stuff' either. And I speak so bluntly that I bet I have managed to offend even someone like Amber. She's not alone - there's someone else in particular who is probably offended right around now.

    This is not an apology. There are things that there is no point in sweeping under the carpet. But that doesn't mean that I can't wish I could just make them go away... But I am not God. That's the long and short of it, I reckon.

  5. PS I just posted something kind of important on my blog recently which is kind of relevant to the matter at hand... I've also changed the title to my blog. It will be obvious from that, which entry is relevant.

  6. This post made me chuckle...sorry. I just have the cutest way I perceive you from this blog and was visualizing the whole thing. Too funny! :D

  7. slice,

    I agree. I would much rather work with men than with a bunch of women. You'll still have conflicts, but women turn vicious!

    I've tried the mp3 thing, but I tend to zone on the music/talk and then I miss hearing my phone ring! Which, okay, I have voice mail, but then I have to play phone tag so much. So mostly I figure I'll just have to ignore.

  8. caraboska,

    Yes, I imagine far fewer conflicts arise when one is self-employed, at least among coworkers! :)

    Actually, I've never been offended by you, caraboska. I don't agree with you on many things, but I'd much rather talk to someone who just says what they think. That way, everyone knows where they stand and dialogue can move from there. *shrug*

    'This is not an apology.'

    Speaking only for myself, since I don't know who the other person you refer to is, or what you think you've done that might have offended them, I don't know of anything that's been said between the two of us that would call for an apology anyway. We disagree. Is it a fundamental disagreement? Yes. But neither of us has resorted to nastiness or name-calling, or anything that would call for having to make amends for bad behavior.

  9. Susanne,

    Feel free to chuckle. I'm so bewildered by the episode I think laughter is the appropriate response. It certainly didn't anger or upset me, which is part of what makes it so weird. I don't have any emotional involvement in the 'fight' that we've apparently had! I'm not even sure I was there for the 'fight'!

  10. Amber, it seems she battles with your wit/knowledge/smart aleckyness in her own mind. And that day it just boiled over and came out of her mouth. Hehehehe. It's kind of funny to know she must argue with you inwardly. :)

    I hope things are better soon...for HER sake (peace of mind and all.) :)

  11. So how has the ol' relationship been today?

  12. She is now speaking to me. Whatever it was, I guess she's gotten over it. But there's been no mention of the 'incident'.


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